my so-called friends
March 9, 2011 10:15 AM Subscribe
How do I deal with a squad of unsympathetic friends?
posted by anonymous to human relations (24 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I will keep the drama queen details short: I was in a quietly abusive relationship for a few years, emotional and occasionally physical. No one had any idea what was going on (I barely did, I thought I deserved it. Yuck, right?) until about a year ago, when I told some friends what happened. Their response was shocking to me - essentially, "he's so great, he would never do that!" and the occasional "oh that sucks, he must have been drunk." I see these people all the time, I live in a small city and the ex is close with my roommate.
It's somewhat clear that these people don't believe me and have bought into his "[name] is just a shit talker" line of thought. We've been broken up for over a year and I've mostly put his shitty behavior behind me, but I can't get past how my friends reacted. These people are otherwise active in women's shelters, feminist causes, and other activities that would lead me to believe that they'd be more sympathetic to a friend opening up about a stressful time in her life.
How do I deal with having to see these people? I avoid them as much as possible, but I live with someone who is very close to my ex and it's getting to lonely to stop going out in fear of encountering this group of people (it's a small city). They sometimes wonder why they haven't seen me in a while and it's hard not to say "maybe because you shrugged off years of abuse?"