How can I get over my fear of hurting others?
March 18, 2008 12:54 PM Subscribe
In relationships, I'm very, very afraid of the possibility having to break up and hurting the other person. DTMFA threads like this
make me want to hide under my bed. I often don't get into relationships or pre-emptively end relationships quickly -- even if things are going great -- if I can imagine a time in the future when things won't work out. The fear makes it hard for me to know myself how I really feel.
So my question to you all: can you give me advice -- maybe links to psychological studies or just from your own life experiences-- on how someone can know if a relationship is worth pursuing. Not looking for guarantees of eternal happiness and marriage, just the knowledge that even if things don't work out, I'm pursing the relationship in good faith... and not being an asshole.
posted by specialfriend to human relations (27 answers total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 29, straight, male, and my longest relationship was 4 months... 3 of those months wondering if I should just "end it now". In my past 2 relationships, we never had sex because I knew I would feel like a terrible person if we did and then things didn't work out.
The only times I've been able to feel sure in my feelings for someone was when it was clear that they weren't that into me... because the danger of potentially hurting them was removed.
This is a fairly deep-seated fear, so if your advice is just "you can't worry about things like that", I'd appreciate your best effort to convince me.