Oh, just do it already.

April 5, 2008 8:15 PM

Help me get there. ( sexual, possibly NSFW comments inside.)

In my twenties, I began having problems reaching a climax during sex. My average would be about 25 to 35 minutes, although often up to 45 minutes before achieving orgasm. Now, in my thirties, it's leaning toward an hour to an hour and a half average.

Anyone have similiar issues? Yeah, marathon sex is fun every once in a while. Every time, not so great.

posted by bradth27 to human relations (14 comments total)

Are you taking any medications?
posted by Gerard Sorme at 8:36 PM on April 5, 2008

Just curious, do you use a "death grip" while masturbating? A friend of mine had a similar problem if that is the case. If it is, then just barely grip it instead.

Also, if it's medicine related, ginkgo biloba is suppose to work, and that's coming from my friend's psychiatrist.
posted by champthom at 8:56 PM on April 5, 2008

Look for perfectionism related issues. I suggest Cognitive behavioral therapy.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:22 PM on April 5, 2008

why do you have to climax every time? if it's taking too long, just go till you or your partner gets tired, then stop. after a few days (or weeks?) sans orgasm you should probably pop off a fair bit faster.

also, second on the death grip thing, not from personal experience but through repeated warnings from various sex advice columnists. if that's the problem, perhaps this advice from sex columnist dan savage might help?
posted by messiahwannabe at 2:39 AM on April 6, 2008

No death grip or medication issues. I've never taken medication on a regular basis.

why do you have to climax every time? if it's taking too long, just go till you or your partner gets tired, then stop.

I've been married for 15 years, do you really think my wife would let me go that long every time? Okay, okay, seriously. That's usually what I do - end up not climaxing, and giving up.
posted by bradth27 at 5:18 AM on April 6, 2008

Probably time to spice things up in the bedroom.
posted by gjc at 6:12 AM on April 6, 2008

Try "warming up" first. Watch some porn, fantasize [whatever does it for you] for around 30 minutes or an hour before you want to start having sex. Or you could masturbate a bit before you start, to get you going a bit faster.
posted by shesaysgo at 8:20 AM on April 6, 2008

Have you tried any prostate stimulation?
posted by brookeb at 9:22 AM on April 6, 2008

As Gerard Sorme asked, are you on medications? My ex-husband developed anorgasmia soon after starting on Paxil, and then it surfaced again later in our marriage unrelated to meds. This article claims that 90% of anorgasmic issues in men are psychologically-related, although that seems awfully steep to me given the number of men I know who have suffered sexual side effects from psychoactive and other meds.

IANAD and certainly not your doctor or mental health specialist, but it's worth looking into.
posted by catlet at 9:55 AM on April 6, 2008

[d'oh, I see in your follow-up comment that you're not on meds. Sorry 'bout repeating the query.]
posted by catlet at 9:56 AM on April 6, 2008

If you eliminate the obvious culprits - deathgrip and medication - you're still left with the fact that it's either in your body or in your head. Which, really, should signal a visit to your friendly local GP, because from your own report this is a long term and worsening condition. It could be anything from a prostate issue to diabetes to stress, but rather than guessing, you need to work with a healthcare practitioner to eliminate physical causes and then move on to psychological ones.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:42 PM on April 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

How quickly can you reach orgasm when you masturbate? If it's similar, I agree that you should be investigating medical input on this. If you can come relatively quickly by yourself then you need to look into bedroom technique issues.
posted by nanojath at 1:32 PM on April 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

What are you thinking about for the hour prior? You just seem to be unfocused, I think.
posted by vanoakenfold at 9:41 AM on April 7, 2008

Are you using condoms? If so, changing your birth control method might help.
posted by marble at 7:17 PM on April 7, 2008