Can't wash this man out of my hair! Help!
December 30, 2011 7:33 PM Subscribe
I dated a guy for a month almost three months ago, and I can't stop thinking about him. Help me get out of this mental rut!
posted by ablazingsaddle to Human Relations (15 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I met a guy at the end of the summer through online dating. We were both pretty new to the online dating thing. I was frustrated by a long dry spell and wanted to avoid dating people that work in my close-knit, incestuous industry. We had a promising start, but then he found out that he'd have to leave the state for a few months for work. He insisted that he wanted to work things out to the best of our abilities, that he really liked me, and that even though the timing sucked, two months really isn't that long. Over the next few weeks, he started to change his tune, finally coming clean about being very fresh out of a very long-term relationship, not being sure about what he wanted, not wanting to lose me but not wanting to be tied down, and so on. What was most troubling to me was that he said that he hadn't really been single in seven or so years. (He's my age). He said that he gets into long-term relationships with girls that he's not that into. (?) I told him that I didn't want to be in a relationship without being in a relationship, but that we should stay in touch and play things by ear. Things were going pretty badly for him in other areas of his life at that time as well, so I tried to be as patient and understanding as possible without being a total doormat.
We said goodbye, and I heard from him a few weeks later. He told me that work was not going well. More importantly, he said that he didn't want me to wait around for him to come back and that he wasn't ready for a relationship. He agreed that we should talk when he got back to town, but I never heard from him.
I've dated around a little bit since then, but I haven't met anyone I've particularly liked or connected with. Meanwhile, through the ambiguous wonder that is facebook, I see that he is possibly dating someone else. And removed his "single" relationship status. And is still logging into OkCupid and still listed as single. And I'm losing my fucking mind and I'm frustrated by my own e-stalker behavior.
I'm an attractive, intelligent woman in my early/mid twenties, and I've never found dating particularly easy. (Does anyone?) I had one serious-ish relationship in college, and since then I've had a few flings and one very long dry spell. I relocated after college for work and I've been very absorbed in my demanding career in a creative industry, and while I haven't really had time to date, I'm human and I need to be loved (just like everybody else does). But I wonder if maybe I'm afraid of intimacy, if I only like someone who can't like me back, if I'm barking up the wrong tree because I don't want to bark up the right tree, etc., etc.
Will I just feel like shit until I don't feel like shit anymore? Why am I still hung up on this guy? Am I crazy?