Transgender people and pregnancy, babies, kids?
May 28, 2011 12:07 PM Subscribe
My partner and I are a lesbian couple. One half of our happy couple is pregnant with our first child, the other half is a transsexual woman, and because of that we have been able to conceive a child that is genetically related to both of us. We know one other couple in the world who has dealt with these issues. Is anyone else out there?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
There are a lot of unusual issues we’ve already had to deal with, like being the only woman in the deposit line at the sperm bank. Now that we’re expecting, we’re realizing we have a lot more fun things to figure out, like how to explain the “facts of life” to our child in age-appropriate ways.* Can you teach a kid that families are different and she should be proud of hers, but also that it’s not appropriate to “out” her trans mom to her class and therefore the whole neighborhood?* How do we deal when that inevitably happens anyway?*
Two-mom families get asked “who’s baby is it?” all the time, and that’s insulting to the relationship and to the mother who didn’t carry the pregnancy -- so we’ve decided like some other lesbian couples that we’re not going to share how we made our family with anyone other than our closest friends and immediate family. Fine, but how do you say that to lesbian friends who are trying to conceive and want to talk shop?*
There is zero information online about this sort of thing. All of the resources for transgender parents are geared toward later-transitioning folks and are mostly about how to explain your upcoming gender transition to your adult or teenage children. That is great and valuable but not relevant to us at all.
We only know of one other couple who has dealt with this stuff, and we’re thinking about putting together some online resources for others, sharing our experiences and what we’ve learned. We’d also like to include experiences from trans men as well. But I keep thinking, what if we really are the only people ever going through this? What if there are no resources because no one needs them? Is this worth the effort at all?
So here’s my question: Are there MeFites who are have had or are now going through similar situations? If so, do you have awesome advice?* If not, then do you know of anyone and would you be willing to put them in touch with us? If you can’t or don’t want to reply here, we’d love an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
* PLEASE NOTE: We are not seeking opinions on parenting from people who have no personal experience with this specific situation. We’ve been thinking about this stuff for a while. If no one close to you has had this experience, and you only started thinking about these questions as you were reading this post, you can bet we’ve already thought of or heard what you’re going to say! We would love to read helpful, non-prescriptive thoughts on this from others who can relate to our situation.