Making yourself do things you really want to do but don't actually do?
April 7, 2022 7:33 AM Subscribe
I live in a building with a gorgeous lap pool and I like swimming. I always feel better after I swim. And yet, even though I have plenty of time, most days, I do not swim. How do I make myself go?
There are days when I have literally changed into my bathing suit and still not managed to actually leave my apartment and go downstairs and swim. I just get sucked into the lethargy of dinner / Netflix / stupid games on my phone and I just ... don't go.
When my mom was staying with me, we went virtually every day, and I felt so much better. Everything about my body hurts less if I swim regularly. (Well, everything except my left shoulder, but that's a minor ache compared to the things it fixes in my right hip and back and general outlook on life.)
And while I don't love, love, love the actual swimming part, I do find it generally peaceful and pleasant to be in the pool, listening to music on my headphones and churning out laps. It's definitely not unpleasant enough to warrant not going for an entire week, which is where I'm at now.
There are other things in my life like this, as well -- I want to spend time learning a particular craft, but then I just don't.
What kinds of mental tricks do you use to make yourself do things that you already want to do but just don't actually do?
There are days when I have literally changed into my bathing suit and still not managed to actually leave my apartment and go downstairs and swim. I just get sucked into the lethargy of dinner / Netflix / stupid games on my phone and I just ... don't go.
When my mom was staying with me, we went virtually every day, and I felt so much better. Everything about my body hurts less if I swim regularly. (Well, everything except my left shoulder, but that's a minor ache compared to the things it fixes in my right hip and back and general outlook on life.)
And while I don't love, love, love the actual swimming part, I do find it generally peaceful and pleasant to be in the pool, listening to music on my headphones and churning out laps. It's definitely not unpleasant enough to warrant not going for an entire week, which is where I'm at now.
There are other things in my life like this, as well -- I want to spend time learning a particular craft, but then I just don't.
What kinds of mental tricks do you use to make yourself do things that you already want to do but just don't actually do?
The trick for some people is not to wonder whether you want to do the thing, but to simply do the thing as a matter of course. Make it a part of your routine. Set a time and then just do it, because it's time.
posted by Too-Ticky at 7:40 AM on April 7, 2022 [27 favorites]
posted by Too-Ticky at 7:40 AM on April 7, 2022 [27 favorites]
My tactic is to invest in small practical luxurious accessories.
So I would get some "swim gear" that excites you. In my case I would get a fabulous swim cap, a super nice pool robe, a ridiculously high end soap to be used only after swimming, and a stash of fancy drinks and snacks for the after swim relaxation period.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 8:01 AM on April 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
So I would get some "swim gear" that excites you. In my case I would get a fabulous swim cap, a super nice pool robe, a ridiculously high end soap to be used only after swimming, and a stash of fancy drinks and snacks for the after swim relaxation period.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 8:01 AM on April 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
I think of it in terms of how much brain space it's going to take up. If I don't do x thing, how much time am I going to sit here thinking about it? Usually, just going and doing 30 mins of x is so much better than thinking about x all day.
posted by whitetigereyes at 8:04 AM on April 7, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by whitetigereyes at 8:04 AM on April 7, 2022 [8 favorites]
In addition to the other things mentioned; reduce any barriers you have to going. For example, is finding a clean dry towel the issue? Maybe you buy yourself a week's worth of fluffy nice "only for going to the pool" towels and leave them in a nice stack so you can grab one and go. Is is that your swimsuit is still damp from the day before so it's unpleasant to put on? Maybe you need a second one, or a hook in your bathroom so you remember to hang it up so it dries better. Is it that you need a snack before you go and you get sidetracked in your kitchen? Maybe you have a basket of easy grab and go snacks on the counter so you can eat a granola bar on the way to the pool.
Look at the whole task of going from after work to being in the pool and make every single step 10% easier for yourself.
Another tip that's really helped me lately is remembering that a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest. So for me that has meant if I have stuff to do after work, I need to really really just keep going at it and for the love of everything, not sit down on my couch; if I do it's all over. If I stay standing or moving when I finish work I can actually accomplish things!
posted by Sweetchrysanthemum at 8:05 AM on April 7, 2022 [17 favorites]
Look at the whole task of going from after work to being in the pool and make every single step 10% easier for yourself.
Another tip that's really helped me lately is remembering that a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest. So for me that has meant if I have stuff to do after work, I need to really really just keep going at it and for the love of everything, not sit down on my couch; if I do it's all over. If I stay standing or moving when I finish work I can actually accomplish things!
posted by Sweetchrysanthemum at 8:05 AM on April 7, 2022 [17 favorites]
You know how the advice for a difficult child is to offer them options on how they want to do something that they don't like? Do the same thing to yourself.
I hate to run in cold rain. Yesterday I had a dentist appointment, so I missed the morning run window (see last paragraph) when it was dry. When I finally had time after work and emailing my soon-to-be-new landlord, the weather report was predicting rain and it was 6C. So that rain was going to be cold.
First, I'll note that doing nothing is not one of the options. My options were; go on the exercise bike (not my favourite, and currently I only allow myself this choice 2x per week), plan to run my normal distance, and cut it short after 5km if I wasn't feeling it/the weather was beating me, or plan to run my normal distance.
I chose the 2nd option. By the time I was actually out, despite the crappy rain and cold wet feet I was enjoying moving too much to call it short. Usually anytime that I choose the "and you can cut it short" option, I rarely end up cutting it short.
Simply getting started is really the biggest part of doing something you don't want to do.
