How do I decide if I want us to have a baby?
January 14, 2014 9:40 PM Subscribe
I'm having a difficult time deciding whether I want my wife and I to get pregnant. She is very into it, but I have mixed feelings. How do I decide if I'm ready?
posted by jsharke to Human Relations (60 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
I think I want kids at some point in the future, though at the moment I feel rather ambivalent towards them (kind of like, I have a vague, undefined desire to have a Havanese dog, but the desire isn't strong enough to override the desire not to do the chores that come with owning a dog). This would be fine except for a few complications:
1. My wife wants kids ASAP for biological-clock related reasons. I don't blame her. I'd want to be pregnant with a young and healthy body too.
2. I want to be young when I have kids, and still be young by the time we expect them to be leaving home. My own kind of biological clock.
3. I want our grandparents to be alive to see their great grandchildren be born. My grandfather is 95 so this is a real concern.
The problem is, to me, that these reasons just aren't that compelling. I feel like I should be excited for kids (scared and excited, maybe, but excited nonetheless), when I really just feel indifference. It doesn't help that I have a few other problems with kids:
1. Babies are boring. Kids can be fun! But babies are boring, and I don't find them all that cute. It seems like you have to live with this for a year until they slowly start to be somewhat interesting.
2. I really like my life right now. As in, I'm happier now than I've been in my entire life. I finally have independence, a job I like, and free time to do things that I want to do. Why would I throw a huge, life-changing wrench into the gears?
Of course, there are good things on the other side:
1. A chance to relive the best parts of my childhood, both alongside my child, and vicariously through my child, doing arts and crafts projects, music, learning, etc. Someone to be proud of. Someone to play with.
2. Someone to be the focus of my projects. It would give me a reason to knit, a person to write educational software for, etc.
3. Someone to hang out with as they get older, that I enjoy being around.
Any discussion of any of these points to help clarify my thinking would be most appreciated. Anyone who had doubts, but had a child anyway? How did it work out?