How to stop thinking about my relationship?
May 1, 2014 8:45 AM Subscribe
My marriage is in limbo and I need to stop giving it so much emotional energy.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
My spouse and i have been married for a few years. We recently started couple's counseling to address some dynamics of our relationship we both really dislike and, frankly, my significant doubts about whether my spouse is the right person for me. I do love my spouse and think they have a lot of good qualities - however there is also a lot that I do not get from them that I'm not sure I can live without. We both really like our therapist and no matter how this turns out, I think going is a very good decision.
My problem is that I can't stop trying to decide whether or not to leave my marriage. I have had these same doubts throughout our entire marriage and most of our engagement. (I know.) Increasingly over the years I have spent more and more time trying to make up my mind. Every time I think I have come to peace with a decision I second guess myself again. Now my doubt itself has become another reason to doubt this relationship. I spend hours every day going over everything again and again. It is starting to affect my productivity and manifest physically. I want so badly to be free of these feelings. However I am by nature a very anxious and analytical person and always have to have "a plan."
I have tried to steel myself for either possibility but I can't stand not knowing what to expect or what to do. But I need to give counseling a fair shot. I really really want to stop thinking about everything all the time and just try to focus on improving this relationship. But how, when I know there's a decent chance it won't work out?
I should also note that my spouse really wants to work things out and will be crushed if I end up leaving, which also complicates the thought process.
Does anyone have any tips, mantras, stories or general advice when dealing with something like this? I do plan to discuss this at our next therapy session but I could really use some help in the meantime.