Can our relationship survive living apart after living together?
March 17, 2008 2:12 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend of almost 3 years and I have been living together for a year and a half. About a year ago he decided he wanted to start making his own music, something he never had the chance to do earlier in his life. He's also a very successful grad student in a PHD program, so he thinks that before he graduates is the only time he will be able to devote enough time to making music while still being a good student. And now he's telling me that the only way he can really give this a shot is for us to not live together for a while so he can have some "space" to really discover himself and focus on his music whenever he's not in school. He says he wants to work on it so much that he would seem neglectful if we lived together.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (85 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
This is shocking for me because we have a really strong relationship and until about 2 weeks ago, when he started feeling like he needs "space", we were really happy and everything was fine. He doesn't want to break up, he just wants to take a step back from the relationship and just see eachother a few times a week or whenever he's not doing his music stuff. I told him that this was really disturbing to me and that I'm not sure if we are going to work out if he really wants to do this. To clarify, he wants to move into a loft-style situation with some of our mutual friends who are musicians so they can play music and just be creative whenever they want. I was originally supposed to be a part of this living situation (I'm a visual artist, not a musician but I like singing with the guys once in a while) and now he wants to exclude me from this plan.
He also thinks I don't respect his new passion for music and that I consider it a hobby, so this is another reason why he doesnt want me around while he's recording songs.
Am I overreacting by thinking that our relationship is doomed by this new and unexpected need of his to be "more on his own?" Or am I right to be hurt by such selfishness? I've never turned to askmefi before for relationship advice, so please be gentle!