I'm ready to be over my ex. What's taking so long?!
March 30, 2011 8:09 PM Subscribe
The ex and I broke up a year ago. I've been seeing someone else and am extremely happy, but it still bothers me that the ex's new relationship is going well. I don't understand why he's treating this other person so well when he treated me so poorly.
posted by Pericardium to human relations (45 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
I don't want to be with him and I don't want to talk to him. I can't shake feeling inadequate or like I have this personality flaw because he not only wasn't that into me, but also treated me poorly for two years instead of just saying "I'm not all that into you, sorry."
I always suspected he wasn't that into me, but I thought he just needed more time. He was hot/cold. It bothers me that he's seemingly changed and that he and his new girl are headed for happily-ever-after. I try to reason that I can't truly know how their relationship is, because I'm only going off of facebook and mutual friends. But they've been together since October and I doubt she'd stay that long if he treated her the same way he did me.
He was #1 in the relationship, always. The last time we spoke he asked if I was pregnant, then said that he didn't want to know because he cared, just that he didn't want any kids running around he didn't know about. And now he's super-serious about someone else and moving across the country to be with her (he was planning to move anyway but seemed to have scrapped the idea until now.)
I don't know how to not see this as a personal attack on my own character; that I wasn't good enough to be loved, treated properly, respected, etc. Please don't kill me for saying this, but I would like his relationship to fail because that would mean he was the problem. As it stands it just seems like he needed the "right person" to come turn him around, and it hurts that I wasn't good enough.
Mid-April marks a year since the break up and I'm seriously ready to be over this and not care if the ex is single, engaged, shacking-up, whatever. Help!
Might not be relevant, skip if you want:
The person I'm seeing now treats me like a queen. He's my best friend; I feel completely loved and supported and I wouldn't trade that for the world. He's told me that he wasn't that great of a boyfriend in the past (his shortcomings were quite similiar to my ex's in fact but not in the ways I've listed here), and that he was single for a few years to get his act together. I'm the first person he's dated since, things are going extremely well and I don't think our relationship success reflects poorly on his exs' character at all.
So then... why the heck do I think my ex's success reflects poorly on mine?! What the heck, brain? I know part of it is that my ex was only single for 8 months vs current boyfriend being single for two years, so it seems unlikely that my ex did the whole soul searching thing. Still...