Help me propose in the most bizarre way you can think of.
May 19, 2006 3:04 PM Subscribe
I'm getting married in a week to a girl I've been dating for just over three months. We decided last night. It just sort of came up in conversation, but I need to come up with some creative way to formally propose to her in the next few days. She's got a sense of humor as twisted as my own, so the key adjective here is wacky.
My budget for this operation isn't very large at the moment, so anything too expensive is out of the question. Neither of us like gold, so I'm planning to get some simple silver bands for the time being until we can afford something nicer. I really want to make this memorable and appropriate to the fact that we're both clearly insane. I'm especially interested in ideas that might be considered tasteless and/or bizarre.
My budget for this operation isn't very large at the moment, so anything too expensive is out of the question. Neither of us like gold, so I'm planning to get some simple silver bands for the time being until we can afford something nicer. I really want to make this memorable and appropriate to the fact that we're both clearly insane. I'm especially interested in ideas that might be considered tasteless and/or bizarre.
its....its...."it" needs no apostrophe... *slaps forehead*
posted by kaseijin at 3:18 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by kaseijin at 3:18 PM on May 19, 2006
You could show up on her front lawn at 3:00 AM wearing nothing but a football helmet and a smile and serenade her with a ukelele!
posted by kaseijin at 3:22 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by kaseijin at 3:22 PM on May 19, 2006
You could go to the dollar store, and buy 15, 20, 25 crazy things, wrap them all individually, give them to her all at once, and the last one is the ring.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:23 PM on May 19, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:23 PM on May 19, 2006 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Strippergram might actually work fairly well. I could get a stripper to write "Will you marry me?" across her ass, then get my soon-to-be finacee a lapdance. Hmmmm...
posted by signalnine at 3:31 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by signalnine at 3:31 PM on May 19, 2006
kaseijin's stripper suggestion is the most tasteless cool way I've ever seen. I'll vote forthat.
posted by devilsbrigade at 3:31 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by devilsbrigade at 3:31 PM on May 19, 2006
> the key adjective here is wacky.
+
> we're both clearly insane.
Well, yes, something like that, as attested to by your decision to marry after just 90 days or so of acquaintance.
I suggest that you propose officially by first handing her a prenuptial agreement to sign. Completely tasteless, completely bizarre as a way to begin a proposal, but at the same time very sensible. If you have no children and no substantial assets, maybe it doesn't matter what you agree to, just as long as you float the serious possibility (hell, the probability) of divorce in your marriage proposal.
posted by pracowity at 3:37 PM on May 19, 2006
+
> we're both clearly insane.
Well, yes, something like that, as attested to by your decision to marry after just 90 days or so of acquaintance.
I suggest that you propose officially by first handing her a prenuptial agreement to sign. Completely tasteless, completely bizarre as a way to begin a proposal, but at the same time very sensible. If you have no children and no substantial assets, maybe it doesn't matter what you agree to, just as long as you float the serious possibility (hell, the probability) of divorce in your marriage proposal.
posted by pracowity at 3:37 PM on May 19, 2006
Best answer: A sick sense of humor and wacky can mean a lot of things. A few totally random ideas:
Tell her someone has spraypainted grafitti on her car. Instead, you've written in *washable* something or another, "Will you marry me?" Tie the ring to the driver's side door handle.
Do you guys like sports? The same kind of music? The scoreboard "[HER NAME HERE], Will you marry me?" Or the announcement from the lead singer of a small, indie band you both like is wacky, but not so tacky that your grandkids will be horrified.
Cover yourself in fake blood. Run into the house screaming that you've been hit by a car. Fall down on the floor. When she checks on you, "Just kidding! Will you marry me?"
I think a singing telegram, particularly from a midget or a junkie drag queen, would also be appropriate.
posted by Gucky at 3:58 PM on May 19, 2006
Tell her someone has spraypainted grafitti on her car. Instead, you've written in *washable* something or another, "Will you marry me?" Tie the ring to the driver's side door handle.