Also, as superfluousm mentions, I try my best to have my run be the first thing in the morning because I haven't been beaten down by a day of work yet, and it's *really* easy to accept that "do nothing" is not an option. Yeah, it sucks that I'm waking up at stupid o'clock in the morning. I wasn't a morning person until I started running. Now, even on the weekends it's rare that I can sleep as late as 8am.
posted by nobeagle at 8:08 AM on April 7, 2022 [11 favorites]
I hate to run in cold rain. Yesterday I had a dentist appointment, so I missed the morning run window (see last paragraph) when it was dry. When I finally had time after work and emailing my soon-to-be-new landlord, the weather report was predicting rain and it was 6C. So that rain was going to be cold.
First, I'll note that doing nothing is not one of the options. My options were; go on the exercise bike (not my favourite, and currently I only allow myself this choice 2x per week), plan to run my normal distance, and cut it short after 5km if I wasn't feeling it/the weather was beating me, or plan to run my normal distance.
I chose the 2nd option. By the time I was actually out, despite the crappy rain and cold wet feet I was enjoying moving too much to call it short. Usually anytime that I choose the "and you can cut it short" option, I rarely end up cutting it short.
Simply getting started is really the biggest part of doing something you don't want to do.
Also, as superfluousm mentions, I try my best to have my run be the first thing in the morning because I haven't been beaten down by a day of work yet, and it's *really* easy to accept that "do nothing" is not an option. Yeah, it sucks that I'm waking up at stupid o'clock in the morning. I wasn't a morning person until I started running. Now, even on the weekends it's rare that I can sleep as late as 8am.
posted by nobeagle at 8:08 AM on April 7, 2022 [11 favorites]
Some years ago I bought a waterproof audio player and sealing earbuds with short, coiled cables. It clips to your swim cap and is completely unobtrusive. I went with the waterproofed iPod Shuffle, but Underwater Audio makes a range of products depending on whether you need apps or something minimalist.
The ability to listen to podcasts while swimming made a huge difference for me, especially when swimming alone. A 30-40 minute podcast episode is just about right for how long I want to swim, it takes the monotony out of it, and I feel like I'm accomplishing more than just the swimming. You can use it to learn a language, a craft (depending on the craft), keep up with current events, etc.
posted by jedicus at 8:08 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
The ability to listen to podcasts while swimming made a huge difference for me, especially when swimming alone. A 30-40 minute podcast episode is just about right for how long I want to swim, it takes the monotony out of it, and I feel like I'm accomplishing more than just the swimming. You can use it to learn a language, a craft (depending on the craft), keep up with current events, etc.
posted by jedicus at 8:08 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
I'm trying to cultivate a gym habit for myself. I don't particularly LIKE the gym, but a combination of needing to finish rehabbing a knee and needing to cut down on my blood's cholesterol content is making this necessary.
What's working on making me go do this is a combination of "time commitment" and "reward". To wit:
* One night a week, my roommate has a video call with a therapist and I want to give him space for that. So I need to leave the apartment and go somewhere else anyway...so hey, why not have that "somewhere" be the gym. And I "reward" myself for going by stopping at the supermarket on the way home and getting a TV dinner (a healthy one, mind you) and have that be my "reward" instead of cooking.
* Early on Saturdays I'll soon need to get my CSA share box. The CSA is two blocks from my gym....so hey, why not go an hour early and do the gym first, then I'll be right there for the CSA pickup. And my "reward" is breakfast at a cafe that just opened up across the street; I'm only allowed to go there if I've gone to the gym first.
You know? If there's a regular "errand" that you can build around the pool, so that it can be "well, since I already have to leave the house for X or go drop off Y, I'll just hit the pool while I'm there", and if there's a little "reward" you can give yourself that you ONLY do if you go to the pool first, that may help.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:11 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
What's working on making me go do this is a combination of "time commitment" and "reward". To wit:
* One night a week, my roommate has a video call with a therapist and I want to give him space for that. So I need to leave the apartment and go somewhere else anyway...so hey, why not have that "somewhere" be the gym. And I "reward" myself for going by stopping at the supermarket on the way home and getting a TV dinner (a healthy one, mind you) and have that be my "reward" instead of cooking.
* Early on Saturdays I'll soon need to get my CSA share box. The CSA is two blocks from my gym....so hey, why not go an hour early and do the gym first, then I'll be right there for the CSA pickup. And my "reward" is breakfast at a cafe that just opened up across the street; I'm only allowed to go there if I've gone to the gym first.
You know? If there's a regular "errand" that you can build around the pool, so that it can be "well, since I already have to leave the house for X or go drop off Y, I'll just hit the pool while I'm there", and if there's a little "reward" you can give yourself that you ONLY do if you go to the pool first, that may help.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:11 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
I had a somewhat similar issue last year where I wanted (and needed) to practice drawing every day, or at least every few days. I literally wrote the words "just do the fucking drawing" on a piece of paper and stuck it where I couldn't avoid seeing it. Somehow having a stern reminder from my past self was enough to kick my present self in the butt and make me sit down and just do it.
Can you write "stop procrastinating and just go swimming" somewhere? It might work even as a reminder on your phone that you made a promise to your past self that you need to keep.
posted by fight or flight at 8:17 AM on April 7, 2022
Can you write "stop procrastinating and just go swimming" somewhere? It might work even as a reminder on your phone that you made a promise to your past self that you need to keep.
posted by fight or flight at 8:17 AM on April 7, 2022
When you went with your mom, there was a likely a social component and it was just an enjoyable activity. Whenever I assign “should” to a task or reframe it as exercise rather than “an activity that I enjoy,” my likelihood to complete it plummets.
Stop beating yourself up for not going. Reframe it as “oh how wonderful, I GET to do this thing that makes me feel better.”
