Self-help books on being less sensitive, tougher and more resilient

March 30, 2022 4:04 PM

I’m an extremely sensitive person. Sensitive to criticism and sensitive to setbacks in life and easily upset. I want to grow a thicker skin and work on being tougher and more resilient. I’m looking for good self-help books in this vein. I’m not looking for books on why it’s a gift to be highly sensitive, I want advice to toughen up. Thanks!
posted by vanitas to Grab Bag (10 answers total)

Grit
posted by pyro979 at 4:24 PM on March 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

Try Can't Hurt Me and a book on Stoicism.
posted by loveandhappiness at 4:40 PM on March 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

Do you know why you have these traits? That's really going to impact what information is useful to you. (like: are you autistic or do you have ADHD? rejection sensitivity has a different set of tools to deal with it than, say, adult trauma from a toxic relationship) Brain-management-advice is not one-size-fits-all (and this is like.. a pretty big problem with said advice, as a rule) so any personal insight you can share here is likely to help.
posted by curious nu at 6:30 PM on March 30, 2022 [12 favorites]

I thought I was just sensitive to criticism, and I am, but I have over time discovered that the oversized reactions I have in stressful situations are actually panic attacks. The thing that has helped most is working on my anxiety and panic disorder.
posted by mai at 6:43 PM on March 30, 2022 [7 favorites]

Are you also a perfectionist?

Not a book recommendation, but something which has helped me somewhat is taking up a challenging hobby which I know I will not be good. Then practicing acceptance that I am not good at the thing and that's okay.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 11:51 PM on March 30, 2022 [3 favorites]

I recommend this: The Dialectic Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. It's about emotional regulation. Not sensitivity specifically, but generally how to manage your emotions when they are upsetting to you or cause problems for you or others. It's matter-of-fact, supportive, and straigtforward. Also, evidence-based.
posted by Miko at 12:16 AM on March 31, 2022 [4 favorites]

I have the same issue and one that helped quite a bit is reading up on Stoic philosophy, specifically a book that was recommended to me on here, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. After reading that, I also delved into Epictetus' The Art of Living.
posted by winterportage at 6:43 AM on March 31, 2022

Resilient by Rick Hanson is okay. What I think can help, is remembering self help deliberately markets to insecurities sometimes. Rather than considering yourself an overall soft person, you probably have specific vulnerabilities that may be actively tested in this time. This can allow focus on those vulernabilies, so you can cultivate better strengths and weed out areas that need development. Most people are sensitive, or even especially sensitive, the question is where.

Concepts like Grit or Burnout are helpful, but remember these likely link to specific or actual modes of the brain or psych mindset that are less buzzwordy.
posted by firstdaffodils at 1:48 PM on March 31, 2022

Watch Brene Brown on Netflix. When you stand in the truth of who and what you are, you are released from shame and accompanying emotional reactions.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 2:37 PM on March 31, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure if this is too specific, but I found "Nerve: Adventures in the Science of Fear" to be very useful to me when I recently discovered the beginnings of a fear of heights in myself. Sometimes you think you should just grit your teeth and force yourself to push through, but really eliminating the fear/sensitivity comes from finding ways to ground yourself, or make yourself calm and happy even in the presence of the stimulus.
posted by Lady Li at 4:26 PM on April 1, 2022