Best Man Speech Help

July 14, 2006 10:32 AM

I am the best man at an upcoming wedding. i have the speech almost completely written and i am happy with it. the one problem i have is how do i start it? i really want to thank the bride/groom parents and people for attending but every attempt at writing that down comes out as incredibly awkward. please, any advice is much appreciated.

oh, and when do i stand up and deliver this speech? will i be told by someone or at some lull during the dinner service do i just go for it?

posted by dieguido to human relations (19 comments total)

easy. you start with a joke, then do your thanks, then your toast.

in the weddings i've been to, it kinda happens early in the reception. often before any music is played.
posted by lester at 10:55 AM on July 14, 2006

Why not give the old, "Your presence here today, all of you, from family to friends, brings joy to the hearts of the bride and groom. For that, I think, we can truly all be thankful."

As for the timing, I don't know.
posted by jon_kill at 10:55 AM on July 14, 2006

Best men don't give a speech, they give a toast.

There is no need for you to thank the bride and grooms parents or any of the guests for attending -- it is not your wedding. Rather, the bride or groom should extend thanks if they wish.

Typically, the best man's toast is given right before dinner. I don't know if that is just custom or what. You will probably be given a mike at the appropriate time. Often, the parents of the bride and groom (usually the father) will offer a toast preceding the best man's, so you'll know when to go.

The most important advice is to keep it short. The reception is about celebrating the bride and groom, not hearing the best man drone on about the time he and the groom went camping in high school, etc...
posted by GregW at 10:56 AM on July 14, 2006

At the wedding receptions I've been to, the bride and groom typically have an emcee. At some point the emcee will tell everybody it's time for the best man's speech. Then you're up!

If you have trouble with your speech, I suppose you can always go to http://www.theperfecttoast.com/
posted by rsol44 at 10:58 AM on July 14, 2006

Watch Four Weddings and Funeral for Hugh Grant's toast at the beginning of the movie (but ignore the part where he gets all googly for Andie Macdowell). You're shooting for a light-hearted, easy, somewhat self-deprecating start. Remember that everyone in the room wants you to succeed at this.
posted by frogan at 11:10 AM on July 14, 2006

oh, and when do i stand up and deliver this speech? will i be told by someone or at some lull during the dinner service do i just go for it?

This worried me more than it should have. The best man's father had a time in mind, and he let me know when he thought it was appropriate.

I was worried about getting everyone to quiet down and listen, but that was no trouble at all - it's amazing what a spoon tapping on a glass will do.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:22 AM on July 14, 2006

If you make a joke at the groom's expense immediatly follow it up with one made at your own expense, or, better still, turn it around at the last minute so you're the butt of of your own joke. I've seen stuff that might have looked like good natured ribbing anywhere else look kind of mean spirited in a formal setting like this.

If something does go wrong, like you're miscued and start before you should, take a lesson from the average house cat and just act like to meant it. It's not like everyone else is following along in the script. It's always glaringly obvious when someone tries to fix things.

And the most important advice of all that I give to every groom, but goes for everyone in the bridal party - DON'T LOCK YOUR KNEES.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 11:43 AM on July 14, 2006

It's cliche, but you can always play on the 'best man' label. A self-deprecating or arrogant joke--anything just to get a quick laugh. One thing you don't want to do: imply that the groom's selection of you as best man demonstrates his generally poor judgement... this can be taken the wrong way at a wedding.
posted by nixerman at 11:55 AM on July 14, 2006

How are you ending the toast? One thought is to find some anecdote/joke that relates to (or sets up) your closing, and use that as your starting point.
posted by avoision at 12:02 PM on July 14, 2006

I have heard that guests from the groom's side should toast the bride. It might help it sounds less awkward if you simply sincerely compliment the bride and say that you know everyone here is glad to be celebrating her (assuming you don't already do that in the rest of your toast). It puts you in a bit of a subservient role, which honors the people who are actually being celebrated, and keeps you from sounding like you're taking credit for the reception.
posted by occhiblu at 12:17 PM on July 14, 2006

Best men don't give a speech, they give a toast.