(And I want to acknowledge that these mental shifts are not always easy and in general are easier said than done.)
posted by raccoon409 at 8:19 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
Stop beating yourself up for not going. Reframe it as “oh how wonderful, I GET to do this thing that makes me feel better.”
(And I want to acknowledge that these mental shifts are not always easy and in general are easier said than done.)
posted by raccoon409 at 8:19 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
I'm going to be honest here, I am a huge procrastinator and the only reliable way I have found to do something I want to do (but it takes a bit of effort) is a commitment device like Beeminder. If I don't do it then I pay them money.
Having a virtual date or a personal trainer or a swimming partner is another kind of commitment device.
posted by muddgirl at 8:29 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
Having a virtual date or a personal trainer or a swimming partner is another kind of commitment device.
posted by muddgirl at 8:29 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
I was going to say, you invite me to come with you, but I think you get the gist of that with how swimming with your Mom worked so well. Also, I'd love to visit Canada, but reluctantly I must decline your hypothetical invitation for now.
* There's a behavioral economics principle about getting people to actually follow through on behaviours they say they want to do: get them to talk about the behavious/tasks leading up to the moment when they do that. The study I heard about had to do with voting. When asked "will you vote this election", a certain percentage of people would say yes, but a significantly lower number would actually follow through. However, when asked, "How will you get to the polls?", the act of thinking that part out actually led to a surprisingly larger number of people making it to the actual polls and actually voting.
You can probably see where I'm going with this: figure out all the behaviors/tasks you need to do to get to the pool. What is distracting you after you've got your suit on? Laundry? Phone calls? Plan enough to be able to let go of those things for a while. Finding your pool pass? Make it easy to find/bring. Getting your pool shoes and bag to the door? Always put them, in the bag, in the same place, near the door. (When I lived in a high-rise, for me, it was finding my ear protection. Ugh.).
Of course, when I visit I'll be able to help you much more.
posted by amtho at 8:31 AM on April 7, 2022 [8 favorites]
* There's a behavioral economics principle about getting people to actually follow through on behaviours they say they want to do: get them to talk about the behavious/tasks leading up to the moment when they do that. The study I heard about had to do with voting. When asked "will you vote this election", a certain percentage of people would say yes, but a significantly lower number would actually follow through. However, when asked, "How will you get to the polls?", the act of thinking that part out actually led to a surprisingly larger number of people making it to the actual polls and actually voting.
You can probably see where I'm going with this: figure out all the behaviors/tasks you need to do to get to the pool. What is distracting you after you've got your suit on? Laundry? Phone calls? Plan enough to be able to let go of those things for a while. Finding your pool pass? Make it easy to find/bring. Getting your pool shoes and bag to the door? Always put them, in the bag, in the same place, near the door. (When I lived in a high-rise, for me, it was finding my ear protection. Ugh.).
Of course, when I visit I'll be able to help you much more.
posted by amtho at 8:31 AM on April 7, 2022 [8 favorites]
+1 for "go first thing".
My thing is walking in the nearby countryside. I enjoy walking! I get to see and hear wildlife, and watch the seasons change, and admire the sky and the views! And I'm fitter and generally better able to cope with things when I'm doing it. But if I aim to go at lunchtime, or after work, inertia gets in the way, and it's too easy for it not to happen; and if I let it not happen for a few days, I get out of the habit and stop for weeks or months. I'm not a morning person, but by making it the first thing I do once I've cleaned my teeth and put clothes on, I've kept my current streak going for five months. (OK, skipping the odd day when the weather's just been too horrible or I've had a migraine, but.) Maybe you're the same.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:35 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
My thing is walking in the nearby countryside. I enjoy walking! I get to see and hear wildlife, and watch the seasons change, and admire the sky and the views! And I'm fitter and generally better able to cope with things when I'm doing it. But if I aim to go at lunchtime, or after work, inertia gets in the way, and it's too easy for it not to happen; and if I let it not happen for a few days, I get out of the habit and stop for weeks or months. I'm not a morning person, but by making it the first thing I do once I've cleaned my teeth and put clothes on, I've kept my current streak going for five months. (OK, skipping the odd day when the weather's just been too horrible or I've had a migraine, but.) Maybe you're the same.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:35 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
Agree with Too-Ticky. This is such a struggle! Making it a habit where you *don’t have to make a decision in the moment* is what works for me. Recently I did a full year of yoga, once a day every day. I had already made that decision, so it was just a matter of fitting it into my daily schedule. Once the year was up? I stopped and haven’t done it consistently. The daily decision whether to do it or not weighs on me. Maybe you can set up a consistent routine so that the constant decision making doesn’t drag you down. Good luck!
posted by sucre at 8:38 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by sucre at 8:38 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
My trick for these things is to: 1) add it to my calendar--with a 15 minute reminder, and 2) pack a go-bag ahead of time. The calendar pings me, I stop what I'm doing, grab the bag and go. Works about 90% of the time.
posted by skye.dancer at 8:38 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by skye.dancer at 8:38 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
Promise yourself that all you have to do is ten minutes. You only need to get in and do ten minutes. Or even, all you have to do is get in the water.
