please help me gain back his trust and love - i feel like i'm dying
posted by canadiantuxedo to human relations (65 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I have really messed up and could use some straightforward advice.
For the past year I have been dating the most wonderful guy, long distance. Due to the distance, we have often felt different emotions at different times, but when we were together, we both felt so much in love. We had plans to move in together before Christmas.
Last time I visited, I got pregnant. We didn't use protection, I thought it would be ok (I've never been able to conceive, my ex and I tried for years). Needless to say, I was very badly mistaken. I was incredibly ill for a month, and then found out why. When I told him, he lost his mind. firstly, because he felt it was my fault (which, I accept, I felt terrible, it was my fault). but also, despite his being in his thirties, he felt a child would 'ruin his life'. he told me he still loved me and wanted to be with me, but that a child wouldn't work right now. I felt very protective of the unborn child, and told him, no matter what, I would never hold him responsible. I felt very protective towards this little unborn unplanned child, and in my heart chose the child over him. In my defense, I think this is natural behavior for a mother.
Fast forward two weeks, to the doctor informing me I was to miscarry as the heartbeat had stopped. I let him know immediately, I felt he would be happy, but also comforting. He was due to visit in a few days, and I truly looked forward to being together, holding each other. However, when i told him, he informed me he had fallen out of love with me, didn't want to visit. He said he cared for me as a friend, but that his feelings towards me were changed due to the miscarriage. I sort of lost my cool, begged him to reconsider, not leave me when I needed him most (miscarriage is awful, expected child or not). But he felt honesty would serve him best and he wanted OUT. He has since avoided me, and I've pitifully been begging him for friendship. we used to speak several times a day, and his absence is keenly felt. He is pleasant enough when he does respond to my messages, but, I'm embarrassing myself with my need for him. Even if he only has friendship to offer, the hole left by him in my life is immense. Two months ago he told me I was the best thing in his life, and today I am forgotten???
The thing is - I feel 100% certain he would love me if he could see me.. i'm still thinking about moving to his province, and trying to win him back eventually.. I see that I made many mistakes, but, had I not gotten pregnant, we would be together right now.
Can I win him back after he thinks he 'fell out of love'? Could it just be the after effects of the shock, and when he sees me he'll feel for me again? He knows I was planning on moving there before I met him.. So it's not like I would simply be showing up out of the blue to follow him around. In fact, I plan on giving him distance, and winning him back slowly, and with friendship. Do you think I lost his trust and heart forever??
I'm so sad. I'm upset about the loss of my best friend and lover. I can't focus on life. He was the only man i've ever felt like I could be with forever. He is the best most amazing person I have ever known, and I've lost him. Please give me advice. I just want him back.