How can a mid-thirties woman in NYC meet single men?
April 28, 2012 5:06 PM Subscribe
How can a mid-thirties woman in NYC meet single men?
I'm a female in my mid-thirties in NYC and I'm looking for new ways to meet single guys (for a relationship, not a fling).
I'm doing the online dating thing, but I haven't had a lot of luck, probably due to my age and my photos (I don't photograph well and I feel I look much nicer in person). I do well when I meet men in person - I'm pretty and smart (and apparently really modest, haha) - but the issue is meeting them! My friends don't have any single male friends. I think Meetups are a great idea, but I don't really have any interests or hobbies that lend themselves to Meetups (I'm into things like reading, not hiking and sports). I'm already taking a weekly music theory class that I enjoy but there aren't any single men in the class. I occasionally attend a speed dating event; nothing has come of these events yet but I'm still trying. I've actually met men when I've sat at a bar by myself waiting for a friend to arrive, but I'm not sure how to do that on a regular basis - men will probably think I'm weird if I just go to a bar by myself.
What other ideas am I missing? If you live in NYC and you're in your thirties, how do you meet new dates / how did you meet your significant other?
Thanks!
I'm a female in my mid-thirties in NYC and I'm looking for new ways to meet single guys (for a relationship, not a fling).
I'm doing the online dating thing, but I haven't had a lot of luck, probably due to my age and my photos (I don't photograph well and I feel I look much nicer in person). I do well when I meet men in person - I'm pretty and smart (and apparently really modest, haha) - but the issue is meeting them! My friends don't have any single male friends. I think Meetups are a great idea, but I don't really have any interests or hobbies that lend themselves to Meetups (I'm into things like reading, not hiking and sports). I'm already taking a weekly music theory class that I enjoy but there aren't any single men in the class. I occasionally attend a speed dating event; nothing has come of these events yet but I'm still trying. I've actually met men when I've sat at a bar by myself waiting for a friend to arrive, but I'm not sure how to do that on a regular basis - men will probably think I'm weird if I just go to a bar by myself.
What other ideas am I missing? If you live in NYC and you're in your thirties, how do you meet new dates / how did you meet your significant other?
Thanks!
I'm also dying to find out the answer. But I've met many great people through New York Cares. (volunteering). So, if you just want to meet new people to expand your horizons (and potentially expand your dating circle), then try it out!
posted by bquarters at 5:14 PM on April 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by bquarters at 5:14 PM on April 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have a divorced friend who met his partner at yoga class in Manhattan,
posted by Isadorady at 5:15 PM on April 28, 2012
posted by Isadorady at 5:15 PM on April 28, 2012
Meetup.com is great. You don't have to be into hiking or sports -- I found that dining meetups were a good way to meet people. You'll find all kinds of dinner groups -- ethnic food, fancy dining, cheap eats, vegetarian, etc. I think the key with all these kinds of activities though is to go without any great expectations of finding a partner, as that can often lead to frustration. If you just go along and have a good time, things often happen when you are least expecting it...
posted by aussie_in_NY at 5:27 PM on April 28, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by aussie_in_NY at 5:27 PM on April 28, 2012 [2 favorites]
whitelily: " I've actually met men when I've sat at a bar by myself waiting for a friend to arrive, but I'm not sure how to do that on a regular basis"
You could arrange to meet friends in bars on a regular basis and then show up early for those meetings.
posted by d. z. wang at 5:29 PM on April 28, 2012 [3 favorites]
You could arrange to meet friends in bars on a regular basis and then show up early for those meetings.
posted by d. z. wang at 5:29 PM on April 28, 2012 [3 favorites]
Honestly, I feel like most meetups, classes, and volunteering opportunities are great ways to meet... other single women. I tell all my bachelor guy friends to do those things (especially volunteering with kids), because I regularly pursue hobbies that involve those scenarios and I'm *always* surrounded by about 12 single cute women in their thirties and one guy who's figured out that he has some pretty spectacular odds. I never recommend those activities to single women who are mainly interested in meeting men because men do not regularly put themselves out there in such wholesome scenarios. Surely some guy will pop up in this thread to prove me wrong, but check out the meetups for yourself - unless you're going to some vastly different gatherings than I am, you're likely to find a bunch of ladies just like you.
