No Flip-Flops?

October 17, 2007 4:21 AM

Do the shoes make the man?

Ok, I have often heard that women will check out a guys shoes when first meeting him...how true is this practice ladies?

What are you looking for? Well kept? High dollar? Matching ones?

And if it is true, what should I be wearing?

posted by keep it tight to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (31 answers total)

i've often heard that the shoes need to match the belt (in color), and that if they don't...well, something ain't right.
posted by garfy3 at 4:42 AM on October 17, 2007

Shoes are totally important, they are the one piece of clothing men wear that can be a little more flashy and stylized without looking like a joke. I pick out shoes that are original and cool and go well with the rest of my wardrobe. I have about 7 pairs of shoes I wear regularly and I get more compliments on them then anything else I own, almost as often as once a day, so people definitely are paying attention.
posted by CaptMcalister at 4:57 AM on October 17, 2007

I'm not going to judge a guy on his shoes alone, nor will I make any attempt to judge his personality by looking at his shoes. But it's not so much the shoes by themselves as how they fit in with the rest of the guy's attire.

Sneakers + jeans = fine.
Suit + sneakers = No. Go drown yourself.

Even sandals, which I don't like much at all, fall into this system:
Sandals + shorter pants = Might be fine (depending on the sandals and the pants).
Sandals + jeans = No. Go set yourself on fire.
Sandals + robe = Don't I know you from somewhere?
posted by Skyanth at 5:21 AM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

IANALady...

but I have a pair of slightly-edgy brown dress shoes that I've been complimented on a total of 7 times, at least that I can remember, 5 of those by women and 2 by gay men. I love those shoes.

In my book you should always have a polished, not-too-over-worn pair of black and pair brown shoes in your wardrobe at all times. Be prepared to drop at least a couple hundred dollars on each pair, unless you're sample-sale savvy or shop at a DSW or something.

See your local cobbler as necessary to keep the heels / soles / insides, etc. in good repair, get them shined regularly, and for heaven's sake use a shoe horn and shoe trees when you're not wearing them (preferably cedar to combat your foot smell).
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:42 AM on October 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

A man who takes care of his shoes looks like a man who handles his responsibilities. He remembers appointments, takes out the trash, and never forgets to make dinner reservations. I'm not looking to be impressed by a guy's shoes, I just don't want to be disappointed. They should be clean, well-kept, and worn with an appropriate pair of socks. And although I won't judge a man by his shoes alone, a guy whose pants break too short -- no matter how nice the shoes -- may find it impossible to redeem himself in my book.
posted by junkbox at 6:43 AM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

I would say so. I have a pair of cherry red patent leather Doc Martens that I wear all the time and I feel pretty much define my style. I get compliments for them all the time.
posted by fallenposters at 7:04 AM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

The shoes definitely make the man and some women (I know of one) will judge the entire personality, character traits, and relationship-readiness factors based on what kind of shoes you are wearing. Apparently, that day, I was wearing the wrong kind of shoe. Then again, she was with her partner, so it hardly mattered. Just, whatever kind of shoe you wear, don't go to Payless to get them. Women know Payless quality. I don't know how they know, but they know.
posted by parmanparman at 7:04 AM on October 17, 2007

Better shoes are worth having and wearing.

And it isn't just about looks either, because better shoes are usually more comfortable and more stable. How comfortable you are is going to be noticed by most anyone.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:10 AM on October 17, 2007

Oh ... and what to wear? In addition to two pairs of Merrells and a pair of Adidas trail runners, some Kenneth Cole dress shoes, my favorite shoes (and the ones that get complimented more often) are my Borns.

I've owned this pair of black leather Born's for almost two years now. They've maintained their look and feel throughout. Comfortable, great for walking, perfect for traveling. They work with work casual clothing, but just as well (or better) with t-shirt and jeans.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:16 AM on October 17, 2007

From personal experience, a disturbing number of people not only notice shoes, they make inferences about your personality based on entirely podiatric evidence. (see above).

If you really want to know how many people are paying attention to shoes, buy a nice pair of shoes. Not some 300$ reeboks, or something, but slightly edgy dress shoes, as mentioned above. The comments and compliments you receive will likely change your opinions about the people around you.

