Why do I keep running into this type of guy?
February 3, 2014 10:29 PM Subscribe
I like nerdy, introverted men but they don't seem to (often) like nerdy, introverted women like me. Most of the guys who ask me out and stick around have nothing in common with me. Why?
posted by caseofyou to Human Relations (30 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
We'll go out for a few weeks or months and at first they're very attracted but when it comes to relationship talk I always get the same refrain. They find me beautiful, intelligent, interesting and kind and I turn them on a lot but they don't want a relationship because something is "off" in our chemistry. When I dig a little deeper I'm told that I'm too shy, nervous, not wild enough. Digging deeper still, they tell me that when they were young they were more like me ("I used to be really shy") but they have shed their old skins. This always sounds hollow since these guys are still basically shy, otherwise I wouldn't be attracted, although they may disguise their discomfort with various vices.
I ask them what type of girls they liked in the past and the women they were into most were often out of reach party girls. I've literally heard the same story from about 10 different guys now.
It's so predictable at this point that I can anticipate every beat in the conversation as it's unfolding. And the weirdest part is the regular, non intellectual, extroverted dudes who I'd think would have the least appreciation of me seem to value my deeper qualities the most. Is this a thing?
Why can't I find a shy nerd who digs what I have to offer and isn't looking for some manic pixie dream girl to fulfill him?
Btw, I've dated a whole range of nerds but I always get the same spiel.