Dealing with loss of friendshp
February 13, 2014 7:24 PM Subscribe
How do you deal with a complicated loss of friendship that has no possible resolution?
posted by lullu73 to Human Relations (23 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
For several years I had a very good friend. This was the type of friend I spoke with and saw on a daily basis. We are both in our late 30s and in a doctoral program so we have very flexible lives. Much of our lives revolved around going from one coffee shop to another working, discussing research, life, and also relaxing such as dinner, shows, etc. This was my life for the first three years in our program. I considered this person the person I trusted and cared about the most here.
A little over a year ago, this person suddenly and very abruptly stopped speaking to me, it felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath me, I never saw it coming. I tried to ask what was going on, but each time the discussion turned into very upsetting and hurtful arguments where this person became very upset with me. I was told that I should know why they no longer speak to me, but I don’t.
Throughout the last year and a half, I have tried to resolve the issue, and when it was clear that there was no way to resolve it, I tried to suggest we simply be cordial to each other, since we are in the same program and have mutual people in our lives. Each time I tried to discuss this with this person, there was no resolution or agreement of cordiality.
There was also a lot of gossip that there was more going on between this person and I, which was heightened significantly when our friendship abruptly ended. At times I wondered myself, but technically we were only friends that happened to spend a lot of time together and I cared about this person deeply.
I have been left with the aftermath: the loss of a friendship I cared deeply about, the gossip, and the uncertainty of still not knowing why this person I spent so much time with won’t speak to me. And it simply hurts. And I deal with all of this while having this person still present in both my work and social life, although they still will barely interact with me when we are in the same setting.
Having never been in this type of situation (I’ve never lost a friend, I’ve only had the “drift apart” occurrences) and having never been the topic of intense gossip, I don’t know how to deal with this. I am left feeling insecure about what people are saying about me and just simply sad over the loss of friendship. What should I do about this and how do I interact with this person? How do I get over the gossip? How do I get over the loss?
Would appreciate any advice. Thanks.