Why don't I like people? Yes, I've tried!
July 15, 2010 8:01 AM Subscribe
This would be a fairly standard 'how do I make friends' question, except I know the reason I can't. Lack of social skills, not liking normal socialising exercises (e.g. parties), and living miles from anywhere are part of it, but before I get to those problems I have this one: I don't like anybody. Seriously, this is an even bigger problem than people not liking me.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (32 answers total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
No-one's good/interesting/intelligent enough for me. I'm not claiming I'm any of those things. I just get very little pleasure out of the company of normal people — and further disillusionment.
My standards are not too high! I hardly have standards at all, anymore. But when I meet or observe people, despite my best intentions, despite persevering with the same person for weeks (or in the case of family members, years), I feel, from the 'objective' position which places my consciousness outside the universe: is this the best humanity has to offer? Then empty, because I want to be part of it, but part of a better version of it.
I don't have a delusional god syndrome. I'm not misanthropic, either. I have romantic idealistic dreams of being friends with people. And lovers. But acceptable people don't exist. They're ugly and unattractive. I'm one of them, which I put up with. If I can put up with it in myself, why can't I put up with it in them? They remind me I'm human?
Sometimes I like fictional people. But I can't imagine us in a friendship, because I feel I'm not good enough for them. Ignoring the fact they're fictional.
I believe lots of good things about humans in general. I just don't like any individuals. Why would I want to be friends with anyone I don't like? But there's no-one else...
If I get beyond the 'I don't like anyone' point, the other problems are pretty insurmountable too. They're like one of those awful knots you can't get undone (except by slashing them in half with a sword, which defeats the purpose of freeing the rope), in that any solution is blocked by another of the problems.
I apologise for diluting aMeFi with more of this. I want love, most people want love. I've no doubt that one response to this thread is going to be 'you need psychological help'. This question's focusing a bit beyond that: how do I get this help? I've never met a psychologist/other person who had any remote understanding of me/what could help. Nor were they particularly interested. Excuse my rampaging ego, but I feel they were out of their depth. Most people with some experience of this commit suicide, I think. They're not very good sources of solutions. (I'm sort of ... indifferent, and masochistically curious about life and my limits at the same time. That's the best reason I can come up with for why I haven't killed myself yet.) Or should I morph into the cover art of an emo compilation album? I realise my problems aren't big on a world scale. But sometimes they make me scream, and the only thing I can think of that might solve them is magic or death.
None of this is absolute. I can have animated conversations with people, where the insincerity's less than the sincerity. It just doesn't last: however much temporary time-passing we've done, I don't much care about these people as people. And they don't form attachments to me.
Anyway, are there any people I might like? How do I discover the good qualities of those available to me, and allow low-level proximity love to form, rather than seeking intellectual love?