What's the best advice you have regarding successful marriage/ divorce prevention?
May 25, 2009 7:30 AM Subscribe
What's your best advice for preventing divorce- starting before you even decide to get married?
posted by anonymous to human relations (55 answers total) 138 users marked this as a favorite
I am in my mid-20's, female, and for the first time dating someone I might actually consider marrying. But, like many others my age, I'm terrified of divorce . . . especially because it seems like even people who could not be more in love and happy, somehow end up having irreconcilable differences ten years down the road. What happens to these couples? I've read plenty of stats during my obsessive googling: people are less likely to get divorced if they are over 25, if they are highly educated, if their parents aren't divorced. But that isn't all there is to it. Searching 'divorce prevention' on askmefi finds nothing (sad!), but it breaks my heart to see that there are hundreds of posts from people asking for advice on getting through their own divorces. i don't want that to be me in 20 years.
So . . . whats a mid-20's-girl who believes in marriage to do in the face of such harsh reality? I'm asking anon simply because I want general advice- nothing specific to my own life. For those of you who are happily married, what do you think you have that your now-divorced peers lacked? For those that are divorced . . . (well, number one, I'm sorry. I really am.) But secondly, what could have been different- or do you think it was doomed from the start, and you just failed to recognize it? Do people just have an unrealistic concept of what marriage is? Are people just too selfish? Are people just getting married to the wrong people? Do spouses neglect each other once kids come into the picture? Essentially, what advice would you give a stranger to help her ensure that her first marriage is her only one? Or is it ultimately a crapshoot to marry someone you love now and maybe you won't both be completely different in 10 years?
The one small thing about me that I suppose is relevant is that I am not religious. I know that makes a difference for some people. Also, I know that not getting married is a popular option for many, but I'm not ready to write off marriage yet, so please don't tell me to do that (yet. If I change my mind I'll let ya know.) Please don't get snarky at me, I'm not asking you to solve my personal problems, I just want to start a real and hopefully productive conversation on a subject I'm very curious about (and I'm sure I'm not the only one.) If you'd like to share your advice anonymously, throwaway account is email@example.com .