My suicidal ex bumped into A, an acquaintance of mine, a few days ago and, according to A who later contacted me to warn me about it, he talked strangely, incoherently, in an evidently sick way and mentioned my complete name several times for no apparent reason. As when I last heard him (to tell him to stop calling me), three weeks before this, he seemed to be in a fairly good mental state, I am now debating calling his family to let them know about it. Should I do it or would it be out of place and maybe even open up a can of worms I've barely managed to close?
My ex bf, with whom I have had a six month relationship that ended a year or so ago, attempted suicide in June of last year and miracolously survived; after staying in a hospital for months, he contacted me through a friend, wishing for me to go see him, which, after quite a lot of inner debating, I did not do, also following the advice that Metafilter members gave me (thread about it
Once he got out, he contacted me on his own again, calling me- I did answer and he talked to me honestly about what had happened regarding the suicide, his health issue following that and how he thought he had been a fool and regretted it all- stated he felt much better now, that he thought him surviving was a miracle etc. I was glad to hear he was better and left it at that. After this, he kept contacting him once every two weeks more or less (sometimes less, sometimes more) and the conversations were mostly updates on his life, his projects for the future (he seemed to make many of them, some regarding university, some about volunteering, or working part time), him meeting with friends (and he seemed to do that very often, much more so than in the past), or his new relationship. Along with this, though on a very minor note, came some questions about me, how I/my family was doing and the relationship I'm currently in (and have been since a few weeks after the break up). I always cut short on the answers about the latter, as i was not that comfortable talking to him about that.
During this time, my bf of course knew about every phone call- and he was very understanding at first, up until he felt my ex started trying to contact me too often. At Christmas for instance he called me twice a week to wish me happy holidays and such- and then attempted to see me a few times- inviting me for coffee with him, which I refused, to a party he intended to throw and, the only time he managed, in order to get me to give him back something of his he had lent me pre-break on a very short note, claiming he needed it immediately. On that one time, probably stupidly, I went and we ended up talking- again, pretty much like we did on the phone back then. Right after it, he found me on FB and added me and every single friend I had there- which angered my bf and made me feel quite uncomfortable. I told him about it and asked him to stop contacting me for a few weeks, so that both of us could have had some space; he waited a while and after this he called me less frequently, also since it coincided with his new relationship period. Problems started again in March, when his gf broke up with him and he resumed contacting me again more often- this time differently, with shorter conversations and messages that made it clear he didn't want to be just friends with me. Via sms he did ask me whether I'd get back with him, if he hadn't tried to kill himself and if I wasn't in a relationship, if I thought we were compatible etc. Needless to say I tried to turn him down, as gently as possible at first, but had to rephrase it, always more harshly, up until he got the message. At this point my bf was furious and wanted me to cut off contacts with him (something he had demanded in the downfall of the previous months but that I had put off doing, out of hope we all could have shared just a civil and friendly bond, hoping it would have been just a phase during which my ex was adjusting to his life after suicide attempt and would have ended up detaching himself from me on his own as he went on) FF a few weeks and he sent me a love quote written on a gift of mine- this time even I had to face the truth, it had been enough and I was no longer willing to put myself and my relationship under pressure for him- so I called him up and told him we needed to stop talking now, for a very long time, and that if he had contacted me prior to that (a year or so, to give an example), it'd have been forever. He tried to push my buttons, guilt tripped me (didn't I feel sorry about the way I ended things when he was sick?), started blaming me for not calling during the last weeks of our relationship when he was the one who asked me not to and refused to take my calls, etc. I was done, regardless.
It's been a month since then. A few days ago, A, an acquaintance of mine contacted me to tell me that he bumped into this guy at the hospital (the ex was there not to receive any cures, A specified) who talked a bit strange, a bit incoherently, who, prompted by A, told him about his suicide story and how now he wanted to take med courses (the reason why he was there). In the midst of this weird convo, the ex said my complete name to A a few times, out of context, or so he told me. (Stuff like 'then opalshards told me to...', in a really unrelated and weird way.) A thus decided to warn me about my ex, said he thought it was a good thing for me to stay away, that he looked sick and that by breaking up I had avoided very big issues in the future.
So here I am now. Knowing all of this sort of threw me off balance. It's not as though I did not think that depression could have been reoccurring- I hoped not, of course though-, but it was such an abrupt change from the way I had heard him just three weeks prior to this...He always sounded fairly normal on the phone, for months, so I was persuaded I had cut contacts with someone in that state of mind, but now all of a sudden he seems to be so unstable again and in such a short period of time too! It just...caught me off guard, I guess. I feel smothered by this situation, like everytime I think I've closed it it comes back to haunt me in some form- and like I'm kicking him while he's down again and that's not what I had seen nor expected. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid enough to think I can save him or heal him, but I've been wondering if maybe I should warn the family of his state- which likely they know of, because they live with him, but maybe a wake up call from a stranger would be useful? I know it's likely not my place to do it and I don't even know if by doing this I'd just open up the contact I so struggled to close again, but what if I don't do it and he tries to kill himself again? Both my mother and bf are opposed me calling his father for the reasons I mentioned above...Likely they're right, but a part of me stupidly thinks that if I did it it would mean I did everything I could, if anything happened to him...What would you all do in my place? I know I'm likely being selfish here and making my bf suffer in the process, and probably what I'm debating to do would just be a reiterations of my past mistakes...but I'm so tired with all of this and can't help being the flawed way I am.