Emergency leave of absence: yes or no?
May 27, 2022 6:38 AM Subscribe
My friend is having a mental health crisis, and is unable, right now, to do his job. He's considering taking an emergency leave from work, pretty much immediately, for which his GP will provide a letter. Is this a good idea, and how should he present it to his boss, who does not like him?
This is a bad situation. Please be kind.
My friend, who has mental health issues, just got a new job after a period of unemployment. He was doing okay, but then his company hired him a new boss (company is growing rapidly) who appears to have taken an instant dislike to him. New boss formally reprimanded my friend last week, in what appears to be a first step to getting him fired. This has utterly wrecked my friend's ability to perform. He is considering taking an emergency medical leave, which his GP would support.
1) Is medical leave the best next step? All it would do is buy my friend a little time, and we can't see how that would do him much good. OTOH, if he doesn't take a leave, we think the path ahead is pretty clear, i.e., he will not perform, and within a week or a month, the new boss will fire him. New boss appears to be a super-corporate, super-professional, by-the-book, heavy-process guy, whereas my friend is brilliant but inconsistent. They are just a really bad fit for each other.
2) If he does take a leave, what's the best way to present it to his boss? We know his boss can't ask for details. But their relationship is strained (stiff, formal), and my friend is trying to avoid the boss fitting the leave into an internal narrative of 'we can't count on this guy, let's just fire him as soon as it's legally safe.' If you can see any way to build some other kind of narrative here, that would be super-helpful.
Note that my friend doesn't have any natural allies at work yet; everybody works remotely and he hasn't been there long enough. There is no reason to think HR will be sympathetic to him. It's an at-will state and my friend has no special protections.
Thanks for any advice you can provide. I'm really worried about this.
This is a bad situation. Please be kind.
My friend, who has mental health issues, just got a new job after a period of unemployment. He was doing okay, but then his company hired him a new boss (company is growing rapidly) who appears to have taken an instant dislike to him. New boss formally reprimanded my friend last week, in what appears to be a first step to getting him fired. This has utterly wrecked my friend's ability to perform. He is considering taking an emergency medical leave, which his GP would support.
1) Is medical leave the best next step? All it would do is buy my friend a little time, and we can't see how that would do him much good. OTOH, if he doesn't take a leave, we think the path ahead is pretty clear, i.e., he will not perform, and within a week or a month, the new boss will fire him. New boss appears to be a super-corporate, super-professional, by-the-book, heavy-process guy, whereas my friend is brilliant but inconsistent. They are just a really bad fit for each other.
2) If he does take a leave, what's the best way to present it to his boss? We know his boss can't ask for details. But their relationship is strained (stiff, formal), and my friend is trying to avoid the boss fitting the leave into an internal narrative of 'we can't count on this guy, let's just fire him as soon as it's legally safe.' If you can see any way to build some other kind of narrative here, that would be super-helpful.
Note that my friend doesn't have any natural allies at work yet; everybody works remotely and he hasn't been there long enough. There is no reason to think HR will be sympathetic to him. It's an at-will state and my friend has no special protections.
Thanks for any advice you can provide. I'm really worried about this.
How long has the friend been at the job? Some legal protections (like FMLA) do not kick in until the person has been at the job for a certain period. If your friend is covered by laws like FMLA he may be able to get a legally protected break from work, but if not the company may be able to fire him even if he has a medical excuse.
posted by Mid at 6:51 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Mid at 6:51 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Had your friend completely exhausted his unemployment benefits before he got this job? Because otherwise it seems like the best bet might just be to let himself get fired. It doesn't sound like your friend thinks there's a realistic chance of turning things around with this boss, so maybe just getting fired and going back on unemployment (as opposed to taking FMLA leave which is likely to be unpaid) is the best bet, practically speaking.
posted by mskyle at 7:00 AM on May 27, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by mskyle at 7:00 AM on May 27, 2022 [6 favorites]
Here is a handy guide to FMLA leave. It's short and easy to understand. I don't know if it applies here, but it's worth checking out.
posted by J. Wilson at 7:03 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by J. Wilson at 7:03 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hi, IAAL, IANYL or your friend's, I'm probably not licensed in your state, I cannot give you legal advice - my advice here is based on having had to take leave myself. I am in the US and don't know anything about other jurisdictions.
