Questions about male-female attraction and my validity as a man.
After reading Intimate Connections
last year I decided a few weeks ago to try a few online dating sites. I haven't managed to get a date yet (in part, I hope, because I live in a medium-sized town near a small city) and I've been feeling discouraged (is my profile too honest? am I just unattractive?) which has caused me to look for some dating advice online. (I'm a bit socially isolated, so my real-life dating prospects aren't good - I go to classes and have a couple of friends, but I don't have many contacts to draw on in this regard).
The sort of stuff I've been coming across seems to suggest that I'm too nice, respectful, polite, kind etc and that I'm an unattractive 'beta' male, if indeed I even classify as a male at all. It also suggests that I'm the sort of person who gets 'friend-zoned' rather than boyfriend-zoned, or whatever the term is. (A lot of this stuff also has quite a misogynistic tone, which I find very difficult but am overlooking for the moment.)
If this sort of stuff is correct (and I intend to do further reading - recommendations welcome) then it means that my whole world-view is fundamentally wrong and that the reason I have little success with women is that I'm doing everything wrong and should try to become a completely different person in thought and deed. Suffice to say, this is a little bit upsetting.
My questions are:
Do I need to totally change as a person in order to have any realistic chance with women? (Obviously you don't know me, but you know my type, I guess.)
How is this pick-up-artist/ladder-theory stuff regarded outside of its community?
Does the scientific evidence support its conclusions?
Is there a 'moderate' version that might be better suited to someone like me? (from what I've read, alpha-males sound evil, I don't want to become one!)
(Male, straight, English.)