What are the best cities for a mid-thirties single woman?

November 22, 2013 7:58 PM

What are the best cities for a mid-thirties single woman?

I'm a female in my mid-thirties and I would like to meet a guy, get married, and have kids. I currently live in NYC which is problematic for dating in a couple of ways: the city has way more women than men, and people here tend to always be on the lookout for someone better (younger, prettier, etc).

Which cities (US or abroad) are good for women in their mid-thirties who'd like to meet a guy and settle down?

Thanks!

posted by sunflower16 to Human Relations (21 answers total)

Alaska is famous (or notorious, depending on your point of view) for having more men than women, so how does Anchorage or Fairbanks sound? If your only criteria are "cities good for women ..." who want to get married and settle down, then why not?
posted by rtha at 8:11 PM on November 22, 2013

For some people, "your hometown" is a good option, because they know networks of people there, are comfortable with the scene, and are likely to share values with the people they grew up with.

I've also heard good things about Austin, YMMV.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:16 PM on November 22, 2013

San Francisco / Oakland, but then you have to move to afford housing.
posted by salvia at 8:27 PM on November 22, 2013

Indianapolis. I grew up there, and my family is still there, and I can tell you that it is really, truly a great place to settle down and raise a family while having enough culture to not lose your mind. People are just nice there, but not unsophisticated. Guys tend to want to settle down, too. (If they don't, they move to Chicago or NYC or LA.) Housing is also quite affordable.
posted by JimInLoganSquare at 8:33 PM on November 22, 2013

Atlantic Cities covered the ratio issue earlier this year. Las Vegas, Honolulu, and San Jose all seem to have more single men than women.
posted by Area Man at 8:35 PM on November 22, 2013

If your only goal is to find a husband, check out Montana cities: Missoula... Bozeman... Whitefish? They don't call it Mantana for nothing.
posted by adorap0621 at 9:03 PM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]

It would be easier for us if we had a greater sense of who you are, whether you'd lean toward a red or blue state, blue or white collar partners, etc.

In that vein, I've learned a lot using the compare cities tool at BestPlaces. It will give you the demographic nuts and bolts for any city you enter (e.g., gender and age breakdown, housing costs, political leanings) and let you compare against another city. Kinda cool.
posted by AnOrigamiLife at 10:25 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]

China has a massive imbalance of men to women in their 30s. If your only interest is in getting married, you'll find many single men in any large Chinese city.
posted by modernnomad at 1:51 AM on November 23, 2013 [3 favorites]

Seattle
posted by koakuma at 2:15 AM on November 23, 2013

I guess you're looking for cities where people marry in their 30s (rather than early- to mid-20s). Relatively urban if you like NYC generally. And not mainly full of people who have always lived there. What about Minneapolis, Seattle or Denver?
posted by plonkee at 3:40 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

I've heard that Denver is known as Menver ....
posted by bunderful at 6:11 AM on November 23, 2013

Regarding Alaska: the men to woman ratio thing applies to the bush, in villages of a few hundred people with no road access. Fairbanks and Anchorage are college towns and the gender ratio is not noticeably unbalanced (I lived in Fairbanks, currently live in Anchorage). My single girlfriends - really fantastic women - had trouble finding matches as men here can be ... unique. "The odds are good, but the goods are odd," is a popular saying. Aside from Anchorage, people don't use online dating sites much and tend to network through mutual friends, work, school, etc. Makes it tough for transplants. It is very hard to be single here - even dangerous - because of the extreme conditions and isolation. Winter is rough, mentally and physically.

Great place to learn about yourself. The women here build strong communities and are generally very interesting. I made great girlfriends ... and the single ones all moved back to the L48 because they could not find partners. Cannot recommend it if dating prospects are a top priority for you.
posted by griselda at 6:58 AM on November 23, 2013 [6 favorites]

Check Salt Lake City off of any potential list.
posted by blueplasticfish at 7:03 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Id definitely consider Denver. It's a great place to raise a family, and the gender ratio of single folks does seem to be even/tipped slightly towards more men.
As a mid 30's single hetero female, I did frequently meet men who were eager to settle down and wanted kids (in mid thirties in Denver, be prepared for this to be previously-marrieds).
I moved away partially because this was exactly what I didn't want at this stage in my life.
posted by susiswimmer at 8:11 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think Chicago might be a good place with lots of people unmarried into their 30s. A lot of the people in Chicago are from the Midwest and moved there so they could live in the big city for job opportunities while staying relatively close to their families. I think people there tend to get married later because they're sowing their wild oats in their 20s but always have the intention of settling down eventually. Chicago's also a friendly town and people are active on online dating sites.

From the perspective of someone who recently moved to Austin but isn't single, Austin doesn't seem like a good place because a lot of people here seem to get married very young. I've had a difficult time meeting single people or young married people without kids. I think this is due to a lot of Austinites coming into the city from the more conservative parts of Texas, although that might be changing with all of the transplants flooding into town.
posted by Colonel_Chappy at 9:40 AM on November 23, 2013

Cleveland is actually pretty awesome, you'd be surprised. For one, the cost of living is super low, but the arts scene is decent (and the food scene even better!). Lots of good places to meet people, really great recreation (our parks system is fantastic, if that's your thing). Depending on what you do for a living, the challenge will be finding a good job -- the rest should fall right in place. And we're very close a lot of other cool places if you want to road trip/travel.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 10:43 AM on November 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

Census data puts Denver's male population at 50%, so that whole "Menver" thing is a little overblown: http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/08/0820000.html
posted by sugarbomb at 10:56 AM on November 23, 2013

I lived in NYC for a few years and had the same experience as you that "people here tend to always be on the lookout for someone better (younger, prettier, etc)." I had better luck moving back near my home town at a point in my life when most of my friends from growing up had already settled down. Probably just a coincidence but maybe there's something to be said about less competition since most of the other people my age were already taken? I'm just totally speculating here, of course.

I remember hearing that in NYC there are more women than men but the opposite is true in LA and when I just tried to look that up I came across this article about "Looking for Love in All the Right Places" which you may find helpful, or at least interesting.

Regarding Alaska, I visited a good friend who lives in Anchorage recently and I also heard "The odds are good, but the goods are odd"...and it didn't seem super off-base from what I experienced.
posted by Shadow Boxer at 11:12 AM on November 23, 2013

You should consider places in the world that consider marriage a central achievement in life. Outside the US, these places are:

Istanbul
Israel
Lebanon
Dubai

These places offer christian , muslim, and jewish options. If you have strong Asian connections, Shanghai may be an option. Otherwise, Asia may be a culture clash.
posted by Kruger5 at 12:54 PM on November 23, 2013

nthing Texas. 2 stories:

My BBF was living in DC and had a horrific break-up. Although "going home" was something she usually did reluctantly, she decided she decided that she needed to get out of DC for extended time, spend time with family. While down there, she went looking for temp work and met her future (now current) husband within 3 weeks of being there.

A former co-worker decided to go home to Dallas because, like you, she felt she didn't have any viable prospects for dating and she was fed up with NYC dating. She found a job and moved down. Within 6 weeks of moving, she met her fiance. Funnily, when she told me she was going to move, I told her the above story and pretty much the same thing happened for her!
posted by Hydrofiend at 6:49 PM on November 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

San Francisco / Oakland, but then you have to move to afford housing.

I'd like to strongly disagree with this. Among my circles at least, it's common knowledge that San Francisco is a terrible place for single women looking to settle down. For various reasons including the large gay population, the super-high cost of living, and the fact that SF is a pretty fun place to be a bachelor.
posted by désoeuvrée at 1:53 AM on November 24, 2013 [3 favorites]