How can she be gone when she was just here and I see her everywhere?
July 31, 2012 9:48 AM Subscribe
My mom died. Now what? (In the abstract, existential sense.)
posted by ApathyGirl to human relations (28 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
After spending the last year successfully kicking cancer's ass, and the last month kicking c. diff's ass, my mother passed away last week following an unrecoverable stroke. I literally have no idea how to go on.
The practical is pretty well-handled, my folks had just finished setting everything up into a trust and between the lawyer and the mortuary director we've got a good handle on that.
My dad is a rock, as always, and it's just the two of us. He's a do-er, keeping busy helps him. I, on the other hand, have struggled with depression my entire life, and I tend to ostrich or stuff/eat the pain away. I have a psychiatrist that maintains medication but doesn't really do talk therapy - I haven't called her yet because I don't think anything in my meds needs to change. My dad has a wonderful community supporting him in his church and fellow retirees which is a damned good thing because I have no idea how to be strong for him.
I don't have the same network of support he does - I barely have any friends at all - and even if I did, I don't want to be the weepy, clingy friend who cries randomly all day.
Does anyone have any resources for grief counseling or support in the LA area (ideally SGV)? Someplace where I can talk about how I don't know how to reconcile this box of ashes to the person whose hand I was holding a week ago? Because fuck if I know. I just know that I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without her and it hurts, all. the. time. except for moments where things seem normal and then I feel so guilty I can't breathe.