I gush too much for my own good.
February 10, 2007 8:48 AM   Subscribe

Tips for going down on a woman who gushes, please!

The woman is me. I can gush quite a lot, and even when I hold back I sprinkle. While I am aware that the ejaculate is not pee exactly, it can smell unpleasantly like pee, especially in large quantities, especially to someone with a delicate sense of smell.

So, um, am I doomed to spend the rest of my life restricted to brief licks? Do I need to learn to love the latex dental dam? Or is there something we haven't thought of?
posted by kika to Human Relations (26 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

Find a guy that doesn't mind. Seriously. If a guy does mind, say "eww", express displeasure, etc, he's probably a bit too immature to be worth your time.
posted by The Michael The at 8:53 AM on February 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

And the point is that this isn't a problem or anything wrong with you. It's a natural part of you. The problem is with people that think there's something wrong.
posted by The Michael The at 8:55 AM on February 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

He doesn't love how much he can make you gush? ("I'm sorry honey, I'll try not to get so turned on when you touch me.") He's the one with the problem. Gush away.
posted by meerkatty at 9:03 AM on February 10, 2007

You're not clear wether you've received negative feedback on this or if this is something that you feel bad about but the people above offer good advice. Spin it as a very outward sign of how much you are enjoying things. That can be a good thing for us guys because hey sometimes we need obvious signs.
posted by mmascolino at 9:13 AM on February 10, 2007

can smell unpleasantly like pee? just make sure you relieve your bladder first. Otherwise I really don't see why this would be a problem. find a guy that likes it.
posted by magikker at 9:26 AM on February 10, 2007

Most guys don't mind. I don't mind. It's a good thing™. It just means you're enjoying it.
posted by fvox13 at 9:33 AM on February 10, 2007

If your guy has a problem with it, ask him if he enjoys ejaculating in a woman's mouth...?

Wikipedia link.

I'm not overly familiar with female ejaculation, but I did have one thought - urine smells much stronger when the body is dehydrated. It's a long shot, but perhaps drinking more water before sex would help? The idea being that your urethra would be flushed out, leading to less smell. I am not a doctor by any stretch of the imagination. But this is the only thing I can think of that might help.
posted by Solomon at 9:35 AM on February 10, 2007

Sorry, I didn't make myself clear. I'm not at all embarrassed or ashamed, and my beloved has never tried to make me feel so. It's just that not everyone who issues the invitation to "sit on my face and tell me that you love me" expects to be immediately bestowed with an overflowing mouthful of strong-smelling liquid. And even with the best of intentions, not everyone is going to develop a kink for the experience.

In particular, my beloved is not developing the kink. We've already bought a house together, so I'm not exchanging for a less sensitive model any time soon.

Gushing is not the issue - we have thick absorbent pads on the bed and go to town - just gushing into the mouth.

(It's true, I don't particularly enjoy swallowing male ejaculate myself, but the difference is that men come once, at the end, and you get to decide whether you're going to swallow or not. I start gushing as soon as I get turned on, so it's not something that can be ducked at a critical moment.)
posted by kika at 9:56 AM on February 10, 2007

This seems pretty obvious to me, maybe you should position yourself so you aren't like dripping into the mouth of your beloved. 69 springs to mind (you on the bottom).
posted by shownomercy at 10:01 AM on February 10, 2007

You have pads on the bed, is there anything wrong with a handy towel?
posted by Max Power at 10:23 AM on February 10, 2007

You start gushing as soon as you get turned on, and "it can smell unpleasantly like pee"?

That doesn't sound like ejaculate... it sounds like urine. According to the wikipedia article above, female ejaculate cannot be urine because "the levels of creatinine and urea are too low." Therefore, female ejaculate shouldn't smell like urine.

I hope I'm not vilified for this, but since the fluid comes out long before you reach orgasm, this sounds like incontinence. I'm not a doctor, so my opinion isn't worth much here. Nevertheless, if this is distressing you or your partner, I recommend discussing the matter with your gynecologist.

I do have two ideas for coping mechanisms: strengthening your PC muscle, and fully emptying your bladder before getting intimate.
posted by LightStruk at 11:21 AM on February 10, 2007

I'm gonna agree with LightStruk on this one.
posted by jmnugent at 12:07 PM on February 10, 2007

kika, I agree with meerkatty and mmascolino. Gush!
It's not as 'expected' as male ejaculate might be in general, but (I think) who would not appreciate knowing you are turned on in a most demonstrative way? One needn't develop a kink for it but just understand that is is how you go and appreciate that this is part of who you are sexually.
posted by nj_subgenius at 12:28 PM on February 10, 2007

posted by emelenjr at 1:18 PM on February 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

It's a good thing, and doesn't necessarily coincide with orgasm.

It's too bad your boy's not into tasting it, but given that, I'm sure you don't have an unlimited supply: use penetration (either via intercourse or a toy) til you're all gushed out, then have him go down on you.
posted by contraption at 1:33 PM on February 10, 2007

Just an idea, and even though there is clearly no need for lubricant of any kind, there are many lubes that smell great and are quite tasty. Perhaps just a little bit of that essence would make it more enjoyable for your partner.
posted by snsranch at 2:34 PM on February 10, 2007

That doesn't sound like ejaculate... it sounds like urine. According to the wikipedia article above, female ejaculate cannot be urine because "the levels of creatinine and urea are too low." Therefore, female ejaculate shouldn't smell like urine.