Do you guys like sports? The same kind of music? The scoreboard "[HER NAME HERE], Will you marry me?" Or the announcement from the lead singer of a small, indie band you both like is wacky, but not so tacky that your grandkids will be horrified.
Cover yourself in fake blood. Run into the house screaming that you've been hit by a car. Fall down on the floor. When she checks on you, "Just kidding! Will you marry me?"
I think a singing telegram, particularly from a midget or a junkie drag queen, would also be appropriate.
posted by Gucky at 3:58 PM on May 19, 2006
Get a copy of Cmdr. Sinclair's fumbling proposal in season on of Babylon 5. Watch it. Memorize it.
And then play it for her, while speaking the lines in dramatic lockstep. The insist that she answer in lockstep as well. Rewind as many times as necessary. If she gets annoyed, insist, and point out what a potent metaphor it is—marriage is about sacrifice and compromise, and it takes work.
posted by cortex at 3:59 PM on May 19, 2006
And then play it for her, while speaking the lines in dramatic lockstep. The insist that she answer in lockstep as well. Rewind as many times as necessary. If she gets annoyed, insist, and point out what a potent metaphor it is—marriage is about sacrifice and compromise, and it takes work.
posted by cortex at 3:59 PM on May 19, 2006
1.) Set up a date.
2.) Show up wearing assless spandex pants, "marry" and "me" written on each cheek, respectively.
3.) ????
4.) Profit!
posted by kaseijin at 4:01 PM on May 19, 2006
2.) Show up wearing assless spandex pants, "marry" and "me" written on each cheek, respectively.
3.) ????
4.) Profit!
posted by kaseijin at 4:01 PM on May 19, 2006
As an aside to signalnine...don't let people give you too much guff over the decision to marry after only three months. Impulsive? Sure. Big decision? Hell yes.
Still, I have a very good friend who married his wife after 3 months of dating, and they are one of the happiest and most stable couples I know. Conversely, another couple I know took 5 years to finally tie the knot. They hate each other.
Point being, it's something of a crap shoot regardless. Live life in the moment, be happy.
posted by kaseijin at 4:05 PM on May 19, 2006
Still, I have a very good friend who married his wife after 3 months of dating, and they are one of the happiest and most stable couples I know. Conversely, another couple I know took 5 years to finally tie the knot. They hate each other.
Point being, it's something of a crap shoot regardless. Live life in the moment, be happy.
posted by kaseijin at 4:05 PM on May 19, 2006
Have to agree with kaseijin, my true love and I knew in less than two weeks. It's been 13 amazing years so far.
posted by nenequesadilla at 4:09 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by nenequesadilla at 4:09 PM on May 19, 2006
Best answer: Take her out to dinner, then while eating pretend to start choking, get up, knock over the table start convulsing. Have a friend she hasn't met yet immediately come over and start performing the Heimlich maneuver on you, after a couple of pumps out pops the ring on the floor. As she's standing there weeping get down to one knee, pick up the ring and propose.
posted by any major dude at 4:16 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by any major dude at 4:16 PM on May 19, 2006
Have some random female friend accompany you to a get-together with said girlfriend. Then, calmly explain, with a smile on your face, that you and her (the friend) have decided that your relationship would benefit from being a three-way thing, if you know what I mean. Provided you and her are both against this idea in the first place. Explain that yourself and the friend have decided that you're both in love, but still have feelings for the girlfriend, and thus the need for a triforce of love. Get her pissed off enough, and right before she's ready to storm out, you say 'Just kidding! Marry me!'
At this point if she says no because of how much of an asshole you just were, then good riddance. People need to be able to take a joke.
posted by cellphone at 4:23 PM on May 19, 2006
At this point if she says no because of how much of an asshole you just were, then good riddance. People need to be able to take a joke.
posted by cellphone at 4:23 PM on May 19, 2006
I've got a great idea.
Wait a year and then propose. She'll never see that coming. Surprises are awesome!
posted by secret about box at 4:27 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
Wait a year and then propose. She'll never see that coming. Surprises are awesome!
posted by secret about box at 4:27 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
Superglue the ring to your table, cover it with something. At the right moment, uncover it and watch her struggle to lift it. Leep acetone handy.
posted by IronLizard at 5:05 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by IronLizard at 5:05 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
Go with the tasteful but not silly-expensive engagement ring as planned.
