What’s my takeaway for an intense online conversation that suddenly ended?
January 11, 2012 9:39 PM Subscribe
I’m recently divorced and confused about an online situation that resolved amicably. I’m not sure how to think about it; however, I want to know if I made some obvious mistake so I won’t repeat it in the future.
posted by Fierce clam to human relations (15 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I have a close friend/coworker who introduced me to his brother (lives on the opposite coast) via email. Brother and I are both recently divorced and dealing with similar custody and spouse situations. The friend makes it clear to me that this is not a set-up, and neither the brother nor I ever ask each other for phone numbers, pix, etc.
Brother contacts me first and we begin exchanging fairly in-depth emails about our respective situations. The tone is serious, but also wickedly funny. We communicate a couple times a week for about two months. He was/is obviously hurt, angry, and bitter about his ex-wife. I am more overwhelmed, hurt and anxious about the future. After the first few weeks, he begins asking questions like “What was my marriage like pre-parenthood? What am I afraid of? What do I want out of life? What are my passions? What was my relationship like with my father?” I answer the questions as honestly as I can without being either overlong or flippant (this took some editing). He began to take longer to respond to the emails (holiday season, in part) but never addressed the similar questions I posed to him (I generally followed his lead.) I began to feel like I was performing an emotional striptease. So I kept the next response very short and light. And then I never heard from him again.
Except…I sent him one of my “gratitude” New Year’s cards wishing that the kindness he had shown me would be repaid to him tenfold in the coming year. And he responded that was the best investment he’s made in a long time. Since then, nothing.
It feels over. Why? It appears everything ended on the up and up. But because I am so new to this, I am worried I did something “wrong” that caused him to not want to be in contact with me anymore. I know I will have to enter the online dating world soon, and I want to make sure that if I did make a mistake here, that I know about it so I won’t make it again with someone else. I need a diagnosis! I am worried that I overshared or sounded too depressed, although I consciously made an effort to be honest, brief, yet thorough, and funny when possible. I teach writing, so I’m fairly sure I was at least entertaining. But maybe you’re not supposed to answer questions honestly? This post-divorce, pre-dating era I’m in seems like the Dark Ages: I feel like I don’t have the emotional tools to deal with these new technology-based “relationships.”