THAT SAID, I met my husband at a Metafilter meetup. I think it helped that Metafilter still skews fairly male, plus the meetups usually occur at a bar, which was where we met. The Metafilter angle was significant, but it really wasn't that different from meeting an acquaintance of mutual friends at a bar. So if you want to use the "shared interests" route, maybe pick something that is also popular with men, like rock climbing, beer tastings, kickball, poker/card games, comedy nights (my friend does a fun one in Williamsburg), and weird lectures (my other friends does these as well), etc.
So, don't discount bars and activities that happen at bars. A pretty woman reading a book at a bar is, whether you want it to be or not, often read as an open invitation for interested guys to ask you about the book. Once you meet someone cool and then decide you just want to read a damn book at a damn bar without starting a damn conversation this fact will get old, but for now, use it to your advantage.
I also second the gym. My weightlifting gym skew heavily towards men (fit men, too!) who would be hugely impressed with a woman who's not afraid to get into a squat rack. CrossFit classes are also quite popular these days and foster a tight sense of camaraderie among teams.
posted by zoomorphic at 5:29 PM on April 28, 2012 [5 favorites]
THAT SAID, I met my husband at a Metafilter meetup. I think it helped that Metafilter still skews fairly male, plus the meetups usually occur at a bar, which was where we met. The Metafilter angle was significant, but it really wasn't that different from meeting an acquaintance of mutual friends at a bar. So if you want to use the "shared interests" route, maybe pick something that is also popular with men, like rock climbing, beer tastings, kickball, poker/card games, comedy nights (my friend does a fun one in Williamsburg), and weird lectures (my other friends does these as well), etc.
So, don't discount bars and activities that happen at bars. A pretty woman reading a book at a bar is, whether you want it to be or not, often read as an open invitation for interested guys to ask you about the book. Once you meet someone cool and then decide you just want to read a damn book at a damn bar without starting a damn conversation this fact will get old, but for now, use it to your advantage.
I also second the gym. My weightlifting gym skew heavily towards men (fit men, too!) who would be hugely impressed with a woman who's not afraid to get into a squat rack. CrossFit classes are also quite popular these days and foster a tight sense of camaraderie among teams.
posted by zoomorphic at 5:29 PM on April 28, 2012 [5 favorites]
> I don't photograph well and I feel I look much nicer in person
Have you tried having photos taken by a professional photographer with a makeup artist and all that good stuff?
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:30 PM on April 28, 2012 [8 favorites]
Have you tried having photos taken by a professional photographer with a makeup artist and all that good stuff?
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:30 PM on April 28, 2012 [8 favorites]
A pretty woman reading a book at a bar is, whether you want it to be or not, often read as an open invitation for interested guys to ask you about the book.
Yep. I've talked to a bunch of guys this way (only one turned into a date though. That might just be me).
Not that you should select books for guy-meeting purposes but David Foster Wallace and Bret Easton Ellis invited the most conversation for me.
Also single, mid thirties woman. Whee.
posted by sweetkid at 6:18 PM on April 28, 2012 [2 favorites]
Yep. I've talked to a bunch of guys this way (only one turned into a date though. That might just be me).
Not that you should select books for guy-meeting purposes but David Foster Wallace and Bret Easton Ellis invited the most conversation for me.