This used to work for me when I felt reluctant. It was rare, once I was in, that I would do less than the full session.
posted by Erinaceus europaeus at 8:44 AM on April 7, 2022 [10 favorites]
This used to work for me when I felt reluctant. It was rare, once I was in, that I would do less than the full session.
posted by Erinaceus europaeus at 8:44 AM on April 7, 2022 [10 favorites]
+1 for an mp3 player. i swim with Delphin - music, podcasts, books, every day. It makes a huge difference. I find that when I'm not really into swimming that day for whatever reason, a change in my playlist is a fun incentive. (A search for "waterproof mp3 player) also brings up a bunch of other options. I do envy your in house lap pool!
posted by susandennis at 8:46 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by susandennis at 8:46 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
There was a recent similar Ask that might have some useful suggestions, albeit not specifically swimming-focused (not saying that you're lazy as per the question title, just a similar topic!)
posted by penguin pie at 8:53 AM on April 7, 2022
posted by penguin pie at 8:53 AM on April 7, 2022
Seconding (thirding?) the idea of reducing the friction, however you can. But you can also increase the friction involved in avoiding the pool. If the problem is noodling on your phone, set an annoying phone timer that yells POOL at you every 3 minutes. If the problem is Netflix and dinner, make a rule that you can't eat til you have swum.
Alternately, you could try something like making the swim a part of your bedtime routine. Swim, shower, pajamas, sleep. (This assumes you aren't too wired after exercise to sleep, I guess.)
Good luck! I've also done that thing where I am in all of my gym clothes, and shoes, and COAT, and HAT, and yet somehow just sitting at the table internetting, so I know it doesn't always work.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:00 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
Alternately, you could try something like making the swim a part of your bedtime routine. Swim, shower, pajamas, sleep. (This assumes you aren't too wired after exercise to sleep, I guess.)
Good luck! I've also done that thing where I am in all of my gym clothes, and shoes, and COAT, and HAT, and yet somehow just sitting at the table internetting, so I know it doesn't always work.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:00 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
Nobody has suggested sticker charts and bribes yet, but this definitely helps me! Exactly what motivates you will vary, but things like "if I swim X times I get new gear I've been eyeing" or "I got this nice lotion/conditioner/snack that I'll only use after I swim" or using a hot tub / sauna afterward.
Even having a calendar / app to track the behaviors I want to do can be a sufficient bribe for me sometimes. Think about how proud you are to be someone who commits to taking care of themselves by swimming regularly!
posted by momus_window at 9:06 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
Even having a calendar / app to track the behaviors I want to do can be a sufficient bribe for me sometimes. Think about how proud you are to be someone who commits to taking care of themselves by swimming regularly!
posted by momus_window at 9:06 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I second the podcast suggestion. I have a massive lifelong procrastination problem, which affects everything including hobbies that I genuinely enjoy, and I have recently found podcasts very helpful in making me actually do various things that don't occupy my ears or most of my brain power. I find that if I really can't get going I need to start listening to the podcast first; when that happens I usually can't help finding something to do with my hands, since otherwise it feels weird just sitting there and doing nothing except listening.
(I just have to make sure that the something isn't either a mindless computer game or something that actually requires a fair amount of attention, like reading -- which results in me paying attention to neither the podcast nor the thing I'm reading. But apart from that, it's a pretty good way to trick my brain into doing what I want it to do.)
posted by confluency at 9:24 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
(I just have to make sure that the something isn't either a mindless computer game or something that actually requires a fair amount of attention, like reading -- which results in me paying attention to neither the podcast nor the thing I'm reading. But apart from that, it's a pretty good way to trick my brain into doing what I want it to do.)
posted by confluency at 9:24 AM on April 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
If I have a thing I have to do after work, I cannot sit down at home, or I will not go do the thing. (Drop my bag, change clothes, etc. is okay, but I have fatigue stuff that makes this tricky.)
When I was swimming, what worked for me was:
- Do it first thing in the morning
- Be clear on the conditions I swam (Monday, Wednesday, Friday, unless driving weather was awful, I felt more than a certain amount unwell with my chronic stuff, or I called in sick to work.) Otherwise, swimming.
- Reduce the number of times I have to change and do fiddly stuff. (So I'd get up, put on my suit, put on clothing over it, pack my lunch for work, and go.) If I were doing it after work, I'd lay out the suit + equipment first, and maybe somewhere I wouldn't be tempted to sit/get sucked into things. I'd also plan to change into sleeping stuff when I got back, because extra clothing changes wear me out.
- And then yes, podcasts as motivation. I kept a few I really liked I only let myself listen to while swimming. And stickers or other visual markers for motivation work really well for me too.
posted by jenettsilver at 9:30 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
When I was swimming, what worked for me was:
- Do it first thing in the morning
- Be clear on the conditions I swam (Monday, Wednesday, Friday, unless driving weather was awful, I felt more than a certain amount unwell with my chronic stuff, or I called in sick to work.) Otherwise, swimming.
- Reduce the number of times I have to change and do fiddly stuff. (So I'd get up, put on my suit, put on clothing over it, pack my lunch for work, and go.) If I were doing it after work, I'd lay out the suit + equipment first, and maybe somewhere I wouldn't be tempted to sit/get sucked into things. I'd also plan to change into sleeping stuff when I got back, because extra clothing changes wear me out.
- And then yes, podcasts as motivation. I kept a few I really liked I only let myself listen to while swimming. And stickers or other visual markers for motivation work really well for me too.
posted by jenettsilver at 9:30 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
1) Make it part of your day. Hard to do with swimming, but I literally chose where I bought my house based on it being a good walk from where I volunteer.
2) Unhook your brain. I think this is why doing things first thing in the morning works for so many people. For me if I start pondering the activity I can tell you I won't do it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:57 AM on April 7, 2022
2) Unhook your brain. I think this is why doing things first thing in the morning works for so many people. For me if I start pondering the activity I can tell you I won't do it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:57 AM on April 7, 2022
Can you hook swimming to doing laundry or dishes, or safely cooking something? Put a load into the washer / dishwasher / slow cooker. Swim. Come back to clean clothes / clean kitchen / dinner.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:05 AM on April 7, 2022
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:05 AM on April 7, 2022
It's really hard and I struggle with this wrt running. The thing that helps is to consider myself a runner. Even as I'm slogging through week 1 of couch to 5K, I still consider myself a runner. I'm not "learning to run" or "trying to run"...I'm a runner. And what does a runner do? Clearly, they run.
