Some knuckle-dragging, hot-dog eating dufus at work thinks it's okay to yell at me.
My position is, nobody yells at me. His defenders claim, oh, that's just the way Caveman B. Neanderthal is. Just cut him some slack. He doesn't mean it. He gets mad, but he gets over it quick. After a few months you won't even notice it. Subtext: "He's more important/has more seniority/has a better job/puts in more face time/has more of a history with us/makes a bigger contribution than you, so suck it up. It's more important that he be happy than that you be happy." This attitude is making me unhappy.
I'm a new person at work, and I'm the first new person (and woman) this particular office has had in a few years (except for the accounting department, which is almost all female). The official cant around my hire was, "Wow, we're so happy to have a woman on staff. We've really been needing someone like you." Most of these people have been nice so far, and a few have bent over backwards to train me, reassure me, help me navigate the unspoken network of job-related bullshit, etc. For the most part, I've been treated well.
The only real problem is my inability to work with a co-worker, Caveman. He has this thing where he shouts constantly, and I realize that his shouting is normal for him--that is, the fact that he's shouting doesn't necessarily indicate that he's horribly upset, although it sounds like it to the uninitiated ear. He'll start screaming about something--losing his hotdog or whatever--but it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to commit hara kiri or kill someone else over it. Over the three months I've worked there I've learned how to interpret this, and am not unduly alarmed when said shouting commences.
However, I know very well when Caveman is mad, and he's mad at me a lot. Why? Because I'm the new person. I make one or two mistakes a week, on average, because there are about a billion fucking little procedures in this place that I've either 1) never been told about, or 2) was told about on my first day, and have forgotten completely by the time I was expected to implement them. I'm writing down the important things, and I know damn well I'm the only employee doing my particular job (there are five others who do the exact same thing) who has to use notes. But I do, because I need them. And STILL I get things wrong and forget stuff. And most people have been fine. I get a little correction, either in person or in email, and it's over.
Caveman, however, will come in and start yelling at me if I forget something. And he'll do it in such at way that I start to question my own intelligence. He's the tard, but he treats me like a tard. I honestly don't get it. I only need to be told once about most things. Twice, max. I don't need to be treated like that guy in the insane asylum in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I'm not a handful. I don't need discipline. I'm normal. I don't need instructions and corrections screamed at me. I GET it for God's sake.
Others have said, "Oh, he doesn't mean it," and provided a million different excuses. But I don't care. People don't yell at me. So last time he did it, I was so tired I couldn't think of a rebuttal. I've been trying out two different tacks in my mind for next time.
One: I could try to be charming--use honey rather than vinegar, as in: "Caveman, doll, don't speak to me at a sforzando level. It hurts my shell-pink ears. Speak to me in pianissimo, dahling." (It's a music-related business we're in). I figure enough of that sort of thing might do the trick, but I would have to use the broken record technique and do it again and again and again.
Two: I could really blow up at him, sort of copy his own style and fight fire with fire: "Look, you fat fuck, nobody yells at me. If you keep doing it, I'm WILL shit on a plate and serve it to you!"
Which method would be the best, do you think? The only other piece of info I want to offer (this is way too long already), is that I'm a neat, well-groomed, cheerful, punctual, reliable, smart, organized, every-manager's wet dream of an employee who occasionally screws up--now, moreso than usual because I'm trying to learn every little piece of this godforsaken new job. I'm not a dunce. But these people either tell me something once, or forget to tell me a really important piece, and then jump on me when I fuck up.
And now I'm ready to quit, I'm so mad. But I need this job for a variety of reasons.
Is this something I should involve the manager in? Do you think it sounds sexist? I don't hear Caveman yelling at others like he yells at me. It's like it's okay because 1) I'm a woman, 2) I'm new, 3) I need correction, 4) I'm stupid, 5) He doesn't like the brand of jeans I wear. I mean I just can't imagine why else it would be okay to treat me like this, when he treats others deferentially. And I've been wonderful to him.
Any ideas are welcome.
posted by frosty_hut to human relations (61 comments total)
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And I'm not clear on what the hot dogs have to do with the yelling.
posted by Sheppagus at 2:30 PM on June 25, 2007