August 8, 2010 3:37 PM Subscribe
Advice needed regarding a "don't ask out my ex-girlfriend" communication from an ex-boyfriend.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (54 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I asked someone out on a date. She is the good friend of a good friend. It was the good friend who suggested that I ask her out, and after she mentioned to him a flattering thing indicating her interest. I'm told she's excited about the date by good friend.
Today on the facebook comes a friend request from her ex-boyfriend. He is the brother of good friend's roommate. We do know each other, see each other in our larger social circle in our city, and we are friendly, although we aren't friends. It is my understanding their relationship ended when he repeatedly cheated on her with a former girlfriend whenever she was visiting in town. However, I am not really privy to details of their relationship, its duration, or how they currently feel about each other. I haven't made it my business, and I haven't felt it pertinent to my asking her out. It's possible they have been dating, perhaps on and off, for maybe a year and a half at most if that's important.
His message reads: "i'm in the process of getting her back. Please don't be a dick and ask my ex-girlfriend out a month after we broke up."
Really, I don't think I owe him any explanation or even an answer. I also do not agree with his assessment of my behavior here, perhaps because I think it is a little shitty to call me a dick. It just reads to me like the intimations of a possessive ex-boyfriend, not happy about the further romantic adventures of his ex.
However, I'd rather avoid confrontation over this, and without giving him any of what I assume he wants from his message (whether it's "leave my girl alone," "I'm itching for a fight," "acknowledge my entitlement here," or whatever), I do think in the interest of keeping the peace in this tangled social circle, it might be best to let him know that while I appreciate that our going out on a date might not make him ecstatic, his relationship with her is between them, not me. It was also my understanding it was in their past, and I have not been close enough to either of them to know otherwise. If she didn't want to go out on a date with me, she wouldn't. I haven't "betrayed" him or been actively plotting against him with his feelings or intentions in mind either. As far as I'm concerned it has nothing to do with him.
So I guess I'm looking for some advice about how to navigate this situation now that this communication is in play.