#NotThankful for your seemingly endless bliss and my resulting jealousy. Or your dumb twitter #hashtag.
November 14, 2011 4:29 PM Subscribe
When you're in a long term relationship or marriage, how do you deal with feelings of jealousy of other couples seemingly endless "honeymoon phase"?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (38 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
Been with my boyfriend for 3+ years, living together for over a year. I love him very much and he loves me very much back . He is a great partner for me that is loving, supportive, funny, and keeps me on my toes. He both challenges me and is my partner in crime. We share similar thoughts on life and how we want to live it, and hope in coming years to get married. I'm 30.
Recently on twitter someone I follow tweeted the following about her marriage: "#thankful for our "honeymoon phase" that doesn't seem to be ending anytime um.. ever."
Enter the green-eyed monster.
I found myself immediately begrudging this poor girl her happiness. Hoping that there were secret things wrong with their relationship, or that she'd freak out one day when her honeymoon period DID end and it would be their demise. My mind was saying things like "I bet she's going to get a rude awakening when she comes down from cloud nine to discover her husband... [enter any general long term relationship complaint here]." I was really hoping that their current bliss was somehow a signal of impending doom. Which is awful. To make matters worse, she is not a random twitter stranger, but a casual acquaintance who I actually like very much. She is 23 and has been married less than a year, but based on her Facebook page seems to have been with her now husband for at least a couple years, so its not like they've had some crazy whirlwind romance. They easily could have been together as long (or longer) than my bf and I.
My man and I, while we definitely enjoyed a honeymoon phase in our first year or so, never had a really crazy strong infatuation. It was more just a slow growing love. We were definitely more mushy and honeymoon-ish in our first year, and now we're just very comfortable 3+years in. I would say the "honeymoon" phase per se is over. I get jealous though, of that idea of being head over heels and crazy infatuated and head over heels for your partner at several years in... of her never-ending honeymoon phase.
So, those of you who are in committed long term relationships... how do you deal with these feelings of jealousy, or of wishing you had more of what someone else has in your relationship.
I am not looking for advice to breakup with the bf just to chase that feeling, because I know we have a great meaningful relationship that overall makes me quite happy. This is not my first long term relationship either, so I do know that those infatuation/honeymoon feelings come and go and do not inherently = love.
I just want to know how you cope when that mega-uber-happy-couple jealousy rears its head. How you keep it from making you insecure about your relationship? And how do you keep from wishing ill-will toward the happy couple? How do you keep the feelings of "oh god, what if they're just magically happier & more in love than we'll ever be?" in check?