Should I leave my husband?
April 24, 2014 12:04 AM Subscribe
I married my husband almost a year ago. Prior to that we had been dating 6 months. I am 21. This person is my best friend who saved me from a very dark place in my life. He means a lot to me, and does so much for me.
posted by wilywabbit to Human Relations (53 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I however have no interest in having sex with him. I am not happy. I’m starting to feel very trapped. This has happened due to me growing farther and farther away from my friends, and due to me entwining my entire life with his. I also think it’s due to me being lost in my own. In the beginning of our relationship he was emotionally manipulative by guilting me when I would do things without him. This has calmed down however, a lot. Some other issues I am having are his temper tantrums. When angry enough he will break things, or slam doors, and be otherwise irrational. This really bothers me, especially because I grew up in an abusive household, and especially because my last ex was emotionally and physically abusive and controlling. He is in my opinion, emotionally immature, and can be at times emotionally unstable. I feel like he is very clingy, and suffocating emotionally.
I’ve talked to him about all my issues with him and I was on the verge of leaving him. We have seemingly worked things out however, and he has improved. He truly loves me, and does so much for me. He cleans, cooks, and generally is as loving as a person could be. I wish I could just feel the love he feels for me in return. He is the epitome of a great husband. My feelings for him haven’t returned since our talk however. The love I once had just isn’t there. I have no interest in cuddling or affection, and he knows this and “accepts” it, begrudgingly.
I love him, but I do not want to be with him. I feel terrible for not being able to give him back the love he gives me. He does not outright threaten suicide when I have mentioned leaving, but also has said he does not promise his safety if I do go. He is the kind of person who would hurt himself. Lately there was an incident in which he blacked out due to alcohol and hurt me physically. He’s never done anything like this before. It was completely out of character. And he is very apologetic and has sworn off drinking. I however just want it to be done. I know he would feel awful if this is incident is what caused me to leave him. I don’t want him to be in pain. I’m not sure what to do. The other complicating factor is that I would not only be hurting him, but I would be hurting his family, and they are people I have become very close to. Also a lot of my friends are also his friends, complicating things.
I am so unsure of what to do. I don’t think I want to be married. But I feel like I should stick
it out for his sake. Being with him is like being roommates with a best friend. I love him but I just am not in love with him.