Dating with an invisible chronic illness
June 18, 2011 8:07 AM   Subscribe

I divorced a couple of years ago. One of the contributing factors was that I came down with fibromyalgia.I've come to terms with it and live a pretty good life now within my limitatons. I'd like to be in a relationship and so I've put my profile online.

So now I have these internet dates set up with what seems to be a few successful articulate attractive men. But I am anxious as hell about it. They all liked my picture. I'm pretty sure when they meet me they'll like me. I'm smart, attractive, kind and well spoken. But I feel I'm doing a bait and switch on them.

What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head needs to take a nap every day, that she is not capable of accompanying them on the long hikes or skiing that they like, or that if they travel she needs an entire day upon arrival to lay in the hotel room and rest and acclimate? That she doesn't have the energy to keep clean more than her tiny apartment or cook more than frozen meals and sandwiches? That to her, biking a mile or completing a six hour work day is a big accomplishment and should be celebrated with a nap? That even though she's 45 she is as constantly filled with pain as someone much older than she is and periodically it gets so bad she takes to bed for a couple of days?

I fear that I would always feel defensive and apologetic about my condition, were it contrasted in an intimate relationship with someone who was a go-getter. I know I did with my ex. And I know that as kind as he tried to be about it, he was frustrated with me.

I remember reading somewhere that one only has a disability if there is a gap between what one is asked to do and one is capable of doing. I've closed that gap a great deal in my new life, to the point where I have a comfortable flow. I work part time. I exercise gently. I keep a simple home. I raise my son well. But I'm lonely. To me, dating means going back into that world that always acts as a reminder that I'm not performing like most people do, or can.

Dating makes me anxious, which brings on flares. I already feel rejected by my divorce and the prospect of more rejection seems more than I could take. I would prefer to meet people in day to day life to date, but that doesn't seem to be working so I'm going online. I've taken the approach that I should let my dates get to know me before telling them of the illness, but should I instead just post it on my profile so that they know from the beginning? Should I aim "lower" since I'm "lower" too now?
posted by Jandoe to Human Relations (30 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
Mention the fibro around the by the second or third date. See what happens. As much as it may suck, consider it a test of sorts. If he's at least willing to try, once you've explained what fibro is, then there are possibilities. But whatever you do, don't hide it. This is who you are and anyone worthy of you needs to know that and accept it.

I'm a guy married to a woman who developed fibro after we were married. It's made things harder and more challenging at times, sure. But we adjusted. For instance, when going to the pool, I might swim rigorous laps while she does water aerobics. Rather than taking the mile walk around the part, we walk from bench to bench, or she'll sit and read/people watch while I go for the longer walk. So it's possible to have a relationship with fibro, but it does take some thought and adjustment.

Give the guy time to adjust. It certainly was and still is at times hard to realize that we can't just go tearing down the beach or go hiking all day. I'll suggest something, and she'll have to remind that she's not capable of that anymore. Yes of course that can be frustrating. But it's not the end of the world.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:22 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I know a very happy couple, she has cystic fibrosis, it's well under control but she tires easily. He has massive migraines regularly. They both help each other out. It's hard but they make do and I think it works well for them.

Just a thought.
posted by sully75 at 8:23 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Why don't you try and find someone else with fibromyalgia? If you did that, the same sorts of things that might typically annoy the "normal" person are all things your partner will do as well, so they are a lot less likely to have a problem with nap taking/feeling run down/etc.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:23 AM on June 18, 2011


Perhaps the first step would be not to regard yourself as "lower" but just unique with different needs. It certainly may be harder for you to find a serious long term partner, since today's culture seems to value vibrant health and energy. But we all have our dealbreakers and strong preferences, so it's hard for most of us to find a good match.

I think part of the answer is just to be unapologetic about it. It's who you are; they can deal with it. Some guys may LOVE the chance to date someone who is really low key and doesn't want to go out much (I'm kind of that way).

In my job I meet lots of people with serious health problems and various physical impairments. Most of them seem to have significant others.
posted by jayder at 8:32 AM on June 18, 2011 [7 favorites]


This is outside my experience, but I really resist the idea that you should be looking for someone else with a comparable condition. Finding someone you like is hard enough without imposing such severe restrictions on the field. What you need is someone who is understanding and into you enough to put up with some things they may not be particularly into -- just like potential mates have to deal with someone with a less than ideal job, looks, personality, friends, location, etc.

