How to deal with flakey friends?
December 16, 2010 6:11 PM Subscribe
How do you deal with flakey friends who do not commit to their own plans?
posted by anonymous to human relations (58 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
I have a friend who gets in the habit of making fake plans, and it's extremely irritating. I love her to death, she's an old friend from college and I do see her all the time and it's always fun, but the chances of it happening are always a crapshoot.
For instance, she'll mention in the beginning of the week, "Can't wait for the end of the week, want to come out with me and some friends on Friday???" and I'll say yes, because I love going out, and I love making plans and having something to look forward to. I'll call/message her in the middle of the week to make sure that everything is still on, and get no response. Then on friday I'll shoot a text asking what's up, where should we meet, and I'm met with "Oh work has been so rough this week sorry I'm too tired." This has happened three times now over the past 4 or 5 weeks - once she was too tired, another time it was "oh sorry dinner with my family tonight" and another time "sorry I forgot I have to be up early tomorrow to travel". From that point I'll either scramble to make plans with someone else or sit around at home disappointed.
It really hurts, not as much because she's abandoning the plans - maybe they're legitimate excuses - but because she has the audacity to make them in the first place. I completely understand the idea of getting stressed by the idea of committing to a plan, or making a plan and then when the day comes immediately regretting it because you're too tired or no longer interested. I get that people do that. But I'm starting to feel like I care a whole lot more about this friendship and the prospect of hanging out than she does and here I am, really looking forward to it like a sucker.
I'm seeking advice to either a) learn how to deal/live with a friend like this from a tactical standpoint or b) how would I discuss this with her without looking like too demanding of a friend (she works a really stressful job 50-60 hours a week and I imagine the last thing she needs is one of her friends getting all dramatic on her). I'd rather her not think "wow, didn't realize this girl is crazy/such a drama queen!" but could see that happening since she probably has no clue what she is doing.