However, you should also buy about a dozen or so ones of the sort that come out of kids cheap-plastic-crap-in-bubbles vending machines at grocery stores, out of crackerjack boxes, etc. This is prepwork.
Then prepare a cliched by-the-numbers bog-standard proposal evening. Really nice restaurant, more expensive food than either of you would normally pop for, deep soulful look while you're down on your knee. "Will you..." as you press one of the kids plastic rings into her hand, then pretend to notice which one you just gave her, and trail off into flustered cursing. Ask her to ignore that so you can start again.
Then keep repeating that through all the toy rings. What you're aiming for here is to make it stop being funny, and then funny again through sheer repetition, before finally giving her the real ring with an exhausted pant and a "so, will you marry me or what? My knees are getting sore." Adjust the number of toy rings appropriately for target.
posted by Drastic at 5:05 PM on May 19, 2006
However, you should also buy about a dozen or so ones of the sort that come out of kids cheap-plastic-crap-in-bubbles vending machines at grocery stores, out of crackerjack boxes, etc. This is prepwork.
Then prepare a cliched by-the-numbers bog-standard proposal evening. Really nice restaurant, more expensive food than either of you would normally pop for, deep soulful look while you're down on your knee. "Will you..." as you press one of the kids plastic rings into her hand, then pretend to notice which one you just gave her, and trail off into flustered cursing. Ask her to ignore that so you can start again.
Then keep repeating that through all the toy rings. What you're aiming for here is to make it stop being funny, and then funny again through sheer repetition, before finally giving her the real ring with an exhausted pant and a "so, will you marry me or what? My knees are getting sore." Adjust the number of toy rings appropriately for target.
posted by Drastic at 5:05 PM on May 19, 2006
Err, keep.
posted by IronLizard at 5:06 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by IronLizard at 5:06 PM on May 19, 2006
Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford exchanged rings made out of foil wrapper.
posted by seawallrunner at 5:33 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by seawallrunner at 5:33 PM on May 19, 2006
Re-enact one of the most profoundly ... unusual courtships in recent memory:
1) Climb with her to the top of Albuquerque's answer to the Eiffel Tower.
2) Have a ratty old couch already up there. Bounce up and down on it while cackling maniacally, declaiming your undying love for your "Katie." If your level of aerobic fitness allows, propose as you bounce, either rapping or in couplets.
3) Have as a witness an immaculately dressed black woman of indeterminate age and girth who's holding a microphone — perhaps Debra Wilson is available?
4) With your ring, present her a dogeared copy of "Dianetics," complete with margin scribblings and multiple post-its.
posted by rob511 at 5:45 PM on May 19, 2006
1) Climb with her to the top of Albuquerque's answer to the Eiffel Tower.
2) Have a ratty old couch already up there. Bounce up and down on it while cackling maniacally, declaiming your undying love for your "Katie." If your level of aerobic fitness allows, propose as you bounce, either rapping or in couplets.
3) Have as a witness an immaculately dressed black woman of indeterminate age and girth who's holding a microphone — perhaps Debra Wilson is available?
4) With your ring, present her a dogeared copy of "Dianetics," complete with margin scribblings and multiple post-its.
posted by rob511 at 5:45 PM on May 19, 2006
Arrange to have her walk in on you with your dick in a chicken.
posted by horsewithnoname at 5:51 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by horsewithnoname at 5:51 PM on May 19, 2006
Response by poster: Konolia: No. We're just both very impulsive, I guess.
posted by signalnine at 6:10 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by signalnine at 6:10 PM on May 19, 2006
Response by poster: Great answers so far. Food for thought. Where I had somewhat of a creative block previously, I've now got several ideas brewing. Of course, if you all have any other ideas, keep on posting!
