How to prevent self sabotage?
February 20, 2012 5:11 PM Subscribe
Asking for a friend: How can a person get over a crippling anxiety of getting dumped?
posted by stedman15 to human relations (11 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
This pal of mine is a late 30s male. He doesn't have a lot of dating experience. Whenever he is in a relationship, he will overanalyze things to the point of ridiculousness (e.g. "She didn't text me back for 15 minutes. What do you think that means?") All of this leads to him trying to present an image of himself that he thinks the woman will find attractive. This inevitably spells doom, because he feels he is unable to maintain the facade and gets more and more neurotic as time goes on.
He's now been in a relationship with a woman for the past 8 months. They've exchanged "I love you's". He says that she told him that she feels like he's been holding back info about himself (e.g. this pal didn't tell his girlfriend that he hangs out with an ex of his from time to time until last week.) I think that this girl is the one for him, but he and I had a 30 minute text conversation today where he was freaking out that he hasn't told her everything about himself that a significant other should know after 8 months of dating. He thinks everything that's happening around him is an omen of doom for his relationship.
Is there anything he can do to help manage the anxiety and neuroses and just be himself? I've already suggested meds and therapy, but he won't go for either.