Your friend needs to talk to HR immediately, let them know he needs to go on leave, ask for FMLA paperwork and, if available, short term disability - FMLA is not paid leave. He needs to take the paperwork for these from HR to his doctor immediately, get the doctor to do the paperwork, and go on leave. I would suggest that he talk to HR and not to his boss - HR is supposed to be there for situations like this, so let them handle it.
He also needs to let HR know that he is being bullied by this supervisor. I would consider doing that AFTER the other paperwork is in and he has been approved for FMLA.
Your friend can also consider calling his state's Protection and Advocacy agency for people with disabilities. Go here:
https://acl.gov/programs/aging-and-disability-networks/state-protection-advocacy-systems
and open "Find your P&A Agency".
While he is on leave, he needs to get his mental health together as much as he is able, and he also needs to start looking for a new job.
Your friend already has the most important part of this - a supportive doctor. Tell him to get moving on this now, before he gets fired - FMLA will protect his job for a few months and he can work on the other things he needs.
posted by bile and syntax at 7:32 AM on May 27, 2022 [4 favorites]
Your friend needs to talk to HR immediately, let them know he needs to go on leave, ask for FMLA paperwork and, if available, short term disability - FMLA is not paid leave. He needs to take the paperwork for these from HR to his doctor immediately, get the doctor to do the paperwork, and go on leave. I would suggest that he talk to HR and not to his boss - HR is supposed to be there for situations like this, so let them handle it.
He also needs to let HR know that he is being bullied by this supervisor. I would consider doing that AFTER the other paperwork is in and he has been approved for FMLA.
Your friend can also consider calling his state's Protection and Advocacy agency for people with disabilities. Go here:
https://acl.gov/programs/aging-and-disability-networks/state-protection-advocacy-systems
and open "Find your P&A Agency".
While he is on leave, he needs to get his mental health together as much as he is able, and he also needs to start looking for a new job.
Your friend already has the most important part of this - a supportive doctor. Tell him to get moving on this now, before he gets fired - FMLA will protect his job for a few months and he can work on the other things he needs.
posted by bile and syntax at 7:32 AM on May 27, 2022 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you for the replies so far. And yes, my friend is in the United States. According to the link from J. Wilson, he has not been at his job long enough to be eligible for FMLA. (It says you need a year; he has maybe three months.)
posted by Susan PG at 7:40 AM on May 27, 2022
posted by Susan PG at 7:40 AM on May 27, 2022
Response by poster: What does his short tenure mean in terms of medical leave? Presumably he can use up sick days, but after that, is unpaid medical leave a legal entitlement, or is it up to his company whether or not to grant it? (This is in New York state; IDK if that matters.)
posted by Susan PG at 7:44 AM on May 27, 2022
posted by Susan PG at 7:44 AM on May 27, 2022
The state probably does matter. Some states have laws that are better for employees than the federal FMLA.
posted by J. Wilson at 7:54 AM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by J. Wilson at 7:54 AM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
What's your friend's plan for after he comes back from leave, if it's granted? Is he planning to use this time to find a new job? Can he support himself if he is fired or quits? What happens if he goes back and nothing has changed?
As a side note, while it's very important to treat your friend's feelings as valid and to support him in vocalising them, I do think it is possible that he might be seeing more to this than there is. If he is prone to anxiety or paranoia, he may not be the most reliable narrator of this situation. I would be particularly concerned that he's pre-emptively constructing narratives for the boss finding reasons to fire him, though you don't appear to be convinced that's the case (depending on the industry, a formal reprimand may just be a note in his file -- do you know enough about the company to believe that he's being set up to be fired, or are you just going on his word?).
Obviously as his friend you need to be supportive and compassionate, but be cautious in advising him to drop everything, especially if he can't support himself while unemployed or if unemployment would make his mental health worse. It sounds like he has a supportive doctor, which is great -- I would make sure he is also taking steps to address his mental health in general and not treating this crisis like something he can just ignore or normalise once it's over with.
posted by fight or flight at 8:01 AM on May 27, 2022 [7 favorites]
As a side note, while it's very important to treat your friend's feelings as valid and to support him in vocalising them, I do think it is possible that he might be seeing more to this than there is. If he is prone to anxiety or paranoia, he may not be the most reliable narrator of this situation. I would be particularly concerned that he's pre-emptively constructing narratives for the boss finding reasons to fire him, though you don't appear to be convinced that's the case (depending on the industry, a formal reprimand may just be a note in his file -- do you know enough about the company to believe that he's being set up to be fired, or are you just going on his word?).
