Not Petty to Me.
January 26, 2012 8:09 AM Subscribe
Am I over analyzing or should my SO have handled this differently?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (64 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
My SO and I have been together for over half a year it's so far has been a very loving relationship. We also live together.
Two months ago an ex boyfriend contacted me through phone calls and texts. It's been months since our break up and since I'm happily in my current relationship I wasn't adverse to the contact. The moment he'd reached me my SO knew because the conversations were completely benign and my bf was comfortable with the idea. My ex and I didn't part on bad terms and we were always friendly so it was nice to catch up. Pretty much just standard "what's new, how's life treating you" chit chat about once every two weeks. Somehow over the past week my ex's attitude turned sleazy; he sent off a few inappropriate messages and even asked if I'd be interested in sleeping with him. It was pretty upsetting but I didn't respond and just figured we'd never talk again. Just this morning I'd received another text from my ex saying that he saw my parents at dinner the night before and he made a point to introduce himself. That got to me because my ex has never actually been introduced to my family and he did that just to make my skin crawl. It worked. After telling my SO what my ex did and about the inappropriate texts I said that my ex is making me extremely uncomfortable and I really want him to back off. I asked if he would call my ex and request that he stop contacting me because he's out of line etc.
Well he was hesitant but then flatly refused because he didn't want to be involved. This is a guy who barks at the pizza guy if he's five minutes late. I'm not bothered that he didn't want to do it because maybe it is too confrontational but instead his reasons bothered me.
He didn't say, "Hey it sucks your ex is being a creep but instead of either of us talking let's just block his number."
I got "Hey this is your ex and therefore your drama, you deal with it."
It was pretty surprising he wouldn't do that for me because nothing like this has ever happened between us and he knew how uncomfortable I was. It's understandable that he didn't want "drama" but I wasn't asking him to threaten the guy in any way. I was hoping my SO would tell my ex to back off and leave me and my family alone.
I'm not sure if my SO is right for not making the gesture or if I'm reading too much into this. It really would've been appreciated on my part and knowing my ex it really would've resonated with him. It kind of made me feel unprotected or like it would be a stretch to get my guy to defend me. It's not as if he usually non-confrontational and this is just too much to ask. He purposefully chose not to do anything and didnt even offer any helpful solution. There was no possibility of an incident because we live hundreds of miles away from this ex.
My ex was still sending more inappropriate texts until I blocked his number this evening, but I'm still half worried he'll bother my family near him again if given the opportunity. Bf knows how I feel and seems indifferent.
Is if it's normal for a guy who's in love or cares about their wife/girlfriend to brush aside an issue like this?