Dating someone separated.
August 7, 2013 5:33 PM Subscribe
I found out that my boyfriend is technically not divorced. This (as you might imagine) has been a major source of stress for me - what it comes down to is that he and his ex are staying married for insurance reasons, but will file by the new year.
posted by anonymous to human relations (70 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
We have talked extensively about this, and he feels like a jerk for having waited this long to bring it up (a few months of intense dating).
The good? He and his ex are both doing the following:
All finances/living arrangements/everything separated.
Are legally separated.
Have changed names back.
Refer to themselves as divorced.
All friends think their divorce is final.
Are happily dating new people.
So it is one of those situations where all that's left is the signature. However, I still find myself bothered by the (what I sincerely believe to be accidental) deceptiveness. For me, this is need to know information. From his point of view, he thinks of himself as divorced in every way except the filing, though he understands if it's a deal-breaker, etc.
Can this possibly end well?
How can I protect myself?
What should I be prepared for?
How do I forgive him for keeping this from me?
What questions should I be asking him?
At this point, breaking up is not on the table. Thank you for your help!