I don't mean to diminish what you or your significant other have to deal with, but I know plenty of people who never exert themselves in strenuous activities, don't travel or travel to places that are resort destinations primarily intended for rest, etc. Everyone has limits, few put them all out there at first, and few reconcile themselves to finding someone who precisely matches their own features.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:37 AM on June 18, 2011 [20 favorites]


Also if you are doing the internet thing, I would just put it out there, unapologetically. "I have fibromyalgia, and it sucks, it means that I get tired a lot and need a lot of rest."

I think internet dating with something like that is really hard, because you see all these people and some will dismiss you because of that. But honestly, that's their right, and if they are going to dismiss you, well...they are going to dismiss you and it's probably not worth it getting all excited about them and going on two dates and then having it come up then.

The good/bad thing about internet dating is that people will dismiss you before they even met you. What's good about that? Well...it saves you a whole lot of time and heartache. From experience (lots of it) it's way, way better to rule someone out who is going to rule you out before you met them. Some personal tragedy has resulted from falling for someone who is really wonderful but who is not suited to me and vice versa...

Honestly, I'd put it somewhere up high (not the first thing) so that they are likely to see it. We know that guys can be fairly stupid once they see a nice picture, so you want to make sure they read it.

You never know that some guy is not key wording "fibromyalgia" to find someone who understands him...
posted by sully75 at 8:38 AM on June 18, 2011 [10 favorites]


It's really difficult when you're dealing with an illness that takes so much away from you to resist letting it also take a measure of your self esteem. You've said explicitly that you consider yourself "lower" than you used to be, "lower" than other people. You're not, and the best thing you can do, both for yourself and for any relationships you might wish to have in the future, is do what you need to do to believe that your illness doesn't make you less than other people. Whether that's therapy or meditation or affirmations or whatever, you need to figure out how to see yourself as being just as good as you ever were, just as good as anyone else, despite your physical limitations.

Your body doesn't define you. Anyone who is worth dating, who will be good enough and strong enough and patient enough to be worth building a life with, will understand that. If they don't understand it right away, they'll come to understand it as they get to know all of the things about you that make you who you are.

Will your illness scare some people off? Yes, probably. But your political beliefs or your hair color or your child or your taste in TV shows or the way you laugh or that weird thing you do when you're really hungry will also scare some people off, and none of those things make you less than anyone else. They just make you a person with unique qualities, some of which are out of your control, looking for another person whose unique, sometimes uncontrollable qualities mesh well with yours. You need to believe that just because your life is harder than other people's, that doesn't mean that you're worth less than they are, and that doesn't mean that you should settle for someone you don't love fully, or someone who views being with you as a burden or a chore. Anyone who thinks that way doesn't deserve to be with you, and you shouldn't be with anyone who makes you feel that way.

Some people express love by taking care of other people and love feeling needed. Some people are introverted or relaxed and love lying around at home all day watching movies and talking. Some people, even people who aren't sick, like taking naps and hate hiking and skiing and biking. Some people have high stress in other areas of their lives and need someone to remind them to slow down and relax and enjoy simple things. I, for one, hate vacations where I'm expected to do stuff other than sit by the pool and read. There are people out there--some of whom may have their own physical limitations, and some of whom just have a certain sort of personality--who will be absolutely content and happy with the kind of lifestyle you can provide. That's who you should be dating, and you should be proud of all the great things you bring to a relationship.
posted by decathecting at 8:38 AM on June 18, 2011 [18 favorites]


I think it sounds like you are looking to meet a really successful dynamic man into 'skiing all day' and 'doing major hiking trips' while potentially working long days...and you mentioned travel too. Why can't you instead of aiming 'lower' aim differently (laterally?) to find someone who sounds less exhausting. I ski, travel and hike but I am not a type A person and don't want to chase a hardcharging off-duty businessman up a mountain on the weekends! Can't you somehow angle your profile to find someone who is more mellow sounding, compassionate and tolerant of differences in a partner? (or maybe similarities, if you have similar day to day interests/activity levels?).
posted by bquarters at 8:39 AM on June 18, 2011 [8 favorites]


For the record, I don't like to ski, and lately I'm less excited about travel than I used to be. So if someone has a lot of pictures of them skiing, or on camels or whatever, I'm likely to dismiss them.
posted by sully75 at 8:39 AM on June 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh man, do I feel your pain (literally). I have been battling fibromyalgia for years, and I know what you mean about feeling like you're pulling a bait and switch, like you have to apologize for the reality of who you are.