Obviously as his friend you need to be supportive and compassionate, but be cautious in advising him to drop everything, especially if he can't support himself while unemployed or if unemployment would make his mental health worse. It sounds like he has a supportive doctor, which is great -- I would make sure he is also taking steps to address his mental health in general and not treating this crisis like something he can just ignore or normalise once it's over with.
posted by fight or flight at 8:01 AM on May 27, 2022 [7 favorites]
Help him search for a new job, or temp job. He doesn't even need to update the cv. Just send it out.
It often takes awhile to fire someone, especially if boss is newer than him. At the moment he's getting anxious about the uncertain possibility of being fired, which seems terrifying, but try reframing that into:
Is OK, he doesn't need to care about this job. He doesn't even need to list it on his cv later. If he can keep his head down and make his boss go through all the steps of firing him, he can get a few more weeks in which to find another job.
He knows better now, what might make a job a good fit. In my experience, it's always easier to get a job while you have a job. The theory of extra available time to search if you are entirely unemployed doesn't really pan out in practice.
Being able to say you have a job, but it's a bad fit and you're looking for something more like *this job* in an interview is way more helpful than being unemployed. It's OK, this job doesn't matter, it's just a stepping stone to the next one, which will be better.*
(it will be better because he'll be better at evaluating jobs, and also because if this boss instantly disliked him, then anyone willing to hire him will start off on a better note because they are choosing him!)
(Second, I do really badly mental health wise when I *care too much* about a job. It's OK to check out of it mentally, and will probably help a lot. Not caring about this job is an option)
posted by Elysum at 8:12 AM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
It often takes awhile to fire someone, especially if boss is newer than him. At the moment he's getting anxious about the uncertain possibility of being fired, which seems terrifying, but try reframing that into:
Is OK, he doesn't need to care about this job. He doesn't even need to list it on his cv later. If he can keep his head down and make his boss go through all the steps of firing him, he can get a few more weeks in which to find another job.
He knows better now, what might make a job a good fit. In my experience, it's always easier to get a job while you have a job. The theory of extra available time to search if you are entirely unemployed doesn't really pan out in practice.
Being able to say you have a job, but it's a bad fit and you're looking for something more like *this job* in an interview is way more helpful than being unemployed. It's OK, this job doesn't matter, it's just a stepping stone to the next one, which will be better.*
(it will be better because he'll be better at evaluating jobs, and also because if this boss instantly disliked him, then anyone willing to hire him will start off on a better note because they are choosing him!)
(Second, I do really badly mental health wise when I *care too much* about a job. It's OK to check out of it mentally, and will probably help a lot. Not caring about this job is an option)
posted by Elysum at 8:12 AM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
There is no good thing to do here. If your friend doesn't try to take leave it sounds like his boss really will work for the next month on getting him fired. If he does take leave, his boss will likely try to use it against him.
I had a boss once who came in with instant grudges against his employees. He wasn't very qualified and I think he sort of assumed that if he got all the employees replaced with newbies then the newbies would think he was some sort of long standing expert.
During this time I had to take a week off work for an emergency physical medical issue. I provided a doctor's note as was company policy, and the guy still reported me to HR. He had been in the company, and new to any type of management, for three months. All my previous supervisors in varying departments had given me superlative performance reviews. It wasn't just me. Over the following couple years, he worked to push every single qualified employee who worked under him when he started out of the company.
All this to say, if your friend's boss was anything like my boss was, the dude won't give up. It's probably not much of a comfort but the boss's behavior is probably more about the boss's inadequacies than your friend's work. The closest thing I can relate it to is truckers who relentlessly speed up when you start passing them in a compact car. As much as you can, help your friend to look for a new job. Network with your friends to ask if their are any openings at their workplaces, even if it's a different field. Send out a ton of resumes. Bear this work for your friend because it can be really hard to do that work when you are busy with the work involved to not get fired by someone who has been Peter Principle-d.
posted by donut_princess at 8:22 AM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
I had a boss once who came in with instant grudges against his employees. He wasn't very qualified and I think he sort of assumed that if he got all the employees replaced with newbies then the newbies would think he was some sort of long standing expert.
