Grass is greener syndrome with first love after 7 years together
September 2, 2010 5:59 AM Subscribe
First love, 7 year healthy relationship, grass is greener syndrome - how to proceed?
posted by lichen to human relations (39 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
I met my girlfriend when I was 18 and she was 17. I am now 24. It was complete and utter fireworks for the first year, then it mellowed into a lovely relationship. In all honesty we have always been great together - same sense of humour, both loving, and the attraction was always there.
Over the years however I have slowly developed a growing desire to move on and find someone new. This is a large source of internal strife for me because I know our relationship is good, but I have a growing fear that I am 'wasting' my 'prime' by devoting it to the same person. Perhaps I should be finding out what it's like to fall in love with other people? Am I not far far too young to be committing like this?
And now at age 24, having been together for 7 years or so, I am probably going to get a mortgage in the new year. She is keen for us to move onto 'the next stage' and for us to commit to living together. It is clear that she want us to marry.
This impending change is really bringing to the surface what has been going on in my mind for years now. I am suffering from an extreme dose of 'Grass might be greener' syndrome, and I am not sure at all how to proceed because none of my friends have been through similar experiences.
About a month ago I decided to talk to her about it. She understood what I meant and agreed that perhaps we should have a 'trial' break up. She was very understanding, which didn't make anything easier for me. We started our break and I buckled after a few days, returning to her to say that I couldn't do it and that we would be throwing away so much that we had built over the years. It was so obvious that we are so well matched - which we really are.
And yet now, again, I feel terrible inside. As soon as I go out to a party or whatever without her, and I see glances from other girls, I can't help think 'I am 24, I should be free to experience other relationships'. I feel that if I really commit now, I will never do so, and this seems terrible to me.
So please, if you have been through this, try to give me some advice on what to do. How to proceed. What worked and didn't work for you.