Should I end my relationship?
May 31, 2014 5:20 PM Subscribe
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I've always wondered if I was settling but ignored those feelings. For the past year I've seriously been thinking about ending it but have been so ambivalent. I broke up once with him last year but decided to go back after 1 week and see if it would work. I'm still having doubts. Should I just end it?
posted by Satsue to Human Relations (34 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Sorry this is going to be a long post. Thank you for taking the time to read and help.
I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 27. We don't live together, I just stay at his house on the weekends. He is a decent person, we have a decent relationship but I feel it lacks substance. I'm not 100% sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with this person.
I feel that we are too different and lack compatibility. I love talking and exploring topics, whereas conversations with him or more superficial and black and white. He's a very conservative and traditional person, and always follows the rules, whereas I am more of a free spirit. I am a passionate person, and he is more indifferent about things. I can't understand how he 'doesn't have favourites" (quoted by him).
I feel it's hard to communicate, we don't understand each other. For example when I tried ending things, what I saw as reasons to leave, he thought wasn't enough to end a long term relationship or reasons to be unhappy.
We have so many repeated fights about our roles in the house. He is always analysing how I do the chores and correcting me. He is very efficient at tasks, whereas I'm slower at doing things. I know he's trying to help me but sometimes he gets frustrated when I don't get things right straight away.
Last time he swore to himself "F***,... "Why is it when you do things you get them wrong, but when I do it I get it right?!" We argued and argued but eventually he told me he'd try to be more patient with me.
He admits that he is an impatient person. I must say I'm a sensitive person. While I do appreciate constructive criticism, it's hard to not be unhappy when all your partner tells you more the negative and little/none of the positive.
Generally we get along, we like doing similar things, and we share a good sense of humour. He is stable, secure and I know he'll make a good husband some day. He takes my feelings into account and tries to make me happy. For example lack of affection on his part was one of the reasons I temporarily left last year. Since then he's been improving on that. It's not as much as I want but it's an improvement.
I'm scared of always being alone or not finding anyone better. I'm mindful that many people my age are getting engaged or married, and some are having kids. I'm worried that leaving will be the biggest mistake.
He hasn't proposed but has spoken of wanting to settle down in a year or two, and eventually having kids. The other night I had a dream that it was our wedding day and nothing was going right. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to marry him. I hadn't prepared my vows and didn't know what I'd say... I'm sad to say this may ring true in reality...