During this time I had to take a week off work for an emergency physical medical issue. I provided a doctor's note as was company policy, and the guy still reported me to HR. He had been in the company, and new to any type of management, for three months. All my previous supervisors in varying departments had given me superlative performance reviews. It wasn't just me. Over the following couple years, he worked to push every single qualified employee who worked under him when he started out of the company.
All this to say, if your friend's boss was anything like my boss was, the dude won't give up. It's probably not much of a comfort but the boss's behavior is probably more about the boss's inadequacies than your friend's work. The closest thing I can relate it to is truckers who relentlessly speed up when you start passing them in a compact car. As much as you can, help your friend to look for a new job. Network with your friends to ask if their are any openings at their workplaces, even if it's a different field. Send out a ton of resumes. Bear this work for your friend because it can be really hard to do that work when you are busy with the work involved to not get fired by someone who has been Peter Principle-d.
posted by donut_princess at 8:22 AM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
So, NY state and NYC both have mandatory sick leave laws. Your friend should already have begun accruing leave under the law, but it won't be enough for extended leave. There is an anti-retaliation provision in both laws, but of course the difficulty is in enforcing it. As a practical matter, it'll be tough for an individual.
posted by praemunire at 9:40 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 9:40 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
New boss appears to be a super-corporate, super-professional, by-the-book, heavy-process guy
If that's an accurate description of the boss, it's unlikely he has a personal vendetta to "get rid" of your friend. It's business. Your friend is a poor performer, your friend will be fired; your friend recovers and performs fine, problem solved, no hard feelings or grudges. The "process" requires a lot of continued misbehavior on the part of the employee. The goal of all disciplinary actions is correction of undesirable behavior, not revenge.
Your friend should also act "by-the-book" - take leave if they have it, get a doctor's note if required, be up-front about when they think they will be able to return, and indicate whether they think this is a one-time thing or if it is going to be a chronic problem.
You might think it's an advantage to pretend it's not going to be an ongoing issue, and I mean obviously it's better if that's true, but if it is, then it is. Your friend really wants to start the discussion now about getting a reasonable accommodation for their disability. They may need some certain documentation from the medical provider. It's not guaranteed that the company will be able to accommodate, but they're required to enter that negotiation in good faith. Hiding the disability from the manager gives them a too-easy excuse.
I mean, it's possible that the boss does indeed want to fire your friend for some personal reason. I don't deny that's a thing that happens. But that's not consistent with the given description of the boss.
posted by ctmf at 10:37 AM on May 28, 2022
If that's an accurate description of the boss, it's unlikely he has a personal vendetta to "get rid" of your friend. It's business. Your friend is a poor performer, your friend will be fired; your friend recovers and performs fine, problem solved, no hard feelings or grudges. The "process" requires a lot of continued misbehavior on the part of the employee. The goal of all disciplinary actions is correction of undesirable behavior, not revenge.
Your friend should also act "by-the-book" - take leave if they have it, get a doctor's note if required, be up-front about when they think they will be able to return, and indicate whether they think this is a one-time thing or if it is going to be a chronic problem.
You might think it's an advantage to pretend it's not going to be an ongoing issue, and I mean obviously it's better if that's true, but if it is, then it is. Your friend really wants to start the discussion now about getting a reasonable accommodation for their disability. They may need some certain documentation from the medical provider. It's not guaranteed that the company will be able to accommodate, but they're required to enter that negotiation in good faith. Hiding the disability from the manager gives them a too-easy excuse.
I mean, it's possible that the boss does indeed want to fire your friend for some personal reason. I don't deny that's a thing that happens. But that's not consistent with the given description of the boss.
posted by ctmf at 10:37 AM on May 28, 2022
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Your friend's company - if it is a real company and not a wacky start-up - will have an employee manual which will lay out details about leave. He should have received this manual upon being hired, but if not, he should ask HR for it. HR won't be on his side, per say, but your friend has a disability he is asking for leave around, so if they are smart and don't want to get sued (which I can't promise) they will follow whatever rules are in their manual. He should work through HR to secure his leave and share the letter. If anything negative happens after requesting his leave, he should contact a lawyer.
Good luck.
I don't work in HR, but I'm a manager who has had to work through multiple staff taking leaves for a variety of reasons.
posted by Toddles at 6:50 AM on May 27, 2022 [10 favorites]