I have no idea why this little mind game works for me, but you are clearly a swimmer and part of being a swimmer is going swimming.
posted by avocado_of_merriment at 10:09 AM on April 7, 2022 [7 favorites]
I have no idea why this little mind game works for me, but you are clearly a swimmer and part of being a swimmer is going swimming.
posted by avocado_of_merriment at 10:09 AM on April 7, 2022 [7 favorites]
Go without any expectation of how many laps you want to do. Tell yourself you're going tomorrow and will do 1 lap and see how it goes from there. If you do 3, great. 5? Even better. 10? Awesome. 11 and you just don't feel like doing more even though it's not a round number? That's ok, don't pressure yourself to do more. Float around in the pool and enjoy yourself.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 10:35 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 10:35 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
The trick for some people is not to wonder whether you want to do the thing, but to simply do the thing as a matter of course. Make it a part of your routine. Set a time and then just do it, because it's time.
I sort of do this, except instead I set the time for when I'll be done with the thing.
When I know I'll be in the hot shower at 7 after swimming comes first my brain seems to accept that!
posted by Sweetie Darling Sweetie Darling at 10:35 AM on April 7, 2022
I sort of do this, except instead I set the time for when I'll be done with the thing.
When I know I'll be in the hot shower at 7 after swimming comes first my brain seems to accept that!
posted by Sweetie Darling Sweetie Darling at 10:35 AM on April 7, 2022
I’ve had some luck with “Don’t think, just do.”
(Sometimes escalating to “DON’T! THINK!! JUST **DO**!!!!! DOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW! DO DO DO DO DO!” etc. if/when, um, hypothetically, the “don’t think” part turns into, y’know, overthinking. Rationalizing. Perfectionism-based procrastination. Self-doubt. Or any of those other kinda things that might hold up a well-intentioned person.) Heh.
So much other good (and similar!) advice already here, too. Hope you’ll give yourself some trial-and-error time while you get a feel for which one(s) go best with your particular wiring. But for what it’s worth, we’re all rooting for you. :)
posted by argonauta at 10:36 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
(Sometimes escalating to “DON’T! THINK!! JUST **DO**!!!!! DOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW! DO DO DO DO DO!” etc. if/when, um, hypothetically, the “don’t think” part turns into, y’know, overthinking. Rationalizing. Perfectionism-based procrastination. Self-doubt. Or any of those other kinda things that might hold up a well-intentioned person.) Heh.
So much other good (and similar!) advice already here, too. Hope you’ll give yourself some trial-and-error time while you get a feel for which one(s) go best with your particular wiring. But for what it’s worth, we’re all rooting for you. :)
posted by argonauta at 10:36 AM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you have music covered. In case you're looking for another option, I have the Finis bone conducting music player and it's great. I recently plunked down for the Form swim goggles and I love them. There are multiple workouts you can load on and it just tells you what to do in the water. It was a lot more motivating to feel like "oh, someone has put some thought into how this will benefit my body" vs. me just randomly swimming around. They've actually turned me in to someone who likes to work out, and I've never really identified as that person for my entire life.
posted by emkelley at 10:38 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by emkelley at 10:38 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
You want to hear something? Wordle gets me out of bed every morning. "Go on, you lazy ass! Make some hot chocolate and solve today's Wordle!" So I creak myself out of bed (I have mobility issues), stump down the hall and fix myself a hot cuppa, worry over Wordle and feel smart for the rest of the day! That little burst of joy at solving this little puzzle sustains me.
posted by SPrintF at 10:58 AM on April 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 10:58 AM on April 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
One thing that used to work for me when I was hitting the gym hard six days a week was to give myself permission (on the hard days when I really didn't feel it) to skip the workout if I wanted. All I had to do was get dressed and get to the gym and then if I still didn't feel it I could turn around and walk right back out. 1
I turned around and walked out only a handful of times in the several years I was regular gym attendee. Sometimes I would walk in the door and not even make it to the machines. Sometimes I would do like two minutes worth of warm up and decide nope! But normally the getting there was the hard part mentally, and once that was taken care of the rest was easy.
posted by newpotato at 10:58 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
I turned around and walked out only a handful of times in the several years I was regular gym attendee. Sometimes I would walk in the door and not even make it to the machines. Sometimes I would do like two minutes worth of warm up and decide nope! But normally the getting there was the hard part mentally, and once that was taken care of the rest was easy.
posted by newpotato at 10:58 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
Agree that your mom being with you was the golden ticket. I will happily do any kind of physical activity in the company of friends, even stupidly demanding stuff like an eighty-mile bike ride, but if I have to so much as go on a walk around the block by myself, it is just so painful. I totally relate to getting fully ready to go right down to your swimsuit and then just sitting on my phone for hours instead. Sticker charts, rewards, etc. do not help in the least. Let's be real, I need to eat and shower anyway so I am definitely still going to give myself the nice dinner or the luxurious bath oil whether I exercised or not.
I was recently talking to a friend about this, like how on earth do you motivate yourself around completing a goal if the goal is something you know you need to do but you're not actually happy about having to do? In this particular case, the example was going to bed on time. I want to be way more rested but I always feel very sad and morose at bedtime, going to bed is not a treat for me and neither is getting nicer sheets, and dutifully plugging my phone in outside the bedroom at 9 pm feels like punishment. She replied with something along the lines of, "Well...you could just decide that it's not actually a problem?"
