Tired of being the kibble that's always there; time to turn into a laser pointer!
April 20, 2011 9:22 AM Subscribe
My boyfriend and I live together, and the relationship is great, but things have gotten very 'comfortable'. I think it's time to take everything he thinks he knows about us and turn it upside-down (in a good way)! How though?
posted by Sa Dec to human relations (40 answers total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
We have been together for 2 years. Living together for over one year. Our current lease is almost up, and it has been agreed tentatively that we'll renew it together. I would like to know if there are any ways to live under the same roof, but have it so he still has to pursue me, like he used to when we lived apart.
I'm not asking to play games, just modifications that I can make to seem less available to him all the time. At the heart of this is that I would like to feel more valued, desired, and less taken for granted. I sense that nowadays he is more excited to hang out with his female friends, or have a flirtatious exchange with other women because he's already 'caught' me and knows I love him (I am more physically and verbally affectionate than he is, and I initiate the affection almost always). He is the non-expressive computer engineer type, so you know how that is.
There is no doubt that he loves me, but I miss feeling pursued. I miss feeling like I have control over how much he gets to see of me... I miss how he used to value my time spent with him as though it were a precious commodity. I don't want to be thought of as the girl who's always there whenever he likes. I think this view he has of me is at the root of why I feel any insecurity about us. I no longer want to be more predictable and less interesting than other females in his company, just because we live together and have established a certain routine.
I know the answer probably lies in making myself scarce somehow, but I am an introvert who's lost a lot of her friend base by moving to a new city. My best friends are in other states. So... I should probably take some classes, get really involved in my hobbies and interests, and start meeting new friends, right? Are there ways I can seem "out of reach" to him even while interacting with him, in a way that gets him intrigued (and not walled off)? Anything else I should consider?