Kaseijin and Nenequesadilla, thanks for the support. I'm not particularly naive, in fact until very recently I'd have considered myself fairly jaded. But sometimes you just know. As for a prenup, neither of us have significant assets or children. I'm a little bit crazy, but I'm not stupid.
I'll be making my decision on Monday or Tuesday, the proposal will probably occur on Thursday, which gives me Friday night for the bachelor/bachelorette parties and Saturday for the wedding itself. I'll report back with details on how it goes.
posted by signalnine at 6:15 PM on May 19, 2006
Kaseijin and Nenequesadilla, thanks for the support. I'm not particularly naive, in fact until very recently I'd have considered myself fairly jaded. But sometimes you just know. As for a prenup, neither of us have significant assets or children. I'm a little bit crazy, but I'm not stupid.
I'll be making my decision on Monday or Tuesday, the proposal will probably occur on Thursday, which gives me Friday night for the bachelor/bachelorette parties and Saturday for the wedding itself. I'll report back with details on how it goes.
posted by signalnine at 6:15 PM on May 19, 2006
if the wedding is already planned for next saturday, wait until then to make the "official" proposal... when you're standing in front of the judge/pastor/ship captain, ask 'em to hold on for a second, and honestly ask her to marry you.
the look on the officiant's face will be priceless. guaranteed.
i know... i've married people, and i think i'd crap my pants if i thought that the proposal was really happening right then, right there -- and she might say no.
might not be get-put-in-jail wacky, but it would certainly make for a magnificent minute of pure screw-with-someone pleasure.
posted by rubberfish at 6:31 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
the look on the officiant's face will be priceless. guaranteed.
i know... i've married people, and i think i'd crap my pants if i thought that the proposal was really happening right then, right there -- and she might say no.
might not be get-put-in-jail wacky, but it would certainly make for a magnificent minute of pure screw-with-someone pleasure.
posted by rubberfish at 6:31 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
Propose to her at a funeral. Definitely tasteless and bizarre. At least to me!
posted by Mike C. at 6:45 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by Mike C. at 6:45 PM on May 19, 2006
If you've already decided to get married, aren't you rather past the proposal stage?
posted by zadcat at 7:15 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by zadcat at 7:15 PM on May 19, 2006
so many interesting ideas here, i dont think you should just do one of them. you should propose to her once every day until the wedding, a different surprise way every time...
posted by ab3 at 7:23 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by ab3 at 7:23 PM on May 19, 2006 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: If you've already decided to get married, aren't you rather past the proposal stage?
Well, conceptually, yes. She specifically asked me to formally propose in as awesome a manner as possible, though.
posted by signalnine at 7:28 PM on May 19, 2006
Well, conceptually, yes. She specifically asked me to formally propose in as awesome a manner as possible, though.
posted by signalnine at 7:28 PM on May 19, 2006
I don't have any ideas, I just wanted to say congratulations and keep us posted on how you propose.
posted by arcticwoman at 7:37 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by arcticwoman at 7:37 PM on May 19, 2006
Have her catch you in bed with her Mom and tell her, "I was just trying to see what it is going to be like in 25 years. It was great. WIll you marry me?"
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:52 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:52 PM on May 19, 2006
You want wacky. Ok. No problem. I just saw several episodes of coupling (the BBC Series)...so that's where my mind is at.
Tell her you have a surprise for her. She'll figure it's coming.
Have dinner, etc (tell her the surprise is back at home).
Have as much bondage gear as you can get. Whip. Handcuffs. Ball gag. If you can afford a latex mask, better yet. A huge jar of lube. Some rope.
Tie her up. Get the ball gag in her mouth.
Get down on one knee and propose. Preferably get this on tape or take her picture at that immediate moment.
posted by filmgeek at 10:01 PM on May 19, 2006
Tell her you have a surprise for her. She'll figure it's coming.
Have dinner, etc (tell her the surprise is back at home).
Have as much bondage gear as you can get. Whip. Handcuffs. Ball gag. If you can afford a latex mask, better yet. A huge jar of lube. Some rope.
Tie her up. Get the ball gag in her mouth.