I think as humans, we often want to feel like we're in a peak state of mind and energetically and fully motivated for just about everything we do before we can even start a task. I definitely have always felt like I have to maximize and perfect my inner state so it will be receptive to things like exercise, and being told I didn't actually have to "fix" this lack before starting said activity was bizarrely freeing. I don't know how or why that comment worked when literally no other mind trick ever has, but that phrasing changed everything, and has removed so many self-imposed blocks since then. I can just go for that walk and feel sad about being on said walk the whole time, instead of waiting for the rare occasion when I feel happy about going on a walk which could be months from now (if ever). And it's fine. I won't die from feeling sad for half an hour.
posted by anderjen at 11:14 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I was recently talking to a friend about this, like how on earth do you motivate yourself around completing a goal if the goal is something you know you need to do but you're not actually happy about having to do? In this particular case, the example was going to bed on time. I want to be way more rested but I always feel very sad and morose at bedtime, going to bed is not a treat for me and neither is getting nicer sheets, and dutifully plugging my phone in outside the bedroom at 9 pm feels like punishment. She replied with something along the lines of, "Well...you could just decide that it's not actually a problem?"
I think as humans, we often want to feel like we're in a peak state of mind and energetically and fully motivated for just about everything we do before we can even start a task. I definitely have always felt like I have to maximize and perfect my inner state so it will be receptive to things like exercise, and being told I didn't actually have to "fix" this lack before starting said activity was bizarrely freeing. I don't know how or why that comment worked when literally no other mind trick ever has, but that phrasing changed everything, and has removed so many self-imposed blocks since then. I can just go for that walk and feel sad about being on said walk the whole time, instead of waiting for the rare occasion when I feel happy about going on a walk which could be months from now (if ever). And it's fine. I won't die from feeling sad for half an hour.
posted by anderjen at 11:14 AM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I am not the best at forming good habits, but some of the ones I have were formed with silly mental tricks others here have described. Turn the thing from something you "need to" do, or "should" do, or even "want to" do, into something that you simply "do." There's no internal debate, nothing to think about, you're not practicing discipline (sounds dreadful!), you're simply doing this particular thing that you do. Who knows why? You just do it.
If you catch yourself self-distracting with Netflix or whatever: you're not doing something bad, you're not indulging, it's neither something to be ashamed about nor secretly relieved about, but... you are kind of violating the physics of the universe by not going swimming. Time for gravity to kick in and take you to the pool. How nice that you don't even need to think about it further, you're just going, and it feels so natural.
(Obviously all of this is a lie! But it's a lie you need to trick yourself into believing, and that might be easier than you think, if you try.)
posted by Ryon at 11:23 AM on April 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
If you catch yourself self-distracting with Netflix or whatever: you're not doing something bad, you're not indulging, it's neither something to be ashamed about nor secretly relieved about, but... you are kind of violating the physics of the universe by not going swimming. Time for gravity to kick in and take you to the pool. How nice that you don't even need to think about it further, you're just going, and it feels so natural.
(Obviously all of this is a lie! But it's a lie you need to trick yourself into believing, and that might be easier than you think, if you try.)
posted by Ryon at 11:23 AM on April 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
My tactic is to invest in small practical luxurious accessories.
When I was swimming regularly this was definitely something I did. Does your place have a locker room with the pool? Can you put the fanciest soaps and conditioners and hair care products down there instead of in your place? This way pool days are also pampering days. Or have some favorite foods that are only after-swim foods.
For me and walking which is my regular exercise the real motivator was podcasts that I only listened to when walking or when doing the dishes (my other hated task) and that worked pretty well because I wanted to catch up on podcast and I felt SO MUCH BETTER after being outside. Also for walking my agreement with me was "do some every day" even if it was literally a walk around the block if I felt feh, but I found that once I was determined to do it, and I was dressed and out the door, sometimes I'd go longer.
posted by jessamyn at 11:29 AM on April 7, 2022
When I was swimming regularly this was definitely something I did. Does your place have a locker room with the pool? Can you put the fanciest soaps and conditioners and hair care products down there instead of in your place? This way pool days are also pampering days. Or have some favorite foods that are only after-swim foods.
For me and walking which is my regular exercise the real motivator was podcasts that I only listened to when walking or when doing the dishes (my other hated task) and that worked pretty well because I wanted to catch up on podcast and I felt SO MUCH BETTER after being outside. Also for walking my agreement with me was "do some every day" even if it was literally a walk around the block if I felt feh, but I found that once I was determined to do it, and I was dressed and out the door, sometimes I'd go longer.
posted by jessamyn at 11:29 AM on April 7, 2022
Personally, I have a scrambled system of reward chemicals, and/or executive function. Typical, more "positive" motivators do jack all to get me out the door. The only way I'm overcoming inertia is if my brain orders me the hell out, either because there's an urgent external requirement to do so, or because I'm in a state of chemical craving. For me, "workout buddy (who doesn't actually live with me)" or even "I paid for this exercise class," etc, are just never going to be urgent motivators. So it has to be the second thing that gets me out there. In short, I have to kinda physically addict myself to exercise if I want it to continue.
I've found if I get in a steady habit of working out for a couple weeks, it then feels actively bad if I'm kept from my routine. Not so much because I love doing the activity, but because it's now a slight chemical addiction. After I inevitably fall off the wagon at some point, I just tell myself over and over for the first couple weeks, "You have to go today, you HAVE TO, or that readdiction clock will start over." Then the time passes, and I start wanting/needing to exercise again. And it all becomes much easier.
