It crawled out of where now?

September 21, 2006 9:25 PM

Why is my anus suddenly itching relentlessly?

Yes, I shall get this checked by a doctor if it continues beyond tonight. But it's late, and I can't sleep.

Obviously this will contain some delightful anatomical details, you have been warned.

My butt itches! It's just inside the anus, but disturbingly it feels like something small and very wriggly is trying to get out. Nothing actually is, as far as I can tell, so I sincerely doubt it's worms (although I suppose it could be). The itching is sporadic, like a 20 second burst every 3 or 4 minutes.

Pertinent background: about 6 hours ago I ate a Dominoes pizza covered with jalapenos, something I do about once a month. Maybe a couple hours prior to that, in a quiet moment of contemplation, the girlfriend playfully popped a finger "up there" for a few seconds. Nothing vigorous, no pain, and Durex "Tingle" lube was involved. Neither of these things are new experiences, but I mention them for completeness (or should that be "bonus giggles").

All insight welcome, especially if it leads to cessation of the very, very irritating itching in my ass.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (27 comments total)

Hemerrhoid, dude.
posted by tristeza at 9:42 PM on September 21, 2006

Lube can make the bum itchy. Eat a bran muffin tout de suite and clean house.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:49 PM on September 21, 2006

You may have pinworms. It's really easy [though gross] to check if you have pinworms, you can go to the doc and get a sticky little butt spatula thing that you make an anusprint on. You bring it back to the doc and they can tell if there are eggs there. Then they give you some foul tasting medicine and you're all set. Having hemorrhoids would mean that your butt itched when it wasn't super clean and/or when an open sore was healing. If it feels like wriggling, it may be worms. If you don't get them treated you may get annoying stomach cramping and, well, you'll have worms. Go to the doc, get an anusprint, get cured.
posted by jessamyn at 9:50 PM on September 21, 2006

I can't quite see whether you are still in college but how well do you know said girl and is it feasible she might have played a prank on you? there are ways to make someone rather uncomfortable the next day ... figging would be an option, so would be tabasco sauce.

stop looking at me like that. I'm a german. I am supposed to know about this kind of stuff.
posted by krautland at 9:51 PM on September 21, 2006

Doubtful that you'd get a worms that quick, but one quick test is to expose them to light. They are nocturnal. The treatment for worms is usually 1 pill and works quickly.

I let you figure out how to do that.
Ring worm/yeast infection, hemorrhoids. I'd check out one of the online medical sites and try one of their diagnostic sections.
posted by jeblis at 9:51 PM on September 21, 2006

Anal Fissures, perhaps?
posted by nitsuj at 10:06 PM on September 21, 2006

Before you go to the doctor make sure your anus is clean, on more than one occausion my mother bought the cheap toilet paper and as i wiped it would tear and some paper would get stuck on my anus and it seems have the same symptoms as you. Good luck i know how irrating a anus can be.
posted by isopropyl at 10:21 PM on September 21, 2006

Yeah, that figging link is definitely NSFW.
posted by allen.spaulding at 10:23 PM on September 21, 2006

You may have pinworms.

Uh, I guess yes, that's technically possible, but so are any number of other things; the girlfriend coincidence makes pinworms seem pretty unlikely if it's never happened before. I'd go with anal irritation, foreign body, hemorrhoid, anal fissure.

Take a shower, clean well.
posted by gramcracker at 10:47 PM on September 21, 2006

As someone who has a background in parasitology, I want to comment that pinworms can be very, very easy to get... hand-to-mouth contact from the wrong surface in a public setting is all it takes. They're a lot more common than most people think, especially among young kids, since infections tend to be asymptomatic. The sensations described are pretty typical. If you can get your girlfriend to check out the rings of Uranus with a flashlight when it happens, that would make for a quick and easy diagnosis. If nothing is seen, or it goes away by the next evening, you're probably ok.

The jalapenos are the other suspect, IMHO.
posted by chef_boyardee at 10:56 PM on September 21, 2006

Honestly dude, sounds like pinworms. I think it's funny that you specifically said "I can't sleep" which (along with an itchy ass of course) is the classic warning sign of pinworms.
posted by peppermint22 at 11:05 PM on September 21, 2006

I came in to say nearly what bink said:

Ask Metafilter: A sticky little butt spatula thing that you make an anusprint on.

