Help me find perspective, is my relationship half-full or half-empty?
July 14, 2014 10:30 PM Subscribe
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, but it seems like we can't seem to find a good "groove". We're satisfied in the relationship for a while and then we get into petty fights and don't resolve them. I thought I was happy with him and really enjoyed his company. However, it's been more and more stressful and I need help figuring out if I've checked out for a while, or if the relationship has run its course. Hope me?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Mid-20s, living together about a year now and I thought I was pretty committed. I was even considering this being a long-term thing where possible marriage is in the future. Big house in the suburbs with a bunch of kids isn't what either of us want, so I thought that was a big plus. We both agree on travel and a few other activities and hobbies we enjoy together. I guess my main issue is I expect him to treat me "like a lady" and he doesn't really know how or get it when I try to explain to him what I need. This is the first serious relationship for both of us and I get you have to learn how to be in a relationship with someone first, but I thought we were past that. Is it that it's just not going to get any better? I know the 5 Love Languages isn't legit or anything, but I resonate with quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation as something that is important to me. Mainly, I feel like I'm not really asking for much than what is expected in a normal relationship: courtesy, respect, and some physical displays of affection. I miss the fun that we used to have and now feel like we're roommates. It sucks because I miss the boyfriend that I had, but maybe I just thought that's what he was like because I wanted him to be? Or it's like that old pair of jeans that were so comfortable you loved so much except it's so worn out you have to throw it away?
I don't feel like I can give anymore or do anything else to really change anything. I tried mentioning this to him and he's happy with the status quo. I'm so not. I daydream about breaking up with him sometimes and finding a guy that will treat me how I think I deserve to be treated. I'm not asking to be put on a pedestal, but at this point I'm starting to feel like "does he not adore me because he doesn't care? He doesn't love me enough? Am I missing out because someone would be over the moon in love with me and instead I'm with this guy who is happy while I'm in an emotional rut?" Is it just me and I should be happy with what I have? People don't change, so is it my perspective that needs to?
So MeFi, am I asking too much? I don't need him to open doors for me or anything, but why can't he show some love? I'm pretty stressed out and feeling indifferent and I know relationships aren't supposed to be like this. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy stuck with someone who doesn't want to do anything and everything to make me happy. I feel like I'm settling and I just wish he'd step up to the plate a bit. Are my expectations too high? I do all the stuff he does and more and I feel it's something you're supposed to do. Like regular household duties and stuff, which he does and I tell him I'm appreciative, but I do it too. That's what you do as an adult... ok I'm rambling now. Please help?