If this sounds like it could be you, maybe try to get over the hump for at least two weeks, and see if a switch flicks...?
posted by desert outpost at 1:10 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I've found if I get in a steady habit of working out for a couple weeks, it then feels actively bad if I'm kept from my routine. Not so much because I love doing the activity, but because it's now a slight chemical addiction. After I inevitably fall off the wagon at some point, I just tell myself over and over for the first couple weeks, "You have to go today, you HAVE TO, or that readdiction clock will start over." Then the time passes, and I start wanting/needing to exercise again. And it all becomes much easier.
If this sounds like it could be you, maybe try to get over the hump for at least two weeks, and see if a switch flicks...?
posted by desert outpost at 1:10 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I just did a very difficult-to-start swimming program. I was never very regular with it, but here's what nudged me from totally absent to just-enough-sessions-to-be-slightly-more-fit:
Imagining the wonderful feeling of weightlessness and water that swimming gives. Just focusing on that a little more than on the unpleasant/annoying parts.
Really, though, the fact that the pool here was over-popular and I had to schedule swim times a week in advance probably played a big role, so it's not like I'm saying I have the answer here.
posted by amtho at 1:38 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
Imagining the wonderful feeling of weightlessness and water that swimming gives. Just focusing on that a little more than on the unpleasant/annoying parts.
Really, though, the fact that the pool here was over-popular and I had to schedule swim times a week in advance probably played a big role, so it's not like I'm saying I have the answer here.
posted by amtho at 1:38 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I watched a YouTube video discussing the Atomic Habits book that had some good thoughts on this. It suggested starting with the tiniest step - put the swimsuit on, go downstairs. If you don't want to continue, that's fine. Keep doing that until putting it on and going downstairs becomes a habit. Then you can work in the next part of going in.
posted by lookoutbelow at 2:01 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by lookoutbelow at 2:01 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I've been experimenting with pairing tasks, especially where one has some kind of external deadline and the other is just something I "want" to do. So in your swim scenario, the sticking point for me would be leaving the apartment. Something as small as "I'll take the rubbish down to the bins, and I'll come back via the pool" might work. Or "I need to drop these nearly-overdue books back at the library, so I'll take my swim gear". Something like going to work would be too big, I think, I can definitely see myself deciding to skip the swim there. But if there are two things you're doing and the second one is stopping off for a swim just before you go back up to your apartment, that framing might work?
posted by happyfrog at 2:42 PM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by happyfrog at 2:42 PM on April 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
Get a music player that works underwater (tons of them available, check Amazon). Listen to podcasts while you swim. Save your best podcasts for the pool. That’s what I do. The time goes by so fast I don’t even notice it.
I find a certain kind of podcast works best — nonfiction, but scripted. With a clear beginning, middle, and end. No comedians or interviews.
posted by panama joe at 3:42 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I find a certain kind of podcast works best — nonfiction, but scripted. With a clear beginning, middle, and end. No comedians or interviews.
posted by panama joe at 3:42 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
I started walking for an hour daily around Christmas time. The cold doesn’t bother me, and I had committed to doing it no matter what. I wanted to get in shape and since I had spent two years drinking too much and doing almost no activity, this was going to help me get my life back. I kind of had no choice. What made it easy was thinking that AA meetings are 1 hour, so walking an hour is no big time commitment and it made me feel commuting the outdoors, and to my body. I’m still doing the walks almost every day. I’ve lost 13 pounds, slow and steady.
posted by waving at 4:47 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by waving at 4:47 PM on April 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
The things we want to have done, but don't want to do...
Sometimes, bribes work for me. Sometimes, rewards. (Do this X many days this month, and you can buy yourself one of THOSE.)
Sometimes, making a rule that I can't do one thing that I do normally until AFTER I've done the thing. (Think reading, or playing a computer game.)
One thing that, in general, I've noticed helps. If I set things up so it's ridiculously easy to do the thing, then I'm more likely to do it. As in - if my (adult daughter is usually the culprit, often from cooking dinner) kids leave the sink full of dishes or cooking utensils, I will not touch them. If I have a nice clean sink and a stack of dirty dishes next to it, they'll get washed while I'm making breakfast. Or, if my desk is a mess, it screws with my head, and I can't get any work done on the computer. If it's clean, it's easy to start.
If it's cold and/or dark, and I live in the not-great location I live now, I'm really unlikely to go walk unless my daughter makes me go with her. It was easy when I lived somewhere I felt safe 24/7, and it's always easier when I'm not too hot or cold. A gym membership doesn't work, exercise equipment that is already set up and ready to use, does. The pool being on-site would go a long way toward solving that for me. If you can identify any "hassles" that lower your ability to go, and work around them, it might help.
For you, since you regularly went with your mom... do you not want to go alone? Or perhaps is it the accountability from another person being involved? Perhaps for that, maybe find a neighbor to join you?
My problem at the moment, though, is that these tactics, among others, worked reasonably well once I identified that I was "not doing the thing that I didn't really have a good excuse not to do"... at least until after I got Covid the first time about 16 months ago. It seems to have triggered something (narcolepsy, excessive sleepiness disorder, we don't really know exactly yet, because reasons) that basically makes me sleepy/ fall asleep too easy/ etc, and it's incredibly easy to just lose an insane amount of time. The second bout of Covid, four months ago, has made it - and other leftover Covid symptoms - even worse.
Honestly? The podcast tactic would work on me, maybe even now. I'm so behind on mine since I'm not commuting, and I can't sit or lay to listen to them without falling asleep. If only I had a nice lap pool onsite... I'll trade you?
posted by stormyteal at 5:47 PM on April 7, 2022
Sometimes, bribes work for me. Sometimes, rewards. (Do this X many days this month, and you can buy yourself one of THOSE.)
Sometimes, making a rule that I can't do one thing that I do normally until AFTER I've done the thing. (Think reading, or playing a computer game.)