Get down on one knee and propose. Preferably get this on tape or take her picture at that immediate moment.
posted by filmgeek at 10:01 PM on May 19, 2006
Kaseijin, you clearly are from Mars.
posted by sour cream at 10:39 PM on May 19, 2006
posted by sour cream at 10:39 PM on May 19, 2006
Print "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" on a T-shirt.
Then, do something outrageous that will land you on the front page of the local paper.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:48 PM on May 19, 2006
Then, do something outrageous that will land you on the front page of the local paper.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:48 PM on May 19, 2006
If you can arrange it, get the license early and set up someone who can officially do a marriage without her knowing, arrange to have them meet the two of you in an unlikely place, turn to her and say something to the effect, "I can't wait, lets get this person to marry us!", produce the license make rings from chewing gum wrappers and get hitched (you might have to arrange for 2 witnesses as well). Of course go through the Sat. ceremony if that is where friends and family will be, keep the secret that the two of you are already married, a special day reserved only for the two of you.
incidentally: my wife and I married 4 months after meeting one another, just celebrated 12 years.
posted by edgeways at 11:41 PM on May 19, 2006
incidentally: my wife and I married 4 months after meeting one another, just celebrated 12 years.
posted by edgeways at 11:41 PM on May 19, 2006
My faves so far are the "fake getting hit by a car" by Gucky and "last minute proposal" by rubberfish.
I'm in a similar situaion and I'm really enjoying the suggestions. Keep 'em coming!
posted by ThFullEffect at 5:22 AM on May 20, 2006
I'm in a similar situaion and I'm really enjoying the suggestions. Keep 'em coming!
posted by ThFullEffect at 5:22 AM on May 20, 2006
Wow, kaseijin, you have a sick and twisted mind. Take that as a compliment. :)
posted by jeversol at 7:13 AM on May 20, 2006
posted by jeversol at 7:13 AM on May 20, 2006
Take her to a restaurant and while you're engaging in some deep conversation, have a helper come up and start hitting on her intensely ("I want to take you away from here and...") leading up to a proposal only have him get interrupted by another helper come up and start proposing to her, this time more intense and pulling out a ring ("I've been stalking you for months, and now I know I can't go on alone..."), which is your cue to grab it start a three way tussle whereupon you are victorious and propose with the ring purloined from helper number two.
posted by plinth at 7:39 AM on May 20, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by plinth at 7:39 AM on May 20, 2006 [2 favorites]
If there are any skydiving operations in your area, you could really "fall for her," (tandem jump with an instructor, in the likely event you've never done this) and propose if you survive. If she's crazy enough to jump out of a perfectly good airplane too, you might even be able to "pop" the question, along with your 'chutes, in midair...
posted by paulsc at 10:04 AM on May 20, 2006
posted by paulsc at 10:04 AM on May 20, 2006
She specifically asked me to formally propose in as awesome a manner as possible, though.
You're sure by "awesome" she meant wacky and wierd? Just asking, because even the most bizarre girl in the world might not want these kind of proposals. Just throwing out the thought that she might have meant "awesome" in the sense of over-the-top, i.e. huge production, but really romantic, dramatic. No offense to all the creative suggestions mentioned so far, but I would be horrified to receive a proposal like almost any of these. (Granted, I'm not particularly crazy.)
[I don't know how to make smaller font in ask mefi, but I would if I could here]: my godparents married after one week together, and they have been married for about 40+ years, very happily, + three kids. And, it was Quebec City and she didn't speak any French at first.
(Although I do like the idea of proposing every day in a different way, until you get married.)
posted by Amizu at 10:41 AM on May 20, 2006 [1 favorite]
You're sure by "awesome" she meant wacky and wierd? Just asking, because even the most bizarre girl in the world might not want these kind of proposals. Just throwing out the thought that she might have meant "awesome" in the sense of over-the-top, i.e. huge production, but really romantic, dramatic. No offense to all the creative suggestions mentioned so far, but I would be horrified to receive a proposal like almost any of these. (Granted, I'm not particularly crazy.)