Exactly, you're peeing on him. The smell is there for a reason, and the fact you're needing pads etc also supports this. It's not incontinence either, just that the excitement and muscle contractions are working in a certain way so you're ejecting some urine. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it most likely feels really good. But it can be minimised or prevented, just empty your bladder right before sex, do some kugels to strengthen the muscles and hold back as much as you can. Different positions and angles can help with this, particularly after doing the kugle exercises. You can retrain the muscles to not let go at that time and for it to feel good working in a different way.
posted by shelleycat at 4:36 PM on February 10, 2007

No, as I hope the poster knows, gushing can smell peeish and NOT be pee. Kind of a sweet, salty, warm smell. I'm, uh, not basing this information on wikipedia. If she knows it's gushing, it's gushing. And, uh, gushing is aaall about the pads.

Read the question, right?

I do think you can use muscle control to keep it in, though it may be sexually frustrating at first to resist the gush. Try squeezing really tight the whole time. Experiment with angles that unsheath your clit the most (back arching being my suggstion) so you can keep the stimulation away from more deeper G-spot action. I know we women can get into patterns of chasing down one type of orgasm over and over, but you may very well be able to come with geographically restricted stimulation. And for pete's sake, employ your fella in devising a solution to this. (I'm thinking of specific oral maneuvers here. Lighter contact, little suction, etc.)

Have fun!

and of course, I 2nd contraption's suggestion.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:06 PM on February 10, 2007

You probably would want to do Kegels instead of kugels, though.
posted by rikschell at 5:45 PM on February 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Female ejaculation and orgasms in general are related to strong pubic muscles are they not?

My girlfriend, who is now in different country, ejaculates but not from just going down on her, only through g-spot stimulation. I am very familiar with the smell you are talking about. It is NOT urine, it has a very unique consistency.

I can only speak for myself but female ejaculation tastes much worse then then my own cum.

I would second a position like the 69. Then again I can imagine you might still shoot him in the eye in the heat of things. Have you ever exhausted your supply of ejaculate? Maybe he could stimulate your g-spot with his fingers until you've got nothing left.

Thinking outside of the box, you could try a a catheter redirect or contain your ejaculate. I don't know the logistics of catheters but it might not be that uncomfortable if you only put it part way up your urethra. There might be some that are reusable if cleaned.
posted by robofunk at 8:51 PM on February 10, 2007

I'm not positive, but I've not got the vibe from the post that we are necessarily talking about a male partner here... not to be the PC police (synchronilarious) but let's not make heteronormative assumptions, okay?
posted by loiseau at 8:55 PM on February 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

I used to have a girlfriend who was a frequent gusher. It happened almost every time I went down on her. I thought it was great, because I knew that she was getting off, and she thought it was great because, well, she was getting off.

My advice - buy a playsheet. They sell them at most sextoy shops. It's a sheet made of vinyl or pvc that goes under your sheets, and protects your bed from excess moisture. Just be sure to wash the playsheet after every use.

posted by Afroblanco at 10:48 PM on February 10, 2007

RE Kegels: it's not lack of PC muscles! I started really gushing *after* I instituted a regular PC excerise program. This is consistent with the literature promoting PC exercises to enable g-spot orgasms and gushing. Worked for me.

RE Is it pee or is it ejaculate: follow up the Wikipedia links at the bottom of the article - in particular, this one: http://www.ejhs.org/volume4/Schubach/abstract.html. High-volume ejaculate comes from the bladder, though it is not normal urine. As noted in comments above for instance, it has a much lower urea and creatine content. So getting worried about whether the fluid is pee or urine doesn't get you very far - they are different but related fluids. (There is also low-volume ejaculate that comes from the urethral walls, but that's not what I'm having the issue with here.)

RE Incontinence: I'm not having trouble retaining anything. I'm actively expelling. Quite different. When I start gushing pretty much as soon as I get turned on it's because I'm having multiple orgasms. Not just one at the end.

Ambrosia Voyeur: Thanks. It's true, I don't gush at all when I masturbate. So I will definitely be experimenting.

loiseau: Thanks for noticing. My beloved happens to be a man, and to be a legal spouse even, facts of which I am a little ashamed. I was a dyke for ten years and my an apartment was woman-only space. (I identify as bisexual now.) Anyway, I'm not hetero-normative.
posted by kika at 5:13 AM on February 11, 2007

Oh - and RE 69: I've tried. The angle is really annoying.

Maybe I'll try again.
posted by kika at 5:16 AM on February 11, 2007

My partner is a gusher. I don't particularly enjoy the gush but she shure does, so I just muscle through, so to speak. She usually only gushes when she comes, so I've found that I can adjust the angle of my head in realtion to her bits so that she gets the stimulation she needs while most of the flow misses my mouth. Experiment with different angles of approach, that's my advice.
posted by lekvar at 3:22 PM on February 11, 2007

The Schubach article referenced is really poor science. In fact I'd go as far as to say there are no high quality peer-reviewed studies about female ejaculation.
Large volumes of fluid must be coming from the bladder, but none of the existing biochemical studies disprove that it is urine. The ejaculate does contain high levels of PSA, but that comes from mixed-in paraurethral secretions. That doesn't mean however that female ejaculation is not a physiological phenomenon.
If you want to NOT ejaculate I'd suggest emptying your bladder before sex, and if that still doesn't work, ask your doctor for a prescription for desmopressin nasal spray to take immediately before sex. Incidentally IAAD, and that's definitely an off-license indication for desmopressin.
posted by roofus at 5:43 AM on February 12, 2007

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