But there's the crux of the issue. Your illness is not who you are, only a part of who you are. Like you, I've made accommodations to nake life easier (part-time job, small apartment, naps-as-rewards). But it's taken me a really long time to stop feeling guilty for the reality of fibro. (And I still struggle with it.)

I wouldn't put fibro in your dating profile. There are other creative ways to present yourself that are just as true to who you are, e.g., "I love a quiet, simple life" etc.

On dates, though, I'd be open about it. Not apologetic, and definitely not the focal point of who you are. But honest. "So yeah, a few years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which sucks, but it's been an amazing experience in helping me prioritize the things in my life that are most important -- taking care of myself and loving who I am, being a good mother, rooting myself in loving supportive relationships, and finding joy in the things that make me happy."

Good on you for posting this, and being honest -- and doing what you need to do for yourself. I'm sorry your relationship ended. I know how much fibro sucks, but I have recently found someone who's understanding and helpful and loving. You will too.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 8:44 AM on June 18, 2011 [13 favorites]


When I read your question I was kind of thinking the same thing as bquarters. Are YOU attracted to men who are not as active as "normal"? You mentioned men who are interested in skiing, traveling, hiking, etc. What about men who are interested in reading, movies, watching television at home, etc? Do you like that type as well?

I don't think you should consider it "lowering" yourself. I think it is about finding common interests and seeing if you are attracted to men that shred your level of activity (or are closer to it). Just think hard about the type of man you are attracted to and see if you can find some common ground.

You are who you are and you shouldn't try to hide it. Anyone who is turned off by who you are isn't worth your time or effort. Keep looking.
posted by rglasmann at 8:48 AM on June 18, 2011 [3 favorites]


I don't think you have to say you have fibromyalgia in your online dating profile, but I do think you have to be upfront about what your role is in a potential relationship, so anyone with any interest can evaluate it. For example:

"I've made the choice in my life to simplify, and my lifestyle is deliberately slow and steady and makes me happy. I may not go hiking the Appalachians with you, but I'll have a cold pitcher of lemonade for you when you get home, and I'll be eager to hear your stories."
posted by juniperesque at 9:07 AM on June 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


"But I feel I'm doing a bait and switch on them."

Everyone has baggage. Your baggage is diagnosed and you have a clear action plan for coping with it! That seems much better than someone locked in an endless codependent battle with an adult child, or prone to outbursts of rage, or who can't cope with paying bills and so stacks them secretly in a drawer, or who's on a first-name basis with all the local traffic cops because they drive so poorly. I mean, EVERYONE has baggage of some sort that comes as a bit of a surprise to their "steady" at some point, ideally before the steady becomes a spouse. Yours is, honestly, not that big a deal.

One of my close friends in college had fibro and she was always apologizing to us for it, and I never understood why -- I mean, she has a chronic illness, she tires easily, we like spending time with her, we're delighted if she joins us for dinner but not the movie. We understand if she has to beg off something to study because she couldn't study that afternoon because she had to rest. I mean, it's really, honestly not that big a deal. (I'm about to make a ridiculous comparison ...) I had a diabetic cat who needed insulin shots twice a day on a relatively strict schedule, which meant that sometimes when out with my friends I had to head home early to feed my cat and give him a shot. (Which is a way less-good excuse than a chronic illness.) Everyone was always understanding and nice about it, because decent people understand you have obligations, limitations, life stuff, etc.

Really, truly, it is not that big a deal.

"What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head needs to take a nap every day, that she is not capable of accompanying them on the long hikes or skiing that they like, or that if they travel she needs an entire day upon arrival to lay in the hotel room and rest and acclimate?"

