Dating someone going through a divorce
September 6, 2006 3:13 AM Subscribe
Young-divorcée-dating-filter. How do you do it without getting hurt? She (24) likes me (32) Her 4-year-old daughter likes me. Her mother and sister like me. But she's not quite single—only separated and dealing with someone who's not a good husband but is apparently a decent father. This one's kind of long. So, naturally, there's
posted by anonymous to human relations (23 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
A mutual friend introduced the two of us to each other earlier this summer, and we hit it off well. No immediate romantic sparks, but we got along and—something that was especially important to her—I wasn't uncomfortable with her young daughter, and her daughter practically adored me from the start.
There were some lunches and dinners out, sometimes with her daughter, sometimes not. Lots of evenings out for drinks, too—sometimes with friends, sometimes just the two of us. Two weekends ago, I took her home to her place after a night out, and we ended up fooling around for a while and having sex. That definitely got the ball rolling in a certain direction. Then there were evenings over at her mother's place (where she'd been staying ever since she made the decision to leave her husband and relocate here) evenings over at mine, breakfasts out with her daughter and mother. (The mother took an instant liking to me, too.) More sex... good sex. That first time with her ended an eight-year dry spell for me. I had almost forgotten I could do that.
This past weekend, she officially moved out of her husband's house, in another state. I didn't travel in the rental van with her because I thought it would be best to stay away from what I knew would be an emotional time for her and her husband (who doesn't know about me, but will when he sees this month's cell phone bill.) But once she got back here, I spent all Saturday, Sunday and Monday (Labor Day) helping her move in to her new apartment. Her daughter's car seat was in the back of my car for much of the weekend. It meant so much to me to see that she trusted me that much.
She told me she has no regrets about us becoming involved the way we did, but I sensed something wasn't right when she was pretty emotionally distant from me this weekend, and she confirmed that and told me she felt guilty and confused and said she didn't want to rush things.
The problem is, we rushed from the beginning. We hit the ground running, I got used to that pace pretty quickly, and then things sort of came to a grinding halt and I'm pretty frustrated by the abrupt change. I really like this young woman, and I think she knows that, but I don't want to just be the guy she calls when she needs to move some furniture, and I don't just want to be a fuck buddy. She introduced me to her family, who likes me, and she trusts me taking care of her daughter, who also likes me. I know that those two things wouldn't have happened if she didn't see something good in me, and I should just keep that in mind instead of fixating on the fact that we haven't kissed, had sex or even just slept together since she arrived back here with the full rental truck. All she has asked me to do now is be there for her and be patient, which I'm willing to do, but I'm wondering if this is too challenging a situation for someone who's been single as long as I have and is now anxious to do everything I can to make this work. I don't want to get taken advantage of.