Let's see, there's Match, and OKC, right?
April 11, 2014 10:09 AM Subscribe
A friend was telling me last night that she is ready to start dating again, and thinks that online dating is the way to go, but she has never tried online dating and hasn't the first clue as to how to go about it.
posted by vignettist to Human Relations (27 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I don't have any experience with online dating either, so I didn't really know what to tell her. But I see the occaisional question about "rate my profile" here on the green, so I figured this would be a good place to start to learn something, so that I might be of some kind of help or support to her.
She is mid-forties, recently divorced, and has a small child. She is educated and works full-time in a white collar job, mid-management level.
I think finding someone who is also educated and professional is an important criteria for her. I think what is most important to her is finding a good personality fit - she mentioned that she wants to be with someone who is grounded, self-aware, has basically already done all of the counseling they need to do, or has otherwise come to terms with their rotten childhood or whatever life issues they have.
Her spouse was incredibly not self-aware, was grappling with undiagnosed mental health issues, and refused to pursue any kind of help. He basically just told her that it was her job to support him and fix his problems. I don't want to re-hash any of the details of her marriage, I only mention that as context to say that she doesn't ever want to be in that position again of being with someone who refuses to help himself. In her words, she wants to be with someone who is a "grown-up".
So, my question is, can you compare and contract some of the online dating sites? Are there ones where the culture is more geared for those who want to settle down, as opposed to being more of a hook-up culture? Are the profile-matching algorithms superior on one vs. another? Is it the sort of thing where you get what you pay for, in terms of matches or contacts or whatever (like, this is not the area of her life to cheap out on)?
And I suppose, protips with regard to creating a profile would be welcome (and maybe about how to respond to contacts, what to ask, what to avoid, etc.)
She is in Los Angeles, if that matters.