A certain percentage of them will go, "SCORE! DAILY NAPS!" A certain percentage of them will go, "Oh, this is nice, I get an hour to myself in the afternoon to shoot aliens guilt-free on my computer while she rests." Or, "I can go have guy-time on my hikes and see my girlfriend for dinner." Or, "Nice, I can go to the rock museum that would bore Jandoe to tears while she recovers from traveling and bring her back some donuts." None of these strike me as dealbreakers ... or even that big a deal. Unless you're dating someone who wants to be joined at the hip ... but personally I find that dull and you sound independent. Date someone else who's fairly independent and times when you need to rest are just times when they can pursue their own interests. You'll have much more interesting things to talk about at dinner. :)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:12 AM on June 18, 2011 [12 favorites]


Why not mention it on your profile? If it's a dealbreaker for a guy he'll rule you out before you even know he's doing it.
posted by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on June 18, 2011


What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head

If any of these guys are smart, they'll realize that you're a vibrant smart red head. What's wrong with taking a nap everyday? If you can't go on long hikes and skiing with them, they can go with other people. Are you looking for people into lots of physical activity? I don't have fibro and I wouldn't necessarily be into long hikes (short hikes, maybe!) and I don't know how to ski. My sister is a wheelchair user, and my BIL was into hikes and travelling before they met. She said, it's ok if they can't do those things together, they can do other things together. A day to rest in the hotel upon arrival is not unreasonable. You keep your apartment clean, you're feeding yourself. Biking a mile, working for 6 hours IS an accomplishment, and you should celebrate how you see fit. Naps are great! I love naps. If you have to be in bed for a couple of days, that's ok.

Don't be defensive and apologetic. It is what it is. What I see in your post is someone vibrant and smart (because it's what you said, and people only know what you tell them - but don't keep secrets!) and who is managing health issues in a non-whiny, take-it-as-it-comes way. You have a clear sense of your needs, which is awesome!!!

It sounds like your condition impacted your ex negatively, you feel guilty about it, and you worry that'll happen with the next guy. It might not! Give someone the chance to be understanding about it. Maybe your ex wasn't frustrated with YOU, but with the fact that he couldn't do anything to help you. I don't know. I think it's the feelings of rejection that are impacting you more than the fibro. To echo other comments, you're not "lower." You're vibrant and smart. How are you lower?

What is performing like most people do, or can? You think athletes perform like most people do, or can? You have so much going for you. It sounds like you have a lot to offer someone… so let them enjoy being with you.
posted by foxjacket at 9:22 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Surely making your lifestyle clear in your profile is the best thing to do? A man who needs you to be able to go hiking all day and to travel to 5 different places in two weeks will not be interested, true. But surely that kind of man will go on a couple of dates with you and not get back in touch after you tell him. So wouldn't it be better to not meet them at all?

As others have said also think about what men you are attracted to and who you would consider suitable? It sounds a bit as if your ex-husband was the active, outdoorsy, go getting kind of guy and as if you are looking for that kind of person again? If that is the case you are potentially stetting yourself up for failure, unless you can frame it along the lines of - I am happy for you to do XYZ all day on the weekend and hear all about it when you get back but I won't join you in XYZ. And again some people will not be happy with that set-up but they would be unsuitable even if you went on a date with them so....
posted by koahiatamadl at 9:38 AM on June 18, 2011


"Skiing, hiking, travel" on a profile is a cliche. Kind of the same as "long walks on the beach". People who put that are not doing those things every day. The small percentage that really are is probably just that, a small percentage. (I bet you the people who like books, movies, and cooking are very interesting and companionable men.)

Also, when in a relationship, you don't need to do everything with your partner. Say they really are into skiing. Well, then you can either go with him and relax in front of a fire in the lodge with hot cocoa, or let him have some away time skiing with his friends.

You are 45 and it sounds like you know what works for you in your life. I am assuming you will be dating in your age range, so those men will also know what works in their life. The needs you have mentioned are not extreme or off putting at all. It just sounds like you know how to take care of yourself and your condition.