At first, the realization that people's opinions and attractions toward me changed with footwear *really* bothered me. Coming to terms with just how shallow their assessment is, though, allowed me to use it cynically, as an opportunity to manipulate their opinion, rather than be subject to it.
posted by fake at 7:17 AM on October 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Quality shoes are also a sound investment; they cost more at the outset, but they last much longer and therefore, in the long run, actually cost less.

Perhaps an astute woman will recognize your investment acumen by glancing at your fancy, well-kept shoes.

Or not.
posted by sic at 7:18 AM on October 17, 2007

As long as you aren't wearing birkenstocks with sandals or Crocs, you're probably fine.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:27 AM on October 17, 2007

? Isn't a birkenstock a sandal?
posted by rolypolyman at 7:36 AM on October 17, 2007

yes , from a personal (male) perspective , i always notice someones shoes , shoes are more personal than other clothes. I have no basis for this obviously.
posted by burr1545 at 7:40 AM on October 17, 2007

Boys I tend to crush on usually fall somewhere along the hipster/geek continuum. I use shoes to figure out which end of it they tend toward.
posted by MsMolly at 7:59 AM on October 17, 2007

There is something viral about noticing shoes. I never paid any attention to footwear until I met my wife, who views shoes as the defining factor for any look. Now, if I find myself briefly scanning one of her US or OK magazines (searching for an article on the allegorical symbolism of Goethe's Faust, I assure you), I can't seem to overlook poor footwear choices by the starlets. My education in this regard has had no effect on my own shoes, which remain slightly worn, scuffed, and badly in need of polish.
posted by A Long and Troublesome Lameness at 8:01 AM on October 17, 2007

No matter what you end up buying, if they're leather, take care of them - shoe trees, regular polishing, resoling as necessary.

Please avoid sandals at all costs unless you are either on or heading towards a beach. If you must wear Birkenstocks or the like, no socks. EVER.

Now, as for brands. I tend towards the conservative, so I like Kenneth Cole; that said, I have a couple pairs of Fluevog dress shoes that I really like as well.

If there's a Nordstrom in your town, go there - they have a great selection of men's shoes (that's how they started as a business, as a men's shoe store). It's not particularly cheap, but you're better off buying one or two pairs of $100-$150 shoes than a bunch of pairs of crappy shoes. Even if you don't buy there, they tend to be fairly aggressive with their styles, so you can see what's all the rage these days and then buy from zappos or somewhere a bit cheaper.
posted by pdb at 8:09 AM on October 17, 2007

I have to agree. I look at men's shoes as it give a tiny bit of insight into their personality or personal grooming. Or, I have shoe bigotry.

Cause I HATE when men wear flip flops. I think it's disgusting. And if it's a very athletic shoe, then I think he might not be the type for me.

Of course, I'm married now so I don't really care any more.
posted by agregoli at 8:47 AM on October 17, 2007

Ditto CaptMcalister and Junkbox. Mens' clothing seems to allow for less creativity and expression of style than does womens' so I think that men should definitely find a way to use shoes and ties to show who they are behind their suits.

Full disclosure, I'm a woman. Yes, I DEFINTELY look at a man's shoes. Ditto what everyone said about the shoes being appropriate to the outfit, being clean, and being well-cared for...that is the bare minimum. I like to see a man wearing a pair of shoes that he thought about before buying (though maybe not obsessively thought about as that might indicate something else...not that there is anything wrong with it!). I want to see a man who didn't just buy what was on sale or what is trendy, but shoes that express his style, his personality. They can be a weird choice and maybe not entirely appropriate to the outfit, but it all depends on his intention, how he wears them. I can attest that a good pair of shoes will make me notice you all other things being equal, maybe even unequal.

And where the pants fall and where they break is important and noticed. Oh, and your socks? Don't think you can get away with white athletic socks just because YOU can't see them while standing in front of the mirror!
posted by kenzi23 at 8:59 AM on October 17, 2007

Oh absolutely.
Have to keep an eye out for the guys with big feet.
posted by idiotfactory at 9:00 AM on October 17, 2007

Not at all. I hardly notice them unless they're blatantly mismatched (sandals with a suit) or if he's wearing Crocs.
posted by cmgonzalez at 10:03 AM on October 17, 2007

As long as they are clean, appropriate and well kept I can not understand any further consideration of shoes as a point of emphasis.

Judging a man by his shoes = judging a book by its cover.

And I liked sondrialiac's post, above.
posted by mikeinclifton at 10:07 AM on October 17, 2007

I think shoes say a lot even if what they say about a given person is that they don't care what their shoes say.