I'm going to be a little obvious here, but frankly, I've been there before: did you wipe with toilet paper? Sometimes little fibrous materials from the TP get caught up in there, and it can itch like the bejeezus for a long time. It persists until I get something more appropriate (usually a baby wipe or washcloth) to jam up there and clean up the works real nice.

Do consider the doctor and the pinworm possibility if that doesn't solve it, though. I just recommend a thorough scrubbing, with a cloth or baby wipe, in the shower if possible, to get you through the night.

My response now guarantees my fiancée will end up reading this thread.
posted by symphonik at 1:02 AM on September 22, 2006

Don't scratch it- you can, and will, get a rash down there, and man if you think it itches NOW....
posted by bobot at 5:11 AM on September 22, 2006

My doc told me to that many cheap coffee brands have some ingredient ( I don't know which) that causes itch...I switched to only premium coffee, and it went away.
posted by lobstah at 5:26 AM on September 22, 2006

Once I used Tiger Balm on my (for whatever reason) very itchy ass. It hurt like hell for maybe 2 minutes, then there was sweet sweet relief.
posted by frecklefaerie at 6:28 AM on September 22, 2006

That really sounds like pinworms.
posted by raedyn at 7:23 AM on September 22, 2006

WebMD will tell you that you have anal cancer. That is why I never check WebMD--everything is a symptom of cancer.

Things other than pinworms: (1) dermatitis, if you are turning the corner on 30 or so, your hormones are changing which can result in seborrheic dermatitis, which can cause splotching on your face and rashes under the arms in--yes--in your bottomhole; (2) strep, yep strep can show up in strange places.

Do not, under any circumstances, used medicated or mentholated powders ...
posted by GarageWine at 8:00 AM on September 22, 2006

My question is: why do I now have an itchy anus?

An anti-inflamitory cream may give short term relief.
posted by asok at 9:16 AM on September 22, 2006

strep can cause this too, believe it or not. If the ass is reddened around the anus, the doc may do a swab to check.
posted by docpops at 10:05 AM on September 22, 2006

Sounds classically like hemerhoids. That little wiggly 'worm' is most likely an engorged vein.

I'd recommend witch hazel (Tucks are just pads soaked with the stuff) as a good first bet. A couple nights with that should probably take care of it.

In general with hemerhoids, it's important to drink tons of water and eat lots of veggies and fruit. Constipation worsens hemerhoids because straining on the toilet causes the pressure on the veins that makes the veins get all poofy out like that.

BTW, anal penetration doesn't worsen the problem. Perhaps it improve them in fact by increasing circulation in that region - although that's a stretch. Just ask your friend to be gentle and ya, the lube is a Good Thing.
posted by serazin at 11:02 AM on September 22, 2006

Did you try the simple fix of taking a shower and scrubbing the area completely?
posted by drstein at 12:38 PM on September 22, 2006

Probably hemorrhoids. Try Preparation H before you go to sleep. It's worked for me.
posted by blucevalo at 12:47 PM on September 22, 2006

yea i get it from overdoses of coffee too
posted by londongeezer at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2006

You know, the Durex website says this for your product of choice there, sugar:

Play Tingle is not suitable for internal anal use
posted by pieoverdone at 7:35 PM on September 22, 2006

I'm not being facetious when I say this --- passing a big, nutty bowel movement will probably put an end to the itching in your tight-hole.

The fact that you're focusing on the wriggling is probably making the wriggling persist.
posted by jayder at 7:49 PM on September 22, 2006

This might be a good time for a nice, long, hot bath. Then, proceed with your choice of advice above. Can't hurt, good chance it'll mitigate or stop the itch.
posted by QIbHom at 8:10 PM on September 22, 2006

You can now buy anti-pinworm meds OTC (pyrantel, as Pin-X or Reese's Pinworm Medication).
posted by oats at 6:03 PM on September 23, 2006