Also single, mid thirties woman. Whee.
posted by sweetkid at 6:18 PM on April 28, 2012 [2 favorites]
Free on Monday night? There are likely to be single men in your age range at Save our Beer event at the Brooklyn Brewery. The great thing about NYC is all the great events we've got going on. Look for these. Chat folks up. Be interested and interesting. And good luck.
posted by Pineapplicious at 6:39 PM on April 28, 2012
posted by Pineapplicious at 6:39 PM on April 28, 2012
I know you said you aren't interested in the types of activities that meetup groups offer but try a few anyway. The reality is that a lot of people who go to things like hiking and sports meetup groups are there because they want to meet people and not because they are hardcore hikers or whatever.
Sit in a coffeeshop and read your book but bring with you a conspicuous object/article of clothing that invites questions.
Sit at the bar alone. I know it is intimidating but it is far easier for guys to approach you that way than if you are with a group of 4 girlfriends.
Also don't give up on the online thing. ..it is very hit or miss but the hits can be really fun. Just don't put all your emphasis on that avenue.
posted by minorcadence at 8:52 PM on April 28, 2012
Sit in a coffeeshop and read your book but bring with you a conspicuous object/article of clothing that invites questions.
Sit at the bar alone. I know it is intimidating but it is far easier for guys to approach you that way than if you are with a group of 4 girlfriends.
Also don't give up on the online thing. ..it is very hit or miss but the hits can be really fun. Just don't put all your emphasis on that avenue.
posted by minorcadence at 8:52 PM on April 28, 2012
I always assumed mid-30s was a great dating age for a large city. Maybe you just need to get out more. Reading (and things like reading) are not particularly social. If you don't take pictures well (me neither), then it makes sense to be more outgoing. By "outgoing" I mean, getting off the computer and going outside.
Guys will not think you are wierd if you sit alone at a bar or lounge, in fact you're much more approachable. You can bring a friend along. Just sit at the bar (as opposed to a table) and you will meet people. If you know music, find a place with music you like. Chances are that guys there will like the same music you do.
*Disclaimer: I'm not in New York, a New Yorker, or have lived in New York for any extended period of time.
posted by Jurbano at 9:06 PM on April 28, 2012
Guys will not think you are wierd if you sit alone at a bar or lounge, in fact you're much more approachable. You can bring a friend along. Just sit at the bar (as opposed to a table) and you will meet people. If you know music, find a place with music you like. Chances are that guys there will like the same music you do.
*Disclaimer: I'm not in New York, a New Yorker, or have lived in New York for any extended period of time.
posted by Jurbano at 9:06 PM on April 28, 2012
I don't really have any interests or hobbies that lend themselves to Meetups (I'm into things like reading, not hiking and sports)
Bookclub! There are some great bookclubs on meetup in NY. I'm in one that I actually kinda joined to meet women, but then met my girlfriend through other means about a week later, so now I just have a lot of cool friends.
posted by Ragged Richard at 12:31 PM on April 29, 2012
Bookclub! There are some great bookclubs on meetup in NY. I'm in one that I actually kinda joined to meet women, but then met my girlfriend through other means about a week later, so now I just have a lot of cool friends.
posted by Ragged Richard at 12:31 PM on April 29, 2012
Reddit meet-ups? I know Reddit has some scuzzy corners to it, but there are a lot of lovely communities in there, and in Chicago, there are a few meet-ups every month, it seems. Interesting people with a slew of hobbies and passions, and never a dull moment in the conversation!
posted by artemisia at 1:53 PM on April 29, 2012
posted by artemisia at 1:53 PM on April 29, 2012
I remembered another thing! Going to improv shows. it's cheap and the people tend to be super friendly. Also a good option is taking a class -- although, I have taken TONS of different classes in this city (for fun not dating) and never met a single dating option, although again that could be me.
If you want to go to watch a show together PM me.
posted by sweetkid at 5:29 PM on April 29, 2012
If you want to go to watch a show together PM me.
posted by sweetkid at 5:29 PM on April 29, 2012
Join a band? This is assuming you play an instrument...
posted by the_blizz at 7:45 AM on May 15, 2012
posted by the_blizz at 7:45 AM on May 15, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by lotusmish at 5:12 PM on April 28, 2012