If I had only known how awesome you are I would have never moved in with you...
posted by bzzt to Human Relations (61 answers total) 34 users marked this as a favorite
So. I am a 28 y/o woman who, six months ago, moved into a small, two bed/one bath with a friend. We had hung out a bit casually beforehand (always with other people) and have a bunch of mutual friends. We both play music and I have played a few gigs with him, guesting with his old band. Then, suddenly come January, both of us were looking for somewhere to move at the same time, so we decided to go in on renting a house together.
Six months later and he has become my best friend. We hang out all. the. time. When we moved in I never suspected that I would develop feelings for him because I had never really hung out with him much beforehand. I thought it would just be a chill living situation because he and I had always gotten along and, from what I could tell, he was a nice, drama-free, calm guy. I thought we might see each other in passing, maybe share a meal at the table once in a while, but mainly keep to ourselves. Boy, was I wrong.
Over the past six months I have become very fond of him. He is smart, funny, patient, kind, generous, caring, interesting, respectful, mature and we very nearly share ALL the same interests. (Music, RPGs, tabletop RPGs, comics, movies, food, hang-outs etc. etc.) We go out and do things together frequently (see movies, get drinks, have dinner) and stay in and do things together frequently (play video games, cook together, play music, watch movies, etc.) Effectively, this is what I would want out of my ideal relationship. When we go out together, even though we are not flirty or touchy with each other and act strictly as friends do, people often assume that we are in a relationship... and seem pleased about it.
I only mention last that I am very attracted to him because I don't want anyone to think this is merely lust or infatuation. I have never once touched or flirted with him (honestly) out of respect for the circumstances and so as not to make him uncomfortable... but boy, do I want to. It has been getting increasingly more and more difficult for me to fight the urge to just reach out and pull him close when we are just hanging out watching movies/doing whatever.
I know this has the potential to be a disaster but I (perhaps foolishly) am prone to being optimistic. I want to tell him my feelings, which are that I have been looking for someone like him for a long time... I just had NO idea that this person was going to be in arms reach... as my room mate. I also am not under any illusions that he feels a certain way or not, or is obligated to, due to our time spent together. I have been hanging out with him as a friend and that's all it is, and all I ever expected out of it. If he doesn't feel the same way, I might be a little disappointed, but I haven't been taking his actions to mean more than what they are at face value.
So I pose these questions to you: Should I tell him? If so, how? And lastly, if the men of the hive-mind have insight into his behavior from what I've told you, do you think he might feel the same? A few months into living together he stopped bothering to go out and date girls/bring anyone home... he said he's "taking himself off the market until he gets his life straightened out" (meaning, financially/job-wise - we're both on some hard times financially right now but are making things work somehow - equally, mind you.) I have never had anyone spend the night because I honestly have no interest in meeting anyone else until I get these feelings sorted out.
Fun facts: I dislike drama, so I avoid it/do not cause it. I consider myself to be pretty mature about these things and have maintained friendships with most of my exes (both long term, serious ones are good friends and happily married/coupled)... I do not get jealous easily. I do think I would feel a little awkward if he brought a girl back here for the night, but I wouldn't say anything about it at this point - it's not my business.
Sorry this was long and thanks in advance! If anyone has questions, OP will deliver. :)