One thing that, in general, I've noticed helps. If I set things up so it's ridiculously easy to do the thing, then I'm more likely to do it. As in - if my (adult daughter is usually the culprit, often from cooking dinner) kids leave the sink full of dishes or cooking utensils, I will not touch them. If I have a nice clean sink and a stack of dirty dishes next to it, they'll get washed while I'm making breakfast. Or, if my desk is a mess, it screws with my head, and I can't get any work done on the computer. If it's clean, it's easy to start.
If it's cold and/or dark, and I live in the not-great location I live now, I'm really unlikely to go walk unless my daughter makes me go with her. It was easy when I lived somewhere I felt safe 24/7, and it's always easier when I'm not too hot or cold. A gym membership doesn't work, exercise equipment that is already set up and ready to use, does. The pool being on-site would go a long way toward solving that for me. If you can identify any "hassles" that lower your ability to go, and work around them, it might help.
For you, since you regularly went with your mom... do you not want to go alone? Or perhaps is it the accountability from another person being involved? Perhaps for that, maybe find a neighbor to join you?
My problem at the moment, though, is that these tactics, among others, worked reasonably well once I identified that I was "not doing the thing that I didn't really have a good excuse not to do"... at least until after I got Covid the first time about 16 months ago. It seems to have triggered something (narcolepsy, excessive sleepiness disorder, we don't really know exactly yet, because reasons) that basically makes me sleepy/ fall asleep too easy/ etc, and it's incredibly easy to just lose an insane amount of time. The second bout of Covid, four months ago, has made it - and other leftover Covid symptoms - even worse.
Honestly? The podcast tactic would work on me, maybe even now. I'm so behind on mine since I'm not commuting, and I can't sit or lay to listen to them without falling asleep. If only I had a nice lap pool onsite... I'll trade you?
posted by stormyteal at 5:47 PM on April 7, 2022
Plan another daily project that you want to accomplish, but won't feel like doing when it is time. Then swimming can be an appealing procrastination device.
For example, if I block out some time in the morning to work on the report from hell, it is unbelievable how much housework I will get done.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:12 PM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
For example, if I block out some time in the morning to work on the report from hell, it is unbelievable how much housework I will get done.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:12 PM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
Things that get me out the door walking:
Going different places for outdoor walks. Going at different times and enjoying what I experience.
Finding walking areas that are worth driving to... or are in the neighborhood.
Observing nature. Observing the other walkers (runners, bikers, skateboarders, etc.) and their animal and human companions. Waving at the regulars.
Walking with a purpose (tree and plant identification, clouds, animal tracks, birds and animals, architecture, etc.) How does this change through the seasons?
Taking photos (yay cell phone!)
Mixing it up -- walking out-and-back to the vehicle and then changing direction, exploring, adding some different speed and motion moves, etc.
Pretending that the "walk" is miles on a national trail -- after several sessions have I made it to Neel's Gap yet?
I have my "walking" stash near the door -- footwear and socks, jacket and rain jacket, sunhat, hiking pole, water bottle and holder. Cell phone and general handbag stuff. Putting gear into a hiking vest/fishing vest didn't help, but a small bookbag is good for shifting weight around and not losing things.
The biggest takeaway is that my routine is not a routine. The exercise is not the same slog that I did the day before. I don't "have" to do it -- I look forward to a new adventure.
My walks are less goal-oriented than experience-worthy.
The advice is to have fun in the water.
During lap swim time experiment with different strokes, use a lap board and work the legs, or use a mask and snorkel and enjoy the underwater view.
During free swim time pretend that you are Esther Williams. Do handstands in shallow water. Do water aerobics. Luxuriate in all the ways your body can more when freed from gravity. Or just relax and float for a while.
Get out of the water with a smile on your face.
posted by TrishaU at 6:51 PM on April 8, 2022
Going different places for outdoor walks. Going at different times and enjoying what I experience.
Finding walking areas that are worth driving to... or are in the neighborhood.
Observing nature. Observing the other walkers (runners, bikers, skateboarders, etc.) and their animal and human companions. Waving at the regulars.
Walking with a purpose (tree and plant identification, clouds, animal tracks, birds and animals, architecture, etc.) How does this change through the seasons?
Taking photos (yay cell phone!)
Mixing it up -- walking out-and-back to the vehicle and then changing direction, exploring, adding some different speed and motion moves, etc.
Pretending that the "walk" is miles on a national trail -- after several sessions have I made it to Neel's Gap yet?
I have my "walking" stash near the door -- footwear and socks, jacket and rain jacket, sunhat, hiking pole, water bottle and holder. Cell phone and general handbag stuff. Putting gear into a hiking vest/fishing vest didn't help, but a small bookbag is good for shifting weight around and not losing things.
The biggest takeaway is that my routine is not a routine. The exercise is not the same slog that I did the day before. I don't "have" to do it -- I look forward to a new adventure.
My walks are less goal-oriented than experience-worthy.
The advice is to have fun in the water.
During lap swim time experiment with different strokes, use a lap board and work the legs, or use a mask and snorkel and enjoy the underwater view.
During free swim time pretend that you are Esther Williams. Do handstands in shallow water. Do water aerobics. Luxuriate in all the ways your body can more when freed from gravity. Or just relax and float for a while.
Get out of the water with a smile on your face.
posted by TrishaU at 6:51 PM on April 8, 2022
Possibly of interest: How to hack your motivation, according to a decision scientist
posted by StrawberryPie at 6:37 AM on April 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by StrawberryPie at 6:37 AM on April 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
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posted by mekily at 7:34 AM on April 7, 2022 [5 favorites]