In the US best men make/give a toast. In the UK they give a speech. What's the differerence? About 2 minutes for a toast rather than 10 or 15.

Another transatlantic distinction is that toasts are made pre-dinner in the US and speeches are post-dinner in the UK.

I'm British, living in the US. I was best man at a US wedding a few years ago unaware of the differences and got quite a shock when I realised it was before dinner. My speech was far, far longer than the guests were used to but people reportedly loved it -- just make sure it's from the heart.

At my own US wedding my best man made a terrific speech. If you're making a speech (rather than a toast) post back and I can try and give a few pointers.
posted by NailsTheCat at 12:29 PM on July 14, 2006

"I'd like to thank all you people for not coming today..."
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 12:34 PM on July 14, 2006

Say hello, introduce yourself and say what you want to say. Rest assured that most of the people there are happy to be there (or at least happy for the bride and groom) so if you just smile and let your pleasure to be there show you'll be fine.
posted by phearlez at 1:04 PM on July 14, 2006

Try this:

*ding* *ding* of glass as you stand.

"Hello everyone, as you might guess from my stylthes attire, I'm the Best Man. At this point I'm supposed to thank everyone by name, but I'm far too nervous that I'll forget someone, so we're going to launch directly into the toast. "

At this point, people should be laughing and you can begin.

At the end, when you have some steam and are in your groove, you can circle back to the names.
posted by Argyle at 1:16 PM on July 14, 2006

Maybe thank the groom for the honor of making you his best man, and the bridge for taking him off your hands?
posted by snickerdoodle at 3:54 PM on July 14, 2006

I agree that it's not your job to thank people for coming to the wedding. Instead, compliment the bride and groom, along the lines of "I know you all share my delight at being part of this wonderful day."
posted by theora55 at 7:54 PM on July 14, 2006

I did this not long ago. My opener (seared into my memory):

"Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anyone here today who's feeling nervous, queasy, or apprehensive at the thought of what lies ahead, then it's probably because you've just married [groom's name]"

Afterwards, I didn't know what I was so worried about. This is the best crowd anyone could ask for - everyone's happy and drunk. So long as you say only genuinely nice things about the bride (no joking), and leave the groom's prior love life out of it (unless it's a joke about how he had none), you're invincible.

There's no need to make self-deprecating jokes, for once in your life you can can legitimately deprecate someone else! But you know how self-deprecation makes you seem somehow bigger, nicer? That's the effect you're hoping to give people about the groom.

There will be other speeches by other people thanking everyone - you are there to toast the bride and groom. Stay on message!
posted by cogat at 8:21 PM on July 14, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm English, by the way, and my speech was 5 minutes.
posted by cogat at 8:23 PM on July 14, 2006

I wound up, literally at the last minute, being the best man at a close friend's wedding, when his brother was involved in a car wreck on the way to the wedding. We used a pinkie ring I wore then as the wedding band, since the real best man had the real ring. So, I wound up later giving a toast, to a crowd of about 300 hundred mostly-strangers, to whom I was only a stand-in for a person they knew, and were generally concerned about. No time for cheap jokes, or research.

I said something along the lines of "For all of us, family and friends gathered to celebrate the happiness of John and Gail, and for those who could not be here, but wish they could, we thank John for asking Gail to give us all the chance to be this happy for them. And we thank Gail for being willing to overlook John's many faults, so that we need not remember or elaborate them publicly, from this day on."

Gail died of breast cancer some years later, but when I visited them a few weeks before she died, she mentioned to me that little talk, again, as she had on other occasions we shared. So do be careful what you say, and take the high road, so it is worth remembering by people you care about.
posted by paulsc at 9:45 PM on July 14, 2006 [2 favorites has favorites]