Help us get our freak on!
July 9, 2006 5:43 AM Subscribe
Help my partner and I find a place to do BDSM play where we'll fit in.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (3 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My girlfriend and I have been engaging in BDSM play in the bedroom for almost as long as we've been together. Both of us are very interested in playing semipublically, i.e. at a fetish club, BDSM orgazization or the like. We're in our thirties, attractive, live near Los Angeles, and generally play with me as the dom and she as the sub.
So far, we haven't been successful in our efforts to find a place to do this. We've visited public events held by two of LA's BDSM organizations, but most of the attendees were significantly older, and neither of us felt any sexual energy with the people there. Granted, we weren't at a play party, and those events might have a younger crowd than the more social gatherings, but we have no way of knowing if this is really the case... and neither of us feel enthusiastic playing in front of people for whom we feel no sexual attraction, which is the case with the older crowd at the events we've been to. So, the local organizations might not be an option.
We have gone to fetish nights at bars, but an opposite problem comes up... the crowd skews much younger and mostly Goth, and we feel a little bit out of place there. Plus, at a bar there are, um, limits to what one can do, and for us BDSM is primarily about sex and not always an end unto itself, so we can't scene in that environment to the extent that we would like.
I'm not sure what other options there are... I mean, swinger's clubs occasionally have a small play area for BDSM stuff and we'd be willing to try that, but I don't know the extent to which that community is accepting of the S&M crowd (plus, I'm a bisexual guy and my girlfriend is bicurious but more or less straight, which is pretty much the opposite dynamic of what is considered the norm in swinger land).
So, how do you find cool places to play? We'd like to find a place with other people who are around our age, and where we feel enough chemistry with those people that we're comfortable playing with/in front of them. Any suggestions are welcome... if you'd like to respond by email, you can reach us at hot.nsfw at gmail.