Except for your own issues with it, I don't see that this would really be a problem for most anyone. I would mention it on the 3rd-ish date or so.
posted by Vaike at 9:40 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Someone upthread said that our culture today places a high value on being healthy and athletic, which is so very true. That might be why you are seeing so many profiles that look focus on physical activities and rigorous travel adventures. It's entirely possible that men are putting that kind of information front and center because that's what they think will most likely attract women. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them aren't anxious about pulling a "bait and switch" themselves, and would be relieved to hear that you don't actually have high expectations in that regard.

Just be yourself, and reveal your illness when you feel you have gained a little trust with someone you are dating. I would say around the second or third date. I have a brittle bone disease which eliminates tons of activities for me, but like you I've created an enjoyable life around my limitations. However, I don't immediately disclose that information to people I'm dating because I appreciate a certain level of understanding, trust and empathy, and that usually doesn't develop until I've found someone who I'd really like to continue seeing, and that feeling is mutual. ymmv.

You are NOT "lower", and you absolutely should never lower your expectations. I wish you the best!
posted by swingbraid at 9:41 AM on June 18, 2011


Everyone has a Thing and when you're looking for someone to be in a relationship with, you have to decide if you're willing to deal with that thing or not. I am extremely neat and I recently fell in love with a guy who is messy and disorganized. Does my ideal person keep a naturally clean house? Of course. Am I willing to deal with his disorganization and that pile of rent checks from 2003 on his kitchen table? Oh my god, yes. He is amazing and smart and funny and he makes me really happy. So fibromyalgia is your Thing. You will find someone who accepts that and its accompanying limitations—I promise you. I would not include it in your online dating profile, but I'd definitely bring it up after a few dates together. I think it's going to be much less of an issue than you fear, frankly!
posted by kate blank at 10:10 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sounds like you're subconsciously expecting whoever you meet next to feel exactly the same way about the fibromyalgia that your ex did. There's no reason to suppose they will - everyone's different. Maybe trying a little CBT would help you break some of the automatic associations in your mind like "romantic partner" = "someone who needs a sporty life" = "someone who is made unhappy by the pace of my life". Good luck :)
posted by penguin pie at 10:23 AM on June 18, 2011 [2 favorites]


I have some health issues that needed to be disclosed fairly quickly in the dating game. I would exchange a few emails with someone and if it was clear we were going to meet, I gave them a high-level overview. After we met, if we planned to go out again, I'd give them a bit more detail. Before we slept together, I told them everything.

Basically I didn't want to do an infodump up front, but I wanted to give them a heads-up that I was not your average person.

(PS I'm married to someone I met online.)
posted by desjardins at 10:27 AM on June 18, 2011 [4 favorites]


Maybe it will scare some people off, but the thing to remember is that you almost certainly didn't want to be with them anyway, so it evens out.

Disclose early, cut to the chase. If they respond positively, you got a potential keeper. :)
posted by inturnaround at 10:37 AM on June 18, 2011


They all liked my picture.
I'm pretty sure when they meet me they'll like me.
I'm smart, attractive, kind and well spoken.

I think you ought to read those sentences again.

What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head...
Let me finish that sentence in a bit different way.
"What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head wants to spend time with them?"
"What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head wants to hold them?"
"What will they say when they realize that this vibrant smart red head thinks that they rock?"

And now, I'll answer that slightly reworded sentence. They will say "I cannot understand how it is that life has smiled upon me this way." They will say "Her ex-husband is a stupid, stupid bastard -- what a fumb duck!" They will say "I am the luckiest man on the planet."

I mean, come ON. Just because you can't twirl around and jump up and down every minute doesn't mean that guys are stupid. (Not all of us anyways -- what the hell is up with your ex? What a dope!) You aren't 20, you're 45, and the men who you are looking for aren't looking for a damn jumping bean, they're looking for someone who knows the story, and the story is that each and every human being staggering around on this ball of mud and rock and beauty have their strengths and have their limitations. I can scarce imagine spending time with anyone who didn't understand that -- gawd, what a yawner that would be.

So forget all that "I'm not As Good As The Next Broad" jive. Drop it. Your ego is playing with you, having fun making you unhappy, at least a part of you has to know this. Talking about it openly with someone will make it go away like bleach sprayed on that glop in the shower Poof! and it's gone, so talk to a friend or talk more to us. Once there is a guy on the scene, you can talk to him, and he will tell you "Oh god, JanDoe, you're so goddamn great, it's comical how we do these things to ourselves!" and he won't be lying. He'll say "Sugar Pie, can I please please touch your thigh?" and he won't be lying about that, either.

Don't even think about aiming low.
posted by dancestoblue at 11:40 AM on June 18, 2011 [11 favorites]


My last long term relationship ended, in part, because my fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis were getting worse and worse, and she was getting more and more into fitness and athletics. Yeah, it hurt. But when I started putting myself out there again, I was upfront about my issues (easy, what with the cane I use to walk). Wasn't too long until I started dating the lady who is now my wife, and she decidedly does not give a damn that I have a disability. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you :D
posted by jtron at 11:56 AM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I think this is a question only they can answer. Look, like any other attribute, some will dislike it, some won't care and some won't be into it.

Should I aim "lower" since I'm "lower" too now?

I think you're better served by throwing the "higher" and "lower" away straight out. Best to give whatever issues your potential suitors have the same understanding that you hope others will give you.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:16 PM on June 18, 2011


Should I aim "lower" since I'm "lower" too now?

Oh man, I just saw this part.

Look, my husband is really very handsome in the conventional sense. Obviously I'm biased, but I have had many other people comment on his attractiveness. Plus he's really smart, funny, and good at what he does. He is better than me at a lot of things, especially in the patience and forgiveness departments.

I am not conventionally attractive, and I have the aforementioned health issues, but I do bring other things to the table, and I did not have to "aim lower." He loves me for who I am.
posted by desjardins at 12:27 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I have some health issues myself that keep me from doing some of the things you mention, sometimes. But other times and other activities, I just don't want to. So I don't. Without even a 'valid excuse' like yours. My husband either does these types of things alone or we find something to do together. For instance, right this minute he's doing crazy laps at the pool, but I didn't want to.

My point is that you can break up the issue of your not doing certain activities. THere's the part of how you don't do them. And there's the part of why.

What I'm saying is that the part that you don't do certain activities is just fine and peachy, and plenty of men will be fine with it, too. Plenty of women do some of the things that you do or don't do on of account of your fibromyalgia, and they don't have an illness. The second part, the reason behind your actions, is irrelevant in a way.

With the right person, there will be plenty of things you'll want to and be able to do together. (And there'll be many things you each do separately, whether due to your health, his health, or completely unrelated.) I think I get that your illness feels like a hindrance, and you're frustrated that it's nothing you can improve on (that's what I'm getting from your use of the word 'lower') but for the purpose of finding a mate, I think you could just reframe it as a characteristic that's going to affect who you are compatible with.
posted by Tandem Affinity at 1:30 PM on June 18, 2011


you know what? if they ask you to go on a hike, you just have to be honest and say you can't because you have fibromyalgia (this is nothing to be ashamed of). if they suddenly lose all interest because you can't go jaunting through the woods, they would have lost all interest for something else just as stupid.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 4:51 PM on June 18, 2011


Response by poster: Thank you kind people for the time you took to answer. I'm really touched and appreciate it all. There was some question about if I find myself attracted to incompatible men. I'm not into men that are extreme hikers, etc, it just seems that everyone's profile says they are and has pictures of them out doing something rugged. I'd love it if more said that they were into yoga, or reading or movies. Maybe I'll find someone who is more like that than his profile lets on.

I've decided ultimately to just put it on my profile. It will weed down the volume and take down the anxiety I have about being rejected when I tell them. Thanks for the suggestions on how to word it, not with shame but as a matter of fact.

You're a great supportive bunch and brought me to tears a couple of times. Thanks!
posted by Jandoe at 8:05 PM on June 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


My husband is a lot less active than I am, not by any health condition that is just the way he is. I'm used to cross country skiing with friends, or having him stay in the hotel room and watch cable tv while I go explore the town. I really never thought anything about it and it's never bothered me. I think it really is possible to be in relationship with someone who has a very different activity level than you do and I hope you find a nice person.
posted by Melsky at 3:34 AM on June 19, 2011


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