Can love without infatuation still be "real love"?
October 24, 2008 2:25 PM Subscribe
I read this question
about how to tell the difference between love and infatuation. Most of the answers seem to say that love and infatuation feel the same in the beginning but love is what lasts in the long run. My question is, is it possible to fall in love with someone with out really experiencing true infatuation with them?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 37 users marked this as a favorite
I have a wonderful boyfriend. He has all of the things that I have ever wanted in a significant other. This is not to say that I think he's perfect, but so far none of his imperfections are in anyway close to dealbreakers. I find them endearing. I do think we are perfect for each other. We don't just enjoy each other, we are truly good for each other and challenge each other to be the best we can and grow.
We've been together several months, but less than a year. I feel as though I love him, and am in love with him. Especially when we are together. We have great physical chemistry. Possibly the best sex I've ever had. I can't get enough of his kisses and cuddles and hugs.
The problem (?) being, I have never really felt infatuated with him. I mean, I want to be with him as much as possible, and think about him all the time when we are not together, but I never really experienced the "blissful infatuation high" where you go kind of crazy and you are stupidly excited all the time and your head gets all light and airy and you are obsessed.
What I do feel is quite happy when we are together, I feel a warmth in my heart when I think of him, I miss him when I can't be with him, I get excited to see him if we've gone too long apart. I am comfortable being myself around him all the time, and I love kissing him and touching him.
There is nothing about this man or our relationship that makes me doubt that we should be together, for not just now, but for a long while, except this nagging that because I never fell "head over heals" in infatuation that my love might not be "the real thing". As a result I am terrified that it won't work out, or that I'll never love him "enough". My love for him is most intense in the times when I can really keep these fears at bay. I'm concerned it may be a endless cycle of I'm scared I don't love him enough, but because I'm scared, the fear itself keeps me from being able to love him enough.
I am a very talented over thinker, and I think that is a huge part of this problem.
Is it possible to be in love without having been ga-ga infatuated?
If so, how do I stop over thinking this and just enjoy the ride?
Also, we are in our late 20s... does maturity & past relationships play into the amount of infatuation you are able to feel as you get older? Maybe total infatuation is more of an immature feeling?