How to distinguish relationship doubts from a complicated history?
February 24, 2012 6:20 AM Subscribe
I've been with a wonderful man for 4 years and I'm panicking about ending the relationship for no good reason. I still get smiley when he texts me and he makes me laugh, he's gorgeous, but I have these sudden adrenalin rushes and an overwhelming panicky feeling that I have to end the relationship immediately. I asked for three weeks apart to clear my head, and we made it to two before I wanted him here again... but the panicking is back!
posted by Anne Onymouse to Human Relations (29 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
This is the longest relationship I've ever had, the next longest all ended after a year after I started behaving complacently, picking on them for silly things. I did the same with my current boyfriend but he took it on the chin and stuck around. We had a long distance relationship for three and a half years then last summer he moved in with me. Throughout the relationship I’ve developed stupid crushes on TOTALLY inappropriate men, but I suspect this is more of an obsessive thing rather than anything real.
First few months were great, then a slight nagging doubt started, which has blown up into something I feel like I can barely control. I can be happy and life is great then a thought like 'don't drink at the party tonight or you'll dump him' will enter my head for no reason and I'm thrown back into panicking. I got worried I'd do something silly so I asked him to move out for three weeks. During that time I tried to make plans to keep busy, I work part time so I've found ways to fill my day more and I've started seeing a counsellor. I was really optimistic when he moved back in but the doubt came back yesterday. No sleep last night and I feel sick. Sleep has been a little thin on the ground lately!
He has been unwaveringly supportive, affectionate and understanding. I've never hidden anything from him, he knows exactly how I feel and how much it's confusing me. He's not pressuring me to do anything, but there is no doubt he loves me (which is pressure in itself). My parents split when I was 6 and I don't really remember having any families around as a child that didn't end in divorce. Any thoughts or experience anyone may have would be great. I can't help but wonder (hope) this is a result of my childhood and we can work through it as I don't want to imagine life without him.