I don't exactly have a set of preferences but I know what I don't like on men: (1) Sandals - this includes but is not limited to Teva, Birkenstock and Croc. (2) Big White Sneakers - just kind of funny. Even funnier when they're those ultramodern ones that look like little futuristic cars on your foot or have exposed springs or whatever.

Sure, this may seem superficial to some, and that's fine with me. But people dress the way they do for *some* reason, and I happen to think that reason is interesting and somewhat relevant. Looking at their choices can hint at personality. Anyway, it's completely within my right to find whatever I decide is either sexy or not sexy to me.
posted by loiseau at 11:29 AM on October 17, 2007

PS. Flipflops are a giant "no" for me. But then I don't like them on women either.
posted by loiseau at 11:30 AM on October 17, 2007

My significant other's style is incredibly important to me, and that sounds shallow as hell, but I'm serious. If he has unique style and good taste, I find him attractive. If he's really good-looking, makes a ton of money and wears flip-flops everywhere (or old sneakers, or the same pair of shoes with every outfit, or crocs, or birkenstocks, or mandals with socks) I am repulsed beyond belief.

Knowing what to wear and where signals to a woman that you care about yourself, know that different occasions call for different looks, and that you have the budget and discretion to ensure you are always at your best in public. These are signals tied to personality and behavioral traits that women find attractive, like discretion, manners, and good self-esteem.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 11:59 AM on October 17, 2007

Oh, and the big feet, big you-know-what thing is a myth.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 12:01 PM on October 17, 2007

If you look at someone from top to bottom (i.e. you're checking them out), the first thing you'll see is their face and the last thing you'll see is their shoes. It's always good to start strong and end strong.

A fun and easy experiment to do is looking in a mirror with the same clothes but different shoes. Try every pair of shoes you own and see how your perception of yourself changes. Then wear the pair you think looks best. Thinking and feeling that you look good is more important than what other people think.
posted by hamhed at 12:05 PM on October 17, 2007

I think it depends how much thought the woman puts into shoes to start with. If you're going to date imelda marcos, she will notice your shoes. If it's something she considers important in life in general, then it will be important in reference to you. Personally, I don't care about shoes much. I would never care about a guy's shoes, but I pay very little attention to my own shoes. For the last few weeks I have been wearing sneakers with my semi-dress adjunct lecturer (slacks & dress shirt) outfits, because my one pair of dress shoes died and I haven't been able to buy a new pair yet, and once I decided sneakers were acceptable, it became less of a priority to buy the new shoes... (I was teaching Aristotle when the shoes went, so my boyfriend helped me rationalize it by pointing out that Aristotle was a Peripatetic, so walking shoes are appropriate.)

Everyone has different priorities. If you want to find a woman who puts a lot of thought into stylish presentation and sharp fashion sense, then you should return the favor. For men, shoes, the haircut, perhaps a watch, glasses, maybe the belt, and a few other accessories, are the primary ways he can be fashionable. Shoes are definitely reliable there. So if you're into being fashionable, or you're into fashionable women, then paying attention to footwear is a good way to get that across to the people you want to connect to. If that stuff strikes you as at least a secondary concern and maybe just a distracting superficiality, then it's not going to end up on your list. Be who you are. Wear what you like and what expresses your priorities - if you think looking good is a fundamental issue, and you want her to always be in top form on that count, you should invest in snappy shoes that fit with your general style. If no, don't worry about it.

The problem may be if you're trying to increase your potential pool as widely as possible, since it's less likely that many people will be specifically turned off by nice shoes (there may be a few who get the sense you're too metro or trendy or suave which will play off as shallow, but in general the choices will be "it matters, & you have to have nice shoes" or "it doesn't matter"). So, if your goal is to please the widest range, you probably want nice shoes, and if your goal is to find someone who actually thinks the way you do, and likes you for who you are, you should decide whether you actually want nice shoes and just go with that.
posted by mdn at 12:23 PM on October 17, 2007

Man here: statement of obvious: feel free to jump down my throat.

Do you want to go out with someone who will judge your suitability based on the kind of shoe you are wearing?

If so, take advice.
posted by lalochezia at 5:21 PM on October 17, 2007

The hat makes the man; shoes had better match it.
posted by jet_silver at 8:36 PM on October 17, 2007

i wear new rock boots
wonder what that says... :D
posted by browolf at 10:37 AM on October 29, 2007