[I don't know how to make smaller font in ask mefi, but I would if I could here]: my godparents married after one week together, and they have been married for about 40+ years, very happily, + three kids. And, it was Quebec City and she didn't speak any French at first.
(Although I do like the idea of proposing every day in a different way, until you get married.)
posted by Amizu at 10:41 AM on May 20, 2006 [1 favorite]
...course go through the Sat. ceremony if that is where friends and family will be, keep the secret that the two of you are already married, a special day reserved only for the two of you.
My parents eloped spontaneously, and pretended it was an engagement, and got married several months later. They only recently told me. I think it's something they've secretly enjoyed about their history ever since.
posted by Amizu at 10:42 AM on May 20, 2006
My parents eloped spontaneously, and pretended it was an engagement, and got married several months later. They only recently told me. I think it's something they've secretly enjoyed about their history ever since.
posted by Amizu at 10:42 AM on May 20, 2006
[I don't know how to make smaller font in ask mefi, but I would if I could here]
Wrap it in <small>these tags</small>.
posted by cortex at 11:02 AM on May 20, 2006
Wrap it in <small>these tags</small>.
posted by cortex at 11:02 AM on May 20, 2006
We married 6 weeks after meeting. We've been married 12 years. They have been the most marvelous years of my life. We're looking forward to the next 50. I agree sometimes you just know.
I have no suggestions. We decided to get married while I was sick on the couch with a migraine.
Mrs. Urlnotfound
posted by urlnotfound at 11:10 AM on May 20, 2006
I have no suggestions. We decided to get married while I was sick on the couch with a migraine.
Mrs. Urlnotfound
posted by urlnotfound at 11:10 AM on May 20, 2006
Have her kidnapped by friends of yours that she hasn't met. Have them argue in front of her about how they're going to tell you they have her. Have them decide to send you her finger.
They grab it to cut it off - but then they put a ring on it, at the same time they shove a piece of paper at her, which asks her to marry you in cutout newspaper letters!
One of the kidnappers could be you in a ski mask.
People telling you it's too soon need to back off. They don't know you, and you didn't ask.
posted by crabintheocean at 1:57 PM on May 22, 2006 [1 favorite]
They grab it to cut it off - but then they put a ring on it, at the same time they shove a piece of paper at her, which asks her to marry you in cutout newspaper letters!
One of the kidnappers could be you in a ski mask.
People telling you it's too soon need to back off. They don't know you, and you didn't ask.
posted by crabintheocean at 1:57 PM on May 22, 2006 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: We pushed it back a week, so the wedding is going to be June 3rd. Still haven't proposed, waiting on the ring. I'm thinking the car accident + fake blood thing is going to be the most logicistially feasable suggestion.
posted by signalnine at 6:03 PM on May 25, 2006
posted by signalnine at 6:03 PM on May 25, 2006
We will want pictures, signalnine.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:26 PM on May 27, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:26 PM on May 27, 2006 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Damn, sorry- forgot to update. Went with the propose in front of the minister right before the ceremony option. It all went smashingly and we're very happy.
posted by signalnine at 11:27 AM on July 19, 2006
posted by signalnine at 11:27 AM on July 19, 2006
This thread is closed to new comments.
Somehow, though, I get the feeling that you're looking for a little *less* tasteless than that...so let's see....
You could swallow the ring, then take some ipecac syrup and feign sickness. When you hurl into a bucket or onto the street, there would be the ring...shining in all it's acidic glory.
Strippergram would be amusing. Have a male stripper clench a ring between his cheeks and drop it in her lap whilst doing all of his wiggling and gyrations. Or a female stripper...
You could create a large sculpture out of SPAM and place it on the kitchen table, incorporating the ring in some way. I'm thinking along the lines maybe of a sculpture of Erik Estrada or Telly Sevalas holding aloft the ring or something...
You could pay a midget (well, a little person) to follow her around wearing a nacho hat. At the bottom of the cheesy bowl of goodness in the center, you could hide the ring. Romantic and delicious!
posted by kaseijin at 3:16 PM on May 19, 2006 [2 favorites]