How sure should I be before I say yes?
April 10, 2007 8:07 PM Subscribe
How sure should I be before accepting a marriage proposal?
posted by anonymous to human relations (63 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
Through various clues and hints, I've gathered that my boyfriend plans to propose to me upon my graduation from college next month. We've been together 3 years, and have talked about marriage for the past year, so this isn't any huge surprise. I am constantly wavering between happiness and doubt, though, and while I feel some of that is normal "cold feet," how do I know I'm making the right decision? I don't want to end up divorced in a few years.
He really is a good person, and he treats me much better than any man I've ever known. There are no huge red flags, like drinking or violence. However, we approach life in very different ways. My main concern is our personality differences: he's sloppy, spontaneous, procrastinating, forgetful, and distant when he's stressed; I'm a neat freak, detail oriented, anxiety-prone, and need a lot of affection/attention. We both come from abusive backgrounds and are working through our baggage. We don't fight a lot (every other week), but there seems to be a fairly consistent level of annoyance/tension, at least on my part, and sometimes I seriously wonder if I can accept him as he is. Sometimes the freedom of singlehood seems like a siren's song.
It's worth noting that this is my first long-term relationship, and the longest lasting he's had. Given that, plus an "interesting" family history, I don't have much of a yardstick for "normal."
Since he will most likely be proposing in front of friends and family, if I'm not going to accept I definitely want to tell him beforehand (he hasn't bought the ring yet, AFAIK). I don't want to leave him; I'm just not sure I am ready to commit.
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