How do I get over my resentment?
July 25, 2010 7:22 AM Subscribe
How do I get over my resentment of the girl who has everything--and has invaded this community I am so passionate about?
posted by Hey nonny nonny mouse to Human Relations (45 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
When I say "Everything" I mean:
1) She's stunning
2) She's charming
3) She comes from a well-off family who gives her anything she needs (new car, doesn't need a job, etc)
4) She's got terrific natural talent in our community
5) People love her off-the-bat and she gets a lot of attention from senior advisors (See #1, 2, 4)
Her commitment to the community extends only to her advancement in it, not to its spread. Close friends of hers admit though she is funny and charming she's immature, selfish, and lacks empathy because her exposure to life difficulties have been minimal. She remains terrifically well-liked and a Golden Girl.
This is me:
1) Not so very attractive
2) More socially awkward and dealing with mental health issues
3) Background of abuse, neglect, poverty
4) Must expend 200% of her effort to get 10% of the results
5) Hard work impresses few people and #1 and #2 don't help
I'm passionate about enlarging the community and helping the people within (have made a career of it). It gives me a great deal of personal satisfaction when I'm not being eaten away by resentment.
I have never hated someone so much for such petty reasons. I feel like though I have worked hard (many people in the community comment on how hard I work) but because I'm not pretty and talented and charming it doesn't matter. I try to tell myself that hard work is its own reward and perhaps going through what I have gone through will build character, but when I am seeing no progress, getting little support, and feel terribly behind it is difficult to not wish things were a bit easier for me or my efforts were appreciated. Apparently a sense of empathy doesn't seem to matter in the large scheme of things. I see her skim on by and earn loads of praise and help for what effort she does have to put in, and the unfairness of it all burns me.
I know this is all insecurity and jealousy. I know this will kill me. So how do I get over it? I try not of dwell on it and focus on my own work and happiness, but our community is small and she's inevitably popping up with another accomplishment. This sends me reeling back to square one.