Tips for woman on top position?

October 22, 2006 9:26 PM

Tips for woman on top position?

Besides being shy about "being on top," I don't really know the logistics of how to do it. Any tips? How do you support yourself? Do you move up and down or do you rock back and forth? Are you sitting completely upright? Any tips would be much appreciated.

~shy girl

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (21 answers total)

Do whatever feels comfortable. Back and forth, up and down, grind your hips in a circle, or lie down stomach to stomach and slide back and forth. Face him, give him your back, ride side-saddle. Whatever. Whatever feels good for you--and experiment till you find out.

For support, same thing: whatever. Lean forward so you're on knees and hands or lean back so your hands are behind or hold his hands, fingers interlaced with your feet flat on the "ground".

There's no wrong. Really.
posted by dobbs at 9:44 PM on October 22, 2006

stop thinking about it and just try it. grin and smile and go about it with an "hey, let's see what the fuss is all about" attitude. perhaps you will like it, perhaps you won't. the key is not to make a huge issue out of it. it's sex, there is no right or wrong, just good or "hey, let's try something else" ...

and have a glass of wine before.
posted by krautland at 9:45 PM on October 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

If a woman just gets on and sort of rocks and grinds I really do not feel much, if the action is more in and out I can feel it pretty good. On your knees or squating on your feet is all good. I do like to hold the womans feet in my hands and thrust by arching my back waaaay up in the air, this makes her balance seem a little precarious and makes for a wild ride. Also if the lady leans way back and I lean forward so we are close to level seems fun. Mostly do what feels good for you and the man should still be gratefull.
posted by Iron Rat at 9:57 PM on October 22, 2006

I second the above. Also, sometimes she sits sideways and wraps her arms around my raised knee, so she has something more to move herself with.
posted by wzcx at 10:17 PM on October 22, 2006

Do whatever feels comfortable. Back and forth, up and down, grind your hips in a circle, or lie down stomach to stomach and slide back and forth. Face him, give him your back, ride side-saddle. Whatever. Whatever feels good for you--and experiment till you find out.

I second this, make sure that "whatever feels good for you" means both of you. I also second krautland, don't over think this. Try it fast, try it slow, try it up, try it down, in, out, side, side, circle to the left, circle to the right... eventually you'll find out something that really works.

There is also plenty of research material available on line.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:19 PM on October 22, 2006

Support can be done by the man, woman , or both. You can let your thighs do all the work, or just ... sit on him with your feet near his head, etc.

Oftentimes the motion that pleases the woman most doesn't do much for the man in question, and vice versa. If you aren't the kind of gal who doesn't like her cevix bumped, be careful. Guys usually (not always) like more of an up and down thrusting motion. Don't be afraid to touch yourself when you're on top - guys like that. Oh, yeah, and you can reach back and handle the family jewels for fun.

There's quite a few variables - comparative height being one of the biggest factors, but others like flexibility, proneness to leg cramps, boldness, and breast size, that can affect what you can get away with.

Try some reverse cowgirl, too.
posted by adipocere at 10:29 PM on October 22, 2006

As a woman, my experience indicates that different sized penises require different motions. It might be wiser to go the rocking/grinding for a shorter penis because of the possibility of losing your grip, so to speak, because if the penis falls out of the vagina and you thrust back hard on it, it can cause your partner a deal of pain.

For a longer penis, you need to be sliding along the length and this can be accomplished by sitting up and down while moving backward and forward gently (and I can sure imagine the motion in my mind, but damned if I can describe it well).

Intermediate level
It can be fun to mimic a male thrusting onto a female, have him place himself at the edge of the bed, join, and then while your feet are on the floor and your palms near his shoulders, and his legs are apart and up (like a woman's during missionary) have at it.

My study (long ago) of porno flicks seemed to indicate that men enjoy women playing with their breasts/nipples and/or clitoris while on top, or failing that, men playing with their (the woman's) breasts. It's a little awkward (but fun trying) to get the breast into the man's mouth and keep it there with all the jiggling going on, unless of course, you have really large breasts, or he's a bit short.

Mostly, enjoy yourself and him, and let him enjoy you. No "OMG stretch marks, puppy fat, gravity, oh noes". Just lots of friction, lubrication, and affection.

(Please post after the event to let us know how you went).
posted by b33j at 10:46 PM on October 22, 2006

Please remember that the penis is not made of rubber, or iron and it is attatched to us, when a big strong woman is on top and it is all the way in and she makes too vigorous of a side to side movement it makes me feel like it is gonna come off. I think for many men the visual part of the woman on top is intense.
posted by Iron Rat at 10:48 PM on October 22, 2006

Yeah, one issue particularly with the reverse cowgirl is bending the penis back.

The penis is not just the bit you can see - the shaft continues down ibetween the legs nto the groin. So it does not want to bend too much past, say, 90 degrees to the torso. I would recommend slow over enthusiastic until the pair of you are a bit more practised.

Apart from that, yeah, be on top. Grab his wrists and take charge. :)
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:11 AM on October 23, 2006

There's no wrong. Really.

Please, not the grind / rotate. I do not want you trying to detach my penis from my loins. For me at least, this is painful and leads to a very quick loss of, erm, well you get the idea.

Up and down, girl, up and down. In and out. The way God intended.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:11 AM on October 23, 2006

There's no wrong. Really.

This is not true. Incredibly not true. It's not all that hard to cause pain. Also, when the girl is on top and just sort of grinding her clit against me, without any movement of the penis inside of her, I don't really feel too much. But I don't mind because generally it means good times for her. Primarily, unless she is particularly loose inside, it doesn't feel THAT great for me unless there is some sort of in/out action happening. Focusing on that, and not bending the little guy in a direction that it's not supposed to go, is the best route to take IMO.
posted by antifuse at 4:39 AM on October 23, 2006

One of the limitations with "woman on top" positions that rarely gets a mention is that it can be difficult if the woman is short - most particularly, if the length of her thighs is insufficient to permit stable straddling+thrusting. If anyone knows a way around this, please pipe up.

Shy girl, if you want to learn how to climb on top without the added self-consciousness of feeling watched, why not put a blindfold on your boy which you're still practicing? It might make you feel more comfortable while you do whatever ungainly experimentation you need to, and it's added frisson for him.
posted by hot soup girl at 6:29 AM on October 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think the biggest thing you cn see here is the need for communication. Different strokes for different folks, and so on. If you or your partner feel uncomfortable, it's much better to say something so adjustments could be made.

Also, sometimes I found mounting from on top to be tricky or at the least, ungraceful. I might recommend starting in missionary, then rolling over together so you are on top, still connected.
posted by piratebowling at 6:35 AM on October 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

I find up and down is better for him, but back and forth makes me come quicker.

Just put your hands on his shoulders and ride.
posted by juliarothbort at 7:05 AM on October 23, 2006

What is this back & forth of which you speak? That's what his (or your) fingers are for: to make sure your clit gets some action while you're bouncing & perhaps sitting upright. To start with, face him with your knees on the bed either side of his chest and (after insertion) your ankles under his legs. Once my gf gets the bounce going with some finger action at the same time, she's unstoppable.

I never could get the roll-from-missionary sorted reliably; maybe I'm just short downstairs or clumsy. One of you can reach around behind your legs and set it all up.

The only thing you can do wrong: bend him. Don't drop down if it comes out (it shouldn't unless you're leaping frog-like into the air) and if you like to sit up while bouncing, don't ever fall over backwards when you come. fuckin' OW.

Something to be mindful of: pressure on a guy's prostate will make him come whether he likes it or not and that can include by placing pressure and/or bouncing on the lower front abdomen, just above the pubic bone. You might want to adjust your angle accordingly if he goes cross-eyed and you're not nearly there yet. Empty bladder for him is the best preventative measure there and will give you more time to figure out how to get what you want ;)
posted by Ultimate Sockpuppet the Second at 7:49 AM on October 23, 2006

I can't believe people are taking my "There's no wrong, really" to mean that everything feels good. I never said that.

If it's not a given, and I assumed it was, be open with your partner and hopefully he'll be open with you. If something hurts, you should be communicating that.

Remember: cocks and cunts are unique snowflakes. Nothing is universally good or bad but everything is worth trying.
posted by dobbs at 8:03 AM on October 23, 2006 [1 favorite]

I second the advice mentioned amny times above: just give it a try and see what you think.

That being said, depending on you and your partner's physique, do take it slow at first because you don't want to cause pain to your cervix from him being too deep and you don't want to cause pain to his penis by you leaning too far back.

Unless it feels good to do either, of course.
posted by NationalKato at 8:39 AM on October 23, 2006

Reverse cowgirl is overrated, imo, and I love being on top. Straddling my hubby on the couch is my favorite thing in the world. Basically he sits on the couch and I put my knees on either side of him and bounce on his thighs. Sometimes it's not easy to get my feet so comfortable. I alternate between having my feet sticking off the couch behind me and letting them go to the side.

So, what I like about it:

1. Clitoral stimulation - When the hubby is sitting up like that, it's really easy to push up against him and get rubbed there.

2. Controlling the penetration - I can control where his cock goes when it's inside of me. I don't think it's my "g-spot" where I like to aim him, since it's a bit further up and opposite from where that is supposed to be. I find it's really easy to orgasm if I can just find the place that feels good for that session.

Like everyone else has said, have fun and just find what feels good to you. I was sexually active for a few years before discovering that this was my favorite position.
posted by frecklefaerie at 9:31 AM on October 23, 2006

hot soup girl: I'm 6'2" and dated someone that was 4'6" and we never had any problems in that department.

I second the "you can't really do it wrong" notion, but yeah, be careful in the event yer male slips out.
posted by drstein at 6:14 PM on October 23, 2006

One note if you're using condoms. Be careful you don't pull the condom off. They seem to slip off a lot easier from that position (more "grip", it seems), and that's not fun at all.
posted by nekton at 12:53 PM on October 24, 2006

Yep, dobbs has it: there's no "right" or "wrong" way, there's just what feels good or bad - for both of you.

I'd second the comments about bouncing up and down being tricky to get right. Nothing kills the moment quicker than a penis that's bent the wrong way. So if he likes the bounce, and you like it too, just make sure you keep enough of him inside to prevent this. And don't lean back too far. But then, having said all that, he might like some vigorous up and down, so there really is no right or wrong. As with all sex, the key is open experimentation.

One other option is for you to be on top, maybe leaning over him, with your ass raised up off him just enough for him to thrust underneath you.

Getting into position is sometimes a little awkward. I enjoy rolling over from missionary. If you can't or don't want to do that, my tip would be kneel astride him leaning forward onto your hands/elbows, reach round/under, and wriggle down slowly, guiding him in. Sitting upright and moving directly down onto him might be awkward, plus there's the nasty dick-bending option too, especially if he's not totally hard. Just take it slow.

The blindfold comment is a great idea; while you're at it, maybe some handcuffs too, rawr. If not, and if you're really shy about the visual element, then just try it with the lights off or maybe by candlelight. Plus you can always just lean towards him and start kissing. Or how about you wear the blindfold?

Oh and try it all with him sitting up as well as lying down. On a chair, propped up against the headboard, on the couch, you facing, you turning away... hell just try it all.

And personally, just to balance the scoresheet, I love deep rocking and grinding :-)
posted by ajp